67 Ways To Initiate An Actually Good Conversation On A Dating App

It can feel really awkward to start chatting with someone on a dating app.

Everything feels cheesier and forced when you're trying to get the conversation going, but it's like ripping off a Band-Aid — soon, the hard part will be over and you'll feel so much better.

So if you find it difficult to send the first message, it can help to have some good opening lines on hand.

"Whether you choose to initiate the conversation on a dating app or face-to-face with someone you're interested in, it's always important to have a great conversation starter in your back pocket," Kate MacLean, a resident dating expert at PlentyOfFish, previously told Bustle.

"A thoughtful question or reference to your date's hobbies and interests will likely result in an exchange of information that can tell you a lot about someone and, more importantly, whether you're compatible or not," she said.

As a basic rule, asking a question or something that suggests they send a reply is much better than just a statement — which can be easy to ignore.

And, of course, the best opening lines use a little humor.

If you're not sure how to get started, think about things you can ask them based on their bio — or try one of these opening lines, which are all so much better than "hey."

1. "What's Your Theme Song?"

How a person answers this will tell you a lot about them.

Will they make a joke or do they take themselves very seriously? Also, a little glimmer into their music taste is always helpful.

2. "How Would You (Or Your Friends) Describe Yourself In Three Words?"

Not only does this question let you get to know them, but the contrast between how they describe themselves and what their friends would say can be very interesting.

3. "Cheese, Pepperoni, Or Hawaiian?"

It's important to get down to the hard-hitting political issues, right from the start.

Better to see if your ideals are aligned now rather than later.

4. "What's The Worst Opening Line You've Ever Received?"

Most anyone with experience online dating has had some humdingers, so this will likely give you a chance to trade some dating app stories.

5. "What's The Best Place You've Traveled?"

If you're someone who loves to travel, then getting an idea of where they like to go is a great way to start the conversation and gauge compatibility.

6. "What's The Worst Date You've Ever Been On? Mine Involved..."

Sometimes you have to give to get. Sharing an awkward event from your life can help the other person feel more comfortable opening up to you about a funny or embarrassing experience.

7. "We're Married. I'm Complaining That I Don't Know What I Want To Eat. You Suggest...?"

The answer to this question may define the rest of your life — best to get it out early.

You can also tell a lot about a person based on their taste in food.

8. "What Three Characters Combined Best Describe You?"

SpongeBob Squarepants, Arya Stark, and Jerry Seinfeld?

9. "Why'd You Swipe Right?"

If you want to cut right to the chase about what the other person might be interested in and get the ball rolling, ask them why they said yes.

10. "When Sharing Ice Cream, Do You Dig Out All Of The Best Parts Or Share Them Equally?"

This question divides friendship groups, lovers, and countries (probably).

Learn if they're going to dig out all of the cookie dough or save some of it for you. Find out now, before it's too late.

11. "What Show Are You Marathon Watching Right Now?"

Get some insight into whether or not you're going to fight over the remote — and maybe you'll even get some good recommendations out of it.

12. "What's Your Favorite Book?"

If you're an avid reader (or just want to look like one), start out the conversation on a literary note.

13. "Are You A Stark, Lannister, Baratheon, Or Targaryen?"

If you're a Game of Thrones fan (or a House Of The Dragon fan), this will be a great way to learn more about their personality.

14. "What's The First Thing You Do When You Wake Up In The Morning?"

Being an early bird or a night owl can make a big difference in a relationship — just ask anyone who's shared a bed with someone of a different sleep chronotype.

Seeing how they tackle their mornings can also be a fun way to learn more about them.

15. "Why Did You Pick This App?"

There are a lot of different dating apps out there, so finding out why they went with this particular choice can help you understand what they're looking for and see if you're on the same page.

16. "What's Your Idea Of A Perfect First Date?"

A good way to set the scene for things to come.

Plus, getting a sense of their dating style can be really useful.

17. “If You Could Switch Lives With A Celebrity For A Day, Who Would It Be And Why?”

Getting to see what celebrities someone is at least mildly interested in can be very telling about what kind of pop culture they’re consuming and their interests.

18. "What's The Best Opening Line You Can Think Of?"

This one's a great choice when you're interested but want them to take the lead.

If you’re used to sending out opening lines, sometimes it’s fun to sit back and let others take the first leap.

19. "Favorite Sunday Activities?"

Jogging or antique shopping?

20. "What Meme Best Describes You And Why?"

Whether they're a recent Twitter or TikTok meme, or a classic "This is fine." meme, you'll get a sense of how they view themselves, as well as their type of humor.

21. "What's The Worst Nickname You've Ever Been Given?"

Get some insight into their personality.

Nicknames are normally there for a reason, and they tend to stem from a great story.

22. "Most Embarrassing Childhood Memory? Mine Is..."

This is another conversation opener where it can help to give a little first.

Simply share an embarrassing story and see what comes back.

23. "You Have 72 Hours Left On Earth. What Do You Do?"

They might go full-out while trying to save the world, or they might hide out and eat pizza and pleasure themselves for three days.

Either way, it can kick off a fun convo.

24. "Standard Greeting, Harry Potter Pickup Line, Or Rap Battle?"

This was an actual message someone was sent, and we can all only hope that they lived happily ever after.

25. "How Many Different Pasta Shapes Can You Name?"

If they can only name one or two, follow up by asking what they like to cook.

And just like that, you'll have a first date idea.

26. “I’m Letting You Assume One Thing About Me From My Profile: Go.”

A classic premise taken from a party icebreaker game, this line gives them the chance to tell you what they think of you just based on your pictures and bio, which can be very illuminating and, hopefully, amusing.

27. “If You Could See Any Movie For The First Time Again, What Would It Be?”

This is basically a creative way to ask what someone’s favorite movie is without sounding like a drag.

And maybe it can even lead to a movie night date.

28. “What’s Your Go-To Karaoke Song?”

Knowing someone’s favorite karaoke song is incredibly revealing. If they don’t have one at all? Red flag.

Not to mention, this line sets you up perfectly to suggest a karaoke meetup.

29. “If You Could Be On Any Reality TV Show, What Would It Be?”

Their answer to this will reveal...

A. what kind of shows they’re into.

B. what their general interests are.

C. if they’re competitive or not.

30. “Guess What My Drink Order Is And I’ll Guess Yours.”

Everyone loves a little two-way guessing game.

And if you’re not into alcohol, just sub in the words “coffee order,” “bagel order,” or whatever feels right to you.

31. “Wait, I Need To Know So Much More About [Profile Detail]”

Use a standout detail from their profile for an easy conversation starter.

Dating coach Alison Marie previously told Bustle, “Starting off a message like this not only is flattering to the person receiving it, but also shows an attractive level of confidence.”

You know what you like, and you aren’t afraid to go after it.

32. “Where Are We Going On Our First Vacation?”

“If someone's idea of an adventure is a camping trip while another person’s is traveling to different countries and staying in five star hotels, there might be little compatibility,” Marie says.

“But if you bond over experiences and have similar interests, this can help spark a connection and deepen conversation.”

33. “What Does Your Ideal First Date Entail?”

According to Marie, “Getting an idea of someone's first date is a fun way to open the conversation and see what they like to do.”

Bonus points if you have similar answers — you’ll have an easy plan for your first outing together.

34. “Your Dog Is So Cute! We Should Take Our Puppies To The Park Sometime.”

This demonstrates both confidence and a mutual interest to connect with, Marie explains.

We all know how invested pet parents can get, so if you both have dogs, go for it!

35. “What Are You Most Passionate About?”

Marie recommends this message to get a sense of your matches personal values, and see if they align with yours.

On dating apps, it’s easy to bond over a mutual love of Rick and Morty, but that doesn’t exactly set you up for long-term success.

Asking deep, meaningful questions like this right off the bat will help eliminate matches who aren’t a good fit.

36. “Describe Yourself In 3 Emojis”

Emojis keep things light — but also interesting.

Whatever three they choose opens up a ton of room for conversation as you’ll get a sense for their interests and personality.

37. “What Are Your 3 Most Frequently Used Emojis?”

Similar to above, this question is a low-lift, fun way to get a sense of their interests, and it leads to a ton of follow up questions.

38. “Let’s Settle This Once & For All: Is A Hot Dog A Sandwich?”

If you want to skip the small talk and head into a silly debate, see how they feel about this (very important) topic that leaves a ton of room for banter.

39. “What’s Your Guilty Pleasure? I Won’t Judge If You Don’t Judge Mine!”

Here’s a quick way to lighten the mood and bond over sharing potentially embarrassing things about yourselves.

40. “Which Actor Would Play You In A Movie About Your Life?”

This fun opening line gives you a sense of their personality and leaves room to learn more about who they are. What would the movie be called? What’s the soundtrack? Where would it be filmed?

41. “You’re Treating Me To A Home-Cooked Three-Course Meal. What Are You Making?”

Whether or not your potential suitor is a chef, this question will not only help you gauge what cuisines they’re into, but will give you a peek into their date-planning sensibilities, as well.

42. “What Is The Best Gift You Ever Received?”

This question invites the other person to lean into their sentimental side for a moment, and creates an environment that allows them to be vulnerable with you.

Not to mention, it gives you some insight into what they consider to be meaningful, which can tell you a lot about a person.

43. “Guess What I’m Thinking Right Now.”

When in doubt, you can always opt for a game silly enough to grab the other person’s attention and keep them engaged.

44. “Best Concert You’ve Ever Been To — Go.”

This is a great prompt for the music lovers out there.

Even if your music tastes don’t exactly align, bonding over a shared love of music goes a long way.

Maybe they’ll even put you on to some new tunes, too.

45. “Settle A Debate: Is Soup A Cereal?”

Questions like these can help discern whether or not the other person has a sense of humor (or, at the very least, if your sense of humors are compatible).

Plus, it opens the floor for an actual debate, which makes for a much more memorable conversation than a simple exchange of pleasantries.

46. “Which Of Your Friends Helped You Create This Profile?”

Let’s face it: we’ve all recruited a friend to help build a dating profile before — you might as well own it.

This question not only addresses the awkwardness of online dating head-on, but allows them to brag about their bestie and become more comfortable with you in the process.

47. “What’s One Album You Never Get Tired Of?”

When sliding into someone’s dating app DMs, sometimes you run the risk of asking a question they don’t have an answer to.

That’s why music-related questions are always a good go-to, because who doesn’t love music?

And with this question specifically, you can get a glimpse into what the other person listens to when they need a pick-me-up or when they’re already having a great day.

48. “I’m Thinking Of A Number Between One And 10, If You Guess Correctly You Can Take Me To Dinner.”

Nothing beats a prompt with a call-to-action, especially if you’re eager to move things off the apps as quickly as possible.

49. “At Least One Of Us Know How To [Detail From Their Profile].”

Acknowledging a certain skill or talent of theirs is a simple way to learn more about their hobby.

How long have they been doing it for?

What inspired them to start?

Who knows — maybe they’ll offer you a free lesson.

50. “What’s Your Favorite Comfort Food?”

If you can’t bond over a shared love of food, then what can you bond over?

If this seems like a simple question, try using it on a foodie and watch how the conversation flourishes.

51. “What Should I Have For Dinner Tonight?”

An effective conversation starter, and it saves you the trouble of figuring out your dinner plans for the night.

Two birds, one stone.

52. “Would You Rather Fight 500 Ostriches Or One T-Rex?”

If you want to break out from the noise of the dating apps, you want to use a question that stands out among the rest.

Silly questions like this are memorable, which, in turn, makes you memorable, too.

53. “We Can’t Keep Running Into Each Other Like This!”

This question is best reserved for your dating app arch nemesis, or the person who’s been lurking amongst your potential matches for years.

You know, the person who’s profile you’ve looked through a dozen times, but never quite felt compelled to swipe right on — until now, that is.

54. “Wanna Exchange Secrets?”

Before you use this prompt on your matches, you might want to refrain from sharing your deepest, darkest secrets with a complete stranger you met online.

Instead, this game works best with minor, harmless secrets, like, “I scratched my dad’s car when I was 17” or “I once broke a glass and let my brother take the blame for it.”

55. “What’s The Weirdest Dream You’ve Ever Had?”

Sometimes the wildest dreams make for the best stories, and a good story always leads to a great conversation.

Just don’t judge them too hard for their wacky subconscious hallucinations.

56. “If You Could Host A TED Talk On Anything, What Would It Be About?”

Asking a question about the other person is already a surefire way to score some points in their book, but asking them a question about the things they’re most passionate about is a guaranteed home run.

57. “Tell Me The Story About How You Adopted Your [Pet].”

It goes without saying, but this question only works on people whose profiles are filled with sweet shots of their fur babies.

Displaying an interest in their pet(s) not only signals to the other party that you’re an animal lover, but you’re also down to become a step-parent to their four-legged friend should things get more serious.

58. “[Profile Detail] Looks Fun! Can I Join Next Time?”

Inviting yourself on a hike or a fishing trip might seem a little thirsty, but the right person will appreciate this energy.

Who knows, perhaps this question will even inspire a first date.

59. “What’s The Best Advice You Ever Received?”

If you’re looking for something more serious, a question that strikes a similarly serious chord might be the way to go.

This question is great because it gives you a sense of the other person’s priorities and standards without directly asking where they see themselves in 10 years or what they’re hoping to get out of a relationship.

60. “If You Still Had AOL Instant Messenger Today, What Would Your Away Message Be?”

Only use this question if you (and your match) were in high school when AIM was the hottest social media platform around.

It’ll take them back to the good old days, and hopefully encourage them to really put some thought into their answer, too.

61. “Got Any Good Pickup Lines? I’m All Tapped Out.”

Throw the ball back in their court and make them do all the work. Easy peasy.

62. “You Just Won The Lottery. What Are You Spending Your Winnings On?”

Who among us hasn’t fantasized about buying a mansion in the English countryside after winning the MegaMillions?

This question allows the other party’s imagination to run wild, which is what makes it such a fun opener.

63. “Where Was Your Last Picture Taken? The View Looks Incredible!”

Not only will self-described thrill-seekers and travel enthusiasts appreciate your interest in their backdrop, but this question could also score you some sweet vacation recommendations, too.

It’s a win-win.

64. “You Have Great Music Taste — Who Was On Your Spotify Wrapped?”

Quiet as its kept, Spotify Wrapped is secretly the ultimate wingman. Sharing your results creates a sense of closeness with the other person, especially if you have an embarrassing song or two in your top five.

This could lead to some gentle, playful ribbing, which makes for great flirty banter.

65. “Want To Play Two Truths & A Lie? I’ll Go First...”

Never start a relationship on a lie — unless you’re playing an innocent game of Two Truths and a Lie, that is.

66. “If You Could Have One Superpower, What Would It Be?”

You don’t have to be a Marvel expert to have a dream superpower.

From time travel to the gift of flight, we’ve all imagined what it would be like to have an otherworldly ability before, so you might as well use your fantasies as fodder for your next dating app DM slide.

67. “TBH, I Hate Dating Apps. Wanna Take This IRL?”

Constructing the perfect opening line can be quite the challenge — but it doesn’t have to be. With a straightforward and to-the-point message like this one, you can spend less time stressing over the perfect opener, and more time figuring out what you’re going to wear on your first date.

There's no perfect opening line for dating apps, but having a few funny one-liners, thoughtful questions, or silly games in your pocket can make a big difference. If you want to get a response, notice things in their bio or stick with questions.

When all else fails, you can always point to something from one of their photos to start a conversation. Dating is, after all, about getting to know each other.

Experts:

Kate MacLean, resident dating expert at PlentyOfFish

Allison Marie, dating coach