Apparently, Drunk Women Are Ruining Fraternities

A steaming pile of, well, you know, might be putting it lightly. In a now-deleted op-ed, Forbes contributor Bill Frezza blamed intoxicated women for being "threats" to his beloved Chi Phi fraternity, and for that matter fraternities everywhere. Because women are apparently out-of-control boozehounds who can't help falling out of windows and falsely reporting rape, thereby jeopardizing the entire fraternal existence. Somebody stop these walking (teetering?) liabilities!

Basically, Frezza used Forbes as an excuse to wax sexist about a very simple concept, which, by the way, applies to both sexes: drink responsibly. Frezza, I could have saved you 1,100 words. But your thinly veiled "op-ed" (I was inspired by your liberal use of quotation marks) was clearly just an excuse for you to vent your anger toward the scheming female sex.

By the way? Frezza is the president of The Beta Foundation, the house corporation for the Chi Phi fraternity at MIT. Also, this is also the guy who wrote that kegs should be required at frat parties.

Dear Frezza, the lengths you go to paint fraternities as some kind of poor, innocent victim — martyr, even — in all this female-induced drunken chaos is kind of hilarious. Because frat parties don't encourage over-drinking at all, right? Oh, that's right, fraternities follow strict rules when it comes to drinking on their premises (in what universe?).

Also, the earnestness with which you describe pregaming girls as "ticking time bombs" poised to topple an entire institution (one long known for its unwavering integrity, right?) sounds like an Onion article.

In fact, the picture that you use to demonstrate these drunk female threats screams "this can't be serious."

And good on you for predicting the inevitable onslaught of outrage you'd get. Preemptively setting up any backlash as unwarranted and overly indignant? Nice trick there. I guess that makes me one of the "feminist web vigilantes" you mentioned. That is to say, "a woman."

Well then I'll wear the label proudly, and I'll even help you spread your message — whoever deleted your column clearly had too much common sense for their own good. Females, listen up! Bill Frezza wants you to know that if you pregame before a party, well, you're an "irresponsible jerk." Here's that and eight other pieces of "wisdom" from Frezza's op-ed.

There Are No Loud, Wasted Guys at Frat Parties, What Are You Talking About?

I single out female guests for one simple reason. Fraternity alumni boards, working with chapter officers, employ a variety of policies designed to guide and police member behavior.

Fraternity Brothers Have No Control Over These 120-Pound Beasts

But we have very little control over women who walk in the door carrying enough pre-gaming booze in their bellies to render them unconscious before the night is through.

Nope, no control whatsoever. Oh hey, have you ever heard of party-proofing the house? Like, maybe, close the windows? Because when it gets crowded, anyone can fall out. You know, logic?

Can You Blame the Frats For Letting in More Women Than Men? Chivalry, Amirite?

Yes, boozed up males also show up at parties, sometimes mobs of them disturbing the peace on the front steps. But few are allowed in, especially if they are strangers.

Apparently Feminists Have Been Wasting Their Time on the Wrong Issues

In our age of sexual equality, why drunk female students are almost never characterized as irresponsible jerks is a question I leave to the feminists.

These Women Can Blow at Any Second!

And so, any time a fraternity hosts an open party, wet or dry, brothers must assume that the house will be filled with ticking time bombs.

Drunk Women Clearly Just Want to Get Drunk, Come Over, and Cause Trouble

Here are the things that worry me most. Any of them could result in organizational extinction, even if the fraternity never served the “victim” a single drop of alcohol.

As Long as She Collapses Outside the Fraternity, It's All Good

Although we were once reprimanded for turning away a drunk female student who ultimately required an ambulance when she passed out on our sidewalk, it would have gone a lot worse for us had she collapsed inside.

Because her safety is not the real issue here. Obviously.

Dudes Gotta Stick Together

And please, look out for each other. Do not let a drunk brother take a drunk female to his bedroom.

Good luck with that one.

How Ironic That Institutions That Have Perpetuated Binge Drinking on Campus For Decades Are Now the Victims

No nanny administrators or well-meaning risk-managers can fix the situation after an incident has occurred, and besieged fraternity systems are particularly vulnerable.

Images: Forbes, Wikipedia Commons (3), Getty Images (2), drazin/Flickr, Cemre/Flickr, crossfirecw/Flickr, Sarah Macmillan/Flickr, Flickr/G M