Sex & Relationships
28 Witty Responses To Ghosting That’ll Haunt Them Forever
"I ask for your birth chart one time."
It takes a specific kind of person to ghost someone — it’s really not that hard to send a quick “I’m not interested” text — but rest assured, they exist. When a date's playing it hot and cold or you haven't heard from your crush in weeks, these witty ghosting responses will help you clear the air and your mind.
Ghosting is an unfortunately very common occurrence, according to a 2020 Hinge survey, which found that 91% of users had been ghosted at least once. It was also revealed that 40% of users who said they had done the ghosting did so because they simply didn’t know how to explain their disinterest and felt that disappearing altogether was less hurtful. That’s no excuse for treating someone like they don’t exist, especially since 85% of participants said they’d rather be told upfront that someone’s not feeling it. Still, the ghosters ghost on.
Figuring out how to respond to a ghoster is all a matter of accepting what’s done. Relationship expert Susan Winter recommends gracefully leaving as the quickest and easiest way out. "It's your ego that wants to lash out," Winter tells Bustle. "Accept the facts for what they are, and be grateful you're not being strung along or played."
You could totally take the high road: Lose their number and forget about them altogether — or, you could do that after sending them a final funny (but fierce) text to bid your time together adieu. Here are 28 of the best ghosting responses to send someone who’s been ignoring you.
1Can we at least reenact the Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore pottery scene first?
It's best part of the whole movie.
2I ask for your birth chart one time, and suddenly, I'm a mind-reading witch that knows what you're thinking.
What's your sign? More like give me a sign that you're still alive.
3Hey, at least now, the next time my niece asks me to tell her a ghost story, I can tell her about you.
The scariest stories are true.
4I hope this finds you well. I just wanted to circle back, per our last message exchange.
If corporate email language won't do it, nothing will.
5Hey! It seems you're at capacity in your personal life right now and can't hold the appropriate space for me or our relationship. I want to validate where you are while also drawing a healthy boundary. Please don't reach out again. Thanks!
Or try speaking like a yoga teacher.
6I see you’re taking dating advice from Barney Stinson's Playbook. I’d like to remind you that Robin left him and the show got canceled in 2013 — and hasn’t aged well.
More like, How I Met That Jerk I Quickly Forgot About.
7Aw, I love Simon & Garfunkel! (I'm taking you ghosting me as "The Sound of Silence.")
Hello darkness, my old friend.
8You must have misheard me when we talked about magazines. I read Vogue, not vague.
This just in: Bad communication skills are not trending this season!
9It seems like you're phone's been dead for two and a half weeks. Let me know if you need to borrow my charger.
I will need it back.
10Maybe I gave you the impression that I'm OK with not talking for weeks. I'm so sorry for the confusion, but I'm not at all OK with that, and I don't see this working out.
I'm so sorry I expected you to acknowledge my existence after hanging out?
11Should I wait to hear your excuse for why you've been MIA, or should I just delete your number?
Why not both?
12Gosh! You're bombarding me with all these texts! I'm not used to getting so much attention!
It's, like, reverse psychology.
13Same.
Real may recognize real, but real also recognizes thoughtless people who don't deserve your time.
14I guess we're playing "Who Can Go Longer Without Texting First." You've won!
But you've lost me.
15A reminder that Vincent Chase from Entourage is not a real person and does not exist. But I do! And your behavior kind of sucks.
Don Draper? Chuck Bass? Shane from The L Word? IDK, pick your favorite fictional player.
16Are you still there?
If this doesn't get a response, it's sure to get a laugh.
17Can't wait to write the next Ghostbusters movie about you.
If Melissa McCarthy is in it, I'm in.
18I see you're "playing it cool." It's too bad I'm not 15 anymore, and I don't think emotional unavailability is cool.
When they play it cool, play it ice cold.
19You've won one last chance to meet up for a drink! Reply with your availability this week to claim your prize.
Listen, maybe your crush really did lose their phone. Maybe their roommate was sick. Maybe they had a giant project at work and lost contact with all their friends and loved ones. If you're really feeling them, you can give them one last chance to make up for their communication lag.
20You really talk the talk but don't text the text, huh?
And if they don't reply to this, you can walk the walk away.
21Hmm, I’ve never heard of someone taking a two week shower… That’s a little concerning to me.
Perfect for that “BRB, shower” text that they never BRB’d to.
22I ain’t afraid of no ghost!
Who you gonna call? Ghostbusters!
23You’re busted, ghost.
There’s too much Ghostbusters texting potential to not take advantage of the pun-tastic opportunity.
24Hey, buddy I’m not sure if you’re aware, but Halloween is over. You can stop playing ghost now.
Someone took their costume way too seriously.
25Yeah, I hate texting too.
You’re totally on the same page. Sort of.
26I bought you a dictionary since I know you struggle with writing texts.
Boom. Playful and sassy dig, then blocked.
27You’re inspiring. If I suddenly lost my thumbs, IDK how I’d still be posting Instagram stories.
They’re incapacitated when it comes to sending a simple text, yet they can Insta their whole day. What a miracle.
28I thought Casper was supposed to be friendly.
The friendly ghost would never leave you hanging.
At the end of the day, if they’re not putting in the effort to let you know they’re not interested, they’re probably not worth your time. But sometimes sending a little message before excommunication can give you the confidence boost you need to dropkick them from your mind for forever.
Sources:
Susan Winter, relationship expert, and bestselling author
This article was originally published on
