Relationships
"Winter Coating" Is The Dating Trend No One Asked For
Here’s how to avoid being tossed aside like an outgrown puffer jacket.
As cuffing season comes through in full force, plenty of singles are on the prowl to find someone to snuggle up with. After all, with the onslaught of commercials and holiday movies flaunting happy couples celebrating together, it’s only natural to feel like you need someone to kiss under the mistletoe. Indulging in the cheesy cliches never hurt anyone, but the inclination to get boo’d up can sometimes lead one to make impulsive choices they wouldn’t have otherwise — like reaching out to an ex during the holidays.
A new dating trend has former flames coming back around for more, specifically during the winter season. Enter: winter coating. It may have a fun ring to it, but relationship experts say it’s not as cute as it might sound. “Winter coating is when an old flame or an ex comes back into your life just for the winter months, and then they get rid of you once the season is over,” says professional matchmaker and dating coach Thalia Ouimet.
Having an S.O. to brave those winter storms with is a nice feeling, but having them ghost you as soon as the temps hit 60 can definitely sting. If you want to avoid being tossed aside like an outgrown puffer jacket, read on for expert advice on how to spot winter coating and what to do about it.
What Is “Winter Coating”?
The chances of you receiving those “Happy Holidays!” texts from an ex are high. “Serotonin levels drop in the winter, which can make you more depressed and may drive you to seek comfort in the people you already know,” says Damona Hoffman, a certified dating coach and host of The Dates and Mates Podcast. That’s where winter coating comes in — someone reaches out to a former fling to survive the cold, lonely months. But it implies an inevitable end to the love affair.
“It can feel good to have the comfort of someone familiar during the cold winter months but, ultimately getting back with an ex — especially due to loneliness or laziness — is a road to heartache,” Hoffman tells Bustle. So although it’s tempting to meet up with your old FWB or a recent ex in the wintertime, you should pause and think about how and why things ended before you agree to hang out.
The Signs Of Winter Coating
Unless you’re looking for something low-pressure and casual over the holiday season, it’s best to learn the signs of winter coating in order to avoid being ditched as quickly as a New Year’s Eve kiss. Ouimet says that one telltale sign is if your ex reaches out during the holiday season after they’ve had no contact with you for months (or even years), and are acting super familiar and friendly for no apparent reason. Another is if they all of sudden want to see you over the holidays, but refuse to talk about any long-term commitments with you.
“I always look at urgency as a relationship red flag,” Hoffman says. “If you didn't hear from them all year and suddenly they need to see you right away, that's a sign that it's usually an emotionally-driven impulse and not a decision that has been thought out.” She also notes that if your ex doesn’t include you in any of their holiday plans but sees you in secret, there’s a high chance they’re winter coating you.
How To Deal With Winter Coating
The pressure to have an S.O. to bring home for the holidays can make it hard to resist a former flame when they creep back in and try to winter coat you — even when you’re faced with a partner that might have hurt you in the past — but being honest with yourself about whether that’s actually good for you is key.
If you and your ex decide to hang out and see where things go for the holidays, or if you’re the one reaching out, just make sure you’re both on the same page about your vision for the near future. “There isn't anything wrong with winter coating if you both have the same intentions, but when you make assumptions that it means something and your partner is in a different place, that's when someone ends up getting hurt,” Hoffman says.
Ouimet encourages you to think about the long-term implications of a holiday fling that has an expiration date. “It can seem fun at the moment to cure the winter blues, but having the courage to keep that space open for something better is where the real fun and adventure comes.”
Studies referenced:
Melrose, S. (2014). Seasonal Affective Disorder: An Overview of Assessment and Treatment Approaches. Depression Research and Treatment, 2015. https://doi.org/10.1155/2015/178564
Experts:
Thalia Ouimet, professional matchmaker and dating coach
Damona Hoffman, certified dating coach and host of The Dates and Mates Podcast
This article was originally published on
