22 Texts That'll Get The Message Across After A Truly Bad Date

If you’re a bit of a people-pleaser, you may be tempted to add a “You seem really cool!” or “I had a lot of fun!” but if the person was not cool and the date was not fun, Artschwager explains there’s no use in lying. “It comes to a place of wanting to explain or take the pain away from the other person, and that’s not your job,” Artschwager says. “It’s your responsibility to be honest. It’s not your responsibility to manage their feelings.”

Some dates are just not it. Let them know where you’re at, they’ll likely appreciate your honesty.

A great back-and-forth texting rapport doesn't always translate to sexy IRL vibes. Let them know you’re not on the same page.

“People would rather just hear that it is not going to work out than to feel they weren’t worth a text,” Lori Salkin, senior matchmaker and dating coach tells Bustle. If you weren’t feeling it, you’re allowed to say so in a considerate and concise manner.

Artschwager notes that going on dates is part of a larger practice of learning to find love and meet new people. If you feel like giving some constructive feedback, let them know what you saw, and how it made you feel.

“Nothing good can come of a long text explaining what about them did not work for you,” Salkin says. “That can actually do more harm than good. Simply say that you enjoyed meeting but don't see this as a match.”

If the bad date vibe was palpable, you may be surprised they even texted you. But rather than ignoring the text, Salkin suggests sending something short and clear. “I always say to put yourself in the other person's shoes,” Salkin says. “If you wouldn't like to be left hanging, you shouldn't leave someone else hanging.”

If it was pretty clear for all parties that you two weren’t going to be the love story of the century, you can address that your text probably isn’t a shock. Still, ensuring that everyone is on the same page leaves no room for confusion.

Let the records show, people who call their exes “crazy” (or talk for an hour about their exes on a first date) are not the ones for you. Express that you won’t tolerate their language.

Though you may want to send the Randy Jackson, “That’s gunna be a no for me dawg” meme, Trina Leckie, relationship coach and host of The Breakup BOOST Podcast encourages you to take the high road. “Doing it in a thoughtful and positive way is a classy move that shows maturity,” Leckie tells Bustle.

If you weren’t attracted to someone or you just weren’t getting a romantic vibe, you’re entitled to say so. Yet, Leckie encourages you to stay away from mean comments or talking about someone’s appearance. “It can be really hard for people to put themselves out there, so you don’t want to be the reason someone’s confidence takes a hit,” she says.

Julie Spira, online dating expert and CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert notes it's easy to agree to hang out again at the end of a bad date in an effort to be polite or divert awkwardness. Yet, agreeing to plans you have no intentions of keeping isn’t a good way to go either. Besides, you’re just going to have to come up with reasons you can’t hang out later when they ask again, which is stressful in itself.

“Let your date you didn't feel you had enough in common to pursue a romantic relationship, then wish them the best of luck,” Spira says. “This way, you're showing some empathy towards them, as well as letting them know that you valued their time on the date.”

If you’re feeling generous with your emotions, you can send a nice note letting them down easy and wishing them the best.

Noting your incompatible lifestyles is a broad, yet valid way to reject someone, Spira says. Rather than pinpointing one thing they do or listing all the reasons why you didn’t like them, you can frame it as an overall incompatibility.

“Not everyone you meet is going to be a perfect match, this is part of dating,” Leckie says. “So keep it short and sweet. No need to go overboard.”

If your date was spewing offensive garbage all night, draw a hard boundary and let them know it’s capital-O Over.

If you’re used to telling people what they want to hear, Artschwager notes that being transparent with your feelings can feel weird. Yet, saying your truth as directly as possible will likely feel like a big weight off your shoulders.

According to Leckie, using “we” statements can read as kinder. “‘We’ feels less like a rejection and more as though it’s considering both people,” Leckie says. Rather than “I hate you” or “You need to shower,” framing your text around “we aren't a match” takes the heat off your date.

Artschwager continues that after a royally bad date, you don’t have to explain yourself. “All you have it say is, I'm not feeling a deeper connection here.”

Rather than a fake “I had so much fun!” or “You seem really great” just thank them for their time and move on.

Making a declarative sentence that you’re not feeling it and will never be feeling it lets your date know where you stand.