21 Non-Awkward Texts To Send A First Date You Don't Want To See Again

While you may want to drop a “you seem so nice,” Artschwager shares that over-explaining or adding too many niceties is a people-pleasing response. “It comes a place of wanting to explain or take the pain away from the other person, and that’s not our job,” Artschwager says. “It’s not your responsibility to manage their feelings.”

If you got the sense your date only wants to hook up — or if you just want something casual and they’re looking to settle down — let them know you’re not aligned. Thalia Ouimet, a matchmaker and dating coach, emphasizes the importance of using the phrase “I know” rather than “I think” when you’re telling someone you want different things. “If you’re more assertive, and you say ‘I know we aren’t looking for the same things’… then it’s letting that person know that you’re not changing your mind,” she tells Bustle.

If you get the sense your date is super into you, you may feel pressure to explain your feelings or come up with a million reasons it wouldn’t work out. Yet, Lori Salkin, senior matchmaker and dating coach, suggests keeping it short and simple. “Nothing good can come of a long text explaining what about them did not work for you,” Salkin tells Bustle. “That can actually do more harm than good. Simply say that you enjoyed meeting but don't see this as a match.”

When you know there was no connection, online dating expert Julie Spira suggests being king and truthful. Again, you’ll want to use the phrase “I know” over “I think.” “You’ve got to be assertive, you can’t give people the room to [argue],” says Ouiment.

Sometimes a date flops and all parties know it. Still, sending a text can help ensure you’re on the same page. “The best way to close out a rejection text is ‘wishing you all the best,’” Ouimet adds. “It’s a great closeout line.”

Maybe you thought you were ready to get back out there after a breakup, then realized after the date that you totally weren’t. It’s OK to change your mind, but let your date know where you’re at. Plus, this shows that you actually took some time to reflect.

Sometimes the spark just isn’t there. As Artschwager says, “Be direct in a simple, kind, and straightforward way.” Do let them know you enjoyed your time, just not in a romantic sense.

If you experience a bad date, like them yelling at the waiter or saying something upsetting, Ouimet suggests sending something super nice like this. “When someone’s that mean and horrible on a first date, I’m extra nice,” she says, because you never know what’s going on in their life. There are meh first dates, then there are straight-up bad first dates, and as much as you might want to call them out, it’s best to go quietly and politely.

As Artschwager says, “let’s be friends” should only be dropped when you really mean it. If you really think you’d want to hangout platonically, see if your date is down. Otherwise, you don’t need to pretend you want to hang out again.

Sometimes in the heat of the moment (think: trying to get out of a bad first date) you agree to drinks or a walk in the future. If you already made plans for date two, let them know that after some time you’re not feeling a connection. “It’s OK if you change your mind,” Ouimet tells Bustle.

Rather than complimenting their appearance or personality, Salkin suggests saying something nice about the date. By now you may have noticed a pattern in these “how to tell someone you’re not interested” examples, and that’s because there’s a specific formula to it. “You thank them, you appreciate them, then you wish them the best,” Ouimet tells Bustle. “It’s an actual formula.”

If you're worried your date is going to keep texting you or try to change your mind, make sure you clearly express that this is the end of your time together. Ouimet recommends using language like this that clearly indicates you will not be changing your mind. Be firm and assertive from the get-go so you don’t have to backtrack later on.

As Salkin shares, if there’s a straightforward reason it’s not going to work out, you can let the date know. Otherwise, you don’t need to feel pressure to over-explain. Try to avoid using filler words that make you seem unsure of your decision, Ouimet recommends. For example, “I just don’t see this as a long-term fit” versus “I don’t see this as a long-term fit.” Simpler is better.

Stating that you didn’t have enough in common is a kind and concise way to part ways, Spira says. You don’t have to get into specifics — again with the over-explaining. Here’s another example of how wishing them well is the best way to end a rejection text and works in almost every situation.

You don’t have to lie about having an amazing time if you didn’t. Let them know it’s not a match and set a boundary about communication moving forward. “It’s important to thank them for the drinks because you want to be considerate and polite, but you also set the boundary that it’s not moving forward and there’s no more communication,” Ouimet says.

Artschwager says that sometimes you need a night to sleep on it. If you’ve taken some time and realized you’re not into them, be honest about where you’re at. “It also lets the other person know that you’re not being impulsive,” Ouimet says, “that you really thought this through.”

If you feel your date was a good person, but just not for you, Spira suggests offering them kindness and luck. “I think it’s important to note that they deserve someone terrific,” adds Ouimet. “You’re saying ‘hey, I hope you find someone terrific’ because you’re kind of noting that they are terrific, which is a nice compliment.”

If you and your date were clearly on different pages, Spira suggests explaining where you’re at while wishing them well in the future. “You do want to make sure that you tell that person ‘we are looking for two different things,’” Ouimet adds. “And that this isn’t moving forward.”

Artschwager says you don’t even have to explain why you’re not into it. “All you have to say is, I had a great time, but I'm not feeling a deeper connection here.” And a nice outtro is a thoughtful touch.

Sending a rejection text is like ripping off a band-aid, Artschwager says. There’s no perfect phrase — just state your piece and wish them well. This is another good example that shows them that you thought it through and ultimately decided you’re not the right fit.

Though it may feel intimating to call things off, Salkin says letting someone down is more respectful than not saying anything. Honestly, anything is better than ghosting or getting ghosted. Just be straightforward and honest.