How 4 Women Found Out Their Partner Was Cheating On Them

Being lied to or deceived is never a good feeling: Nobody wants to feel like they can’t trust another person in their life, and lying can damage all sorts of relationships. Experiencing lies at the hand of a partner, however, can be next-level painful — especially when you find out that your partner is cheating.

While the idea of what cheating consists of can vary from couple to couple, many experts say that breaking trust or a mutual agreement in a relationship is definitely a form of cheating. “Cheating is an act of betrayal. Betrayal is a violation of a person’s trust,” clinical psychologist Dr. Joshua Klapow previously told Bustle. “Depending on a person’s history of trust issues, betrayals, attachment style, and security, it may take one episode of a betrayal to dissolve the relationship ... it is totally dependent as much on the person, their history, and the strength of the relationship as it is on the type of cheating that has occurred.”

If you’ve experienced this in a past relationship or if you’re going through a similar situation now, you’re not alone. Bustle asked readers to reveal their stories about how they caught a cheating partner. Here, four women share their experiences.

Grace, 24

I went out with a group of friends, and he offered to drop me off to meet them. At the end of the night he said he wanted to pick me up so I told him to drive my car. When he came I had a few girls that needed a ride so I told them to all hop in my car. I asked him to drop three of us off first because we were hungry after a night of drinking. He took the other two girls home after and came back to my place. He told me one of the girls hit on him and he turned her down, for which she apologized and told me the next day. I wasn’t mad about it at all. Two weeks go by and I find out the other girl did hit on him too when a mutual friend ratted her out to me. He got her number and was hitting on her while living at my place. I confronted him, and he admitted he was texting with her and that maybe his texts came off as flirty. The girl was known for being a home wrecker, and now I understand why. I broke things off the next day and never looked back.

Cassandra, 27

My new partner was hosting a house party that I had helped plan. It was the first time I was meeting a bunch of their friends from out of town. Even though I had helped out, they hadn’t officially invited me to the party until about a week before. I was hurt, but rationalized it as that they wanted to get some alone time with close friends since we had very recently become “official.” After the party, everything was pretty normal, but about two weeks later, my partner’s sister’s boyfriend texted me. He said he felt so horrible that they were all keeping it a secret — my partner had slept with someone that night at the party. I was so hurt and called my partner, who wouldn’t answer the phone. Their sister then texted me to tell me that it was my fault because we were supposedly on “a break.” Huh? We broke up, and I’m better off now!

Katie, 30

This was at age 22, so I don’t remember how many months we had been together at this point, but we were exclusive. We were on our way to a party and stopped to grab a bottle of something to bring for the host. He went in, and I stayed in the car with his phone. I thought I’d be cute and take a selfie and set it as his wallpaper. I got curious, nosy, insecure — whatever you want to call it — and opened his texts. I saw a name I didn’t recognize, so I opened up the thread to find what seemed like endless nudes and sexting spanning over the many months that he and I had been dating. He came back to the car, and I demanded he drive me home. I told him what I found and that I didn’t feel bad about how I found it. He took me home, and we cried and talked all night. He claimed he didn’t know her in real life — she was “just a girl from the Internet,” as though that made it any better. Things ended in a “break.” We tried to date again after a while, but ultimately I couldn’t ever trust him again.

Ashley, 29

I found out my boyfriend of four years had cheated on me when I got suspicious and went through his phone. He had started acting distant and less affectionate than usual, and we were beginning to get into arguments more frequently, which was not normal for us. I noticed that he was “staying late at work” more and more often, and at first I didn’t think anything of it — until the distance started. I went through his phone and found texts between him and another woman whose name I didn’t recognize. They had clearly met up at least once, so this had been going on for a while. He did admit to cheating, and cried to me about how sorry he was and that it meant nothing. I was heartbroken but still so in love with him, so I didn’t immediately end things.

We were living together at the time and our lives were very intertwined, so I wanted to try to save what was left of our relationship. We went to couples counseling, but he ended up breaking up with me anyway.

Expert:

Dr. Joshua Klapow, clinical psychologist