How To Use A Strap-On, According To A Sex Expert

No matter how long you’ve been with a partner, anyone can benefit from trying new things in the bedroom from time to time. Aside from communicating desires and boundaries with your partner, getting creative and experimenting with new sex positions, toys, or techniques are great steps toward spicing up your sex life.

In the process of coming up with new things to try, consider thinking outside the box. Using toys like a strap-on can offer an exciting experience no matter who you’re sleeping with, says sex educator Javay Frye-Nekrasova. “Strap-ons offer a new avenue of pleasure and experience. Regardless of how you choose to use it, it can bring more pleasure and new sexual experiences into the bedroom.”

For curious minds, Frye-Nekrasova shares her best tips for using a strap-on.

When To Use A Strap-On

As with any sex toy, there is no right or wrong time to use a strap-on. The best way to introduce new toys depends on you and your partner’s level of comfortability and interest. If your partner is open to exploring new sex toys, but doesn’t know much about the one you’re introducing, discuss how you two can use it together.

For example, Frye-Nekrasova points out that strap-ons have a variety of uses behind them that most people may have not considered. “They can be used for penetrative sex of the anus or the vagina, they can be used for double penetration of the vagina and the anus simultaneously, [and] they can be used for penetrative sex when partners don't want to touch genitals.” For example, if one or more partner(s) has an STI like herpes and is experiencing a current outbreak of symptoms, using a strap-on can prevent the skin-to-skin contact that would increase the risk of transmission.

Strap-ons also provide the opportunity for partners to try out different kinks, positions, and forms of sex; a penis-having partner may be interested in penetration from a vagina-haver, so using a strap-on can be a way to explore that dynamic.

How To Use A Strap-On

If you’re just starting to use a strap-on, know that it’ll be a gradual process. “For the wearer of the strap-on, since it is not anatomically attached to the body, you only have so much understanding and awareness of what the insertable portion is doing, so listening and communicating with the receiving partner is important to make sure you are thrusting too hard, going too deep, or poking at the wrong hole.” While you’re beginning to get a feel for the strap-on, have a conversation about what might turn you both on, as well as your boundaries and potential fears.

In addition to listening to your partner, time, easing into the stroking can help prevent discomfort or frustration. “Despite what porn and movies may portray, not everyone wants a fast, hard thrust,” Frye-Nekrasova says. “ Start slow and build up as you and your partner communicate and decide that more throttle is wanted,”

Once you and your partner reach a level of confidence using a strap-on, refining your skills is the next step. Aside from slowly building up speed and intensity, sex positions are also important to consider. Frye-Nekrasova suggests starting with doggy style. “It is an easy position to allow for proper height alignment between the strap-on wearer's waist and the receiving partner. “If you prefer positions that are a little more generous on the knees missionary could work well and adding a sex pillow, like the Liberator Wedge, could help elevate the body for easier insertion and deeper penetration.”

Building your confidence with a strap-on just takes practice, Frye-Nekrasova says. “You can practice by working on hip control and motion. As the saying goes, ‘it's about the motion of the ocean.’” If you want to get hands-on, functional practice using a strap-on, she recommends a product like the THRUST Pro Elite Masturbator, which is is designed to mimic vaginal and anal penetration.

Above all, focusing on what feels good for you and your partner is most important — even if that means a strap-on doesn’t work for you. As Frye-Nekrasova says, “If you try strap-ons and they aren't for you that is OK. Pleasure is not one size fits all, and it's OK if not every sex toy meets your fancy.”

Expert:

Javay Frye-Nekrasova, sex educator and “The Millennial Sexpert”