11 Blow Job Tips For Sensitive Gag Reflexes & Small Mouths

We’re always hearing that we could be having better sex, a better orgasm, or a better relationship. But how often do we hear the nitty-gritty of how we can actually better understand our deepest desires and most embarrassing questions? Bustle has enlisted Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist, to help us out with the details. Today's topic: tips for giving a blow job when you have a sensitive gag reflex and a small mouth.

Q: I’m not very experienced with blow jobs (I’ve only given them to a couple of partners). I have a really small mouth and a very active gag reflex. Sometimes I even gag when I’m trying to brush my teeth, that’s how bad it is! Each time I’ve tried giving a blow job in the past, I could only do it for a minute or two before my eyes would water up and I’d start gagging. Are there any ways to get rid of your gag reflex when giving a blow job?

A: Thanks for the question! It’s easy to hate on the gag reflex when you’re trying to give a blow job, but remember that it’s the gag reflex’s job to prevent you from choking to death! While you can’t “stop” or “turn off” your gag reflex, there are plenty of ways to get more comfortable giving blow jobs, while still respecting your own desires and limits.

1. Don't Pressure Yourself — Or Let Anyone Pressure You To Give A Blow Job

An important note: this article assumes that you actively want to give blow jobs, and are not pressuring yourself to give them or being coerced by a partner. You don't ever have to give a blow job if you don't feel comfortable with it, and you don't ever have to push your body past its natural limits — and no one should ever pressure you to do so, either. Period.

2. Practice With Your Fingers

If you decide you want to try to challenge yourself in this realm a bit, first know that there’s no real way to get rid of your gag reflex. But you can help desensitize it a bit using this routine: Take your pointer finger and place it on the tip of your tongue. Hold them there and breathe deeply in through your nose until you feel relaxed. Then scoot your finger back a centimeter and hold them there until you relax. Repeat this process until you get to the point where your gag reflex gets triggered. Keep your finger on that spot and focus on your breathing until you feel the reaction start to subside. (You may feel your tongue moving around under your finger; that’s perfectly normal.) If your gag reflex feels too strong, take your finger out, give yourself a break, then try again.

Once you’ve mastered one finger, repeat the whole process with two fingers, then three. This process takes time and daily practice, but it can work wonders, especially if you feel like your sensitive gag reflex is impeding your life in other ways.

3. Breathe

Getting your gag reflex activated is a scary feeling, by design. It’s hard not to get freaked out when you feel yourself starting to choke! It’s extremely important that you breathe in and out through your nose. This will help prevent you from gagging, and will also help soothe your anxiety.

4. Don’t Try To Deep Throat

A lot of women try to replicate the blow job moves they see in porn, which typically involve lots of deep throating. In reality, most women can’t deep throat, no matter how much they practice. It’s also not an essential part of a good blow job. Seriously, you can give amazing blow jobs without deep throating. Try to reset your expectations.

5. Slow Down

A lot of women think they should be bobbing up and down on the penis at breakneck speed during a blow job. (This is yet another sign of the influence of porn). That type of movement is a one-way street to gagging. Instead, keep your head relatively still, and focus on licking or sucking. You can move up and down a bit, but you don’t need to do much.

6. Focus On The Head

Conveniently, the majority of the nerve endings in the penis are in the head. This is one of the main reasons why it isn’t necessary to deep throat. You can provide way more stimulation with your mouth than you can with the back of your throat. Try some of these techniques:

• Wrap your lips around the base of his head and suck.
• Move your head up and down right along the ridge of his head.
• Swirl your tongue around his head.
• Keep your tongue wide and flat, and lick the seam on the underside of his head.

7. Use Your Hand

Perhaps the best trick for people with small mouths and sensitive gag reflexes is to get your hand involved. Your hand can do a ton of the work, and can free your mouth up to focus on the more sensitive head. Plus, your hand can provide a contrasting type of sensation. You can use more pressure than you can with your mouth. Wrap your hand around the base of his penis and slowly stroke up and down while you try some of the aforementioned techniques on the head. Let some saliva drip out of your mouth to give your hand plenty of lubrication.

8. ... Or Both Hands

If your mouth is really small, you can use both hands! Put one hand over the other, and slide them up and down in tandem as you lick the head. Or try gently twisting your hands as you move them up and down. Your hands will provide so much stimulation that you won’t even have to put his penis in your mouth.

9. Try Different Positions

Most women perform oral when their partners are lying flat on the bed. This can be a challenging position since your throat is at a 90-degree angle. It’s easy for the head of his penis to hit the back of your throat, triggering your gag reflex.

Instead, try lying on your back with your head draped over the edge, and have your partner approach you while standing or kneeling (depending on the height of your bed). This makes your throat straight and easier to penetrate. This position can be uncomfortable for some women since you’re not in control, so I’d suggest only doing it with partners you really trust. Go really slow at first and communicate with your partner until you feel comfortable.

10. Get The Backdoor Involved

Keep in mind that there are plenty of other ways to stimulate your guy during a blow job. Try using your fingers to play with his balls, taint, or anus (if he’s OK with it). With all that extra stimulation, you won’t feel like you have to do as much with his penis itself.

11. Respect Your Limits

We all have our physical limits when it comes to sex. It’s good to want to improve your sexual skills, but keep in mind that you don’t have to be perfect. As much as you might practice, you might never feel fully comfortable giving an intense blow job. Similarly, you could practice yoga every day but never be flexible enough for acrobatic sex positions, or you just might not be able to get your rhythm right when you’re on top. Try out the techniques I mentioned above, but don’t be too hard on yourself — or force yourself to do anything — if blow jobs are still too challenging or uncomfortable for you. Oral sex may be about giving, but it is still supposed to be pleasurable for both people involved.

Best of luck!