Most people think of a strap-on as something you use to penetrate someone if you don’t have a penis. However, there are lots of reasons someone with a penis might actually want to use a strap-on. Sex educator Kenneth Play has been trying to debunk the myth that strap-ons are just for those without penises, because they can improve the sex lives of many penis-owners and their partners.
A lot of people feel as if their penises should be what gives their partners sexual pleasure. “By believing that myth, you are robbing yourself and your partner of a lot of pleasure,” Play says. “You have performance pressure and anxiety if you look at sex as only based on your equipment. It’s actually a paradigm shift to have more pleasurable sex where you focus on pleasure rather than ego.”
Another sex myth Play wants to debunk is that sex can only be enjoyable if your genitals are receiving stimulation. Some people say they don’t understand the point of using strap-ons because they’re not getting pleasure out of it, but there’s a lot of pleasure that can come just from pleasing your partner.
So, now that we’ve established that, here are some times when your partner might benefit from using a strap-on even if they have a penis.
1If Your Partner Doesn’t Have An Erection
There are lots of ways sex can be great even if your partner doesn’t have an erection, and one way to get the experience of penetration regardless is to use a strap-on. This can be particularly useful for people with chronic erectile dysfunction. “I’ve had clients who had medical issues who found it challenging, but they wanted to be giving to their partner,” Play says. Just make sure it's cool with both partners first.
2If Your Partner Finishes Before You Want To Stop
Some people with penises find that they lose their erections after they orgasm, so if this happens to your partner but you want to continue, a strap-on can be a great substitute. This is especially helpful if your partner frequently finishes before you are satisfied. To make sure you get your fill, your partner can start off with a strap-on and then move to their “bio cock,” as Play calls it, when you're ready to wind down.
3If You Want To Try Double Penetration
Double penetration — when someone is penetrated vaginally and anally at the same time — is often thought of as an act reserved for threesomes. But a strap-on can actually allow your partner to penetrate both orifices themselves. And it works surprisingly well. “The thing about strap-ons is it’s not a real cock, so it’s adjustable,” says Play. “It doesn't matter if you bend it.”
4If You Want A Different Size Or Shape
Some people either crave a larger penis or find a smaller one more comfortable. If you fit either description — or just want to experiment with a different size — a strap-on could allow you to experience a different sensation while still being with your partner, Play says. It’s not just about size, though. “If they crave a different cock shape [...] they have options,” Play says.
5If You Want To Work Up To Anal Penetration
Since many people find anal penetration uncomfortable at first, using a strap-on that’s smaller than your partner's penis can help you get used to anal penetration gradually rather than experience their full size all at once. Play recommends starting with a very small strap-on and gradually working up to the size of your partner's penis.
If you want to experiment with strap-ons, Play recommends the Aslan Minx Harness and Mustang Vixen Dildo. And if the idea feels like a threat to your partner's ego, remind them it’s really not a replacement for their penis — it’s a different thing entirely. “Sex toys can add excitement to the game, and then you still have the same operator but different parts,” Play says. “Toys offers options, ultimately, so you can be creative.”
