20 Ways A Man's Brain Changes When He's In Love

At the start of a relationship, “the brain produces a very high level of a chemical called phenylethylamine (PEA),” licensed professional counselor Dr. Jake Porter, LPC, tells Bustle, which is why falling in love often feels so addicting.

“This naturally produced amphetamine is what makes people ‘high on love,’” he says. It also explains the feelings of joy, increased energy, and excitement associated with the early or honeymoon stage of a relationship.

According to Schiff, there are also overlapping neurochemical responses in the same areas of the brain for both substance addiction and love, which can be spotted on brain scans. This is because a new romantic relationship floods the "reward" center of the brain, resulting in new partners who feel positively obsessed with each other.

Ever notice how a love interest seems perfect in every way? That’s the PEA talking. It contributes to a bias toward the positive, Porter says, and it also plays an important role in nature’s “mating sequence” — aka the urge to stick with this “perfect” person long-term and maybe even make a baby.

“The high of PEA impairs our judgment causing us to overlook aspects in our new partners that we would otherwise find concerning or annoying,” he says. “Ideally, this clouding of judgment lasts long enough for us to form a more long-lasting bond, at which time those things start to bother us, but not enough to end the relationship.”

The brain is also busily working on forming good memories and cute associations in the early days of love. This is all thanks to the neurotransmitter oxytocin, Schiff says, which is better known as the “love hormone.”

“It helps the brain form fresh, positive memories with a new partner and form new neural connections, which helps to get rid of some mental baggage from past relationships,” Schiff tells Bustle. “It also helps deepen feelings of attachment towards your partner.”

Men in love tend to feel extra happy, which is also due to what’s going on in the brain. “When a man falls in love, high levels of dopamine — a chemical associated with the brain’s reward center — is released so he will feel a natural high and sense of euphoria,” Schiff says.

The release of dopamine also contributes to the physical sensations of love. "It may create a feeling of your heart racing and sweaty palms,” psychotherapist Kimberly Hershenson, LCSW tells Bustle, as well as an attraction to all things romance.

“Falling in love also deactivates the parts of the brain that govern social judgment and fear,” Schiff says. “So being in love and not caring who knows it is a real phenomenon.”

In a man’s case, Schiff says this may allow them to let their guard down just enough to be “mushy” in public — something that may typically be considered feminine and thus avoided.

It’s why your partner will want to hold hands, swing from lampposts, and/or shout from the rooftops that they’re in love.

If it seems like men typically fall in love faster than women, it could be chalked up to society’s gender roles. “Men may feel like they have to fulfill the expectation of taking a leadership role in a relationship,” Schiff says, thus jumping into relationships quickly in order to settle down.

On the flip side, a woman might take longer to fall in love because her focus is on selecting the best mate possible for reproduction, Schiff says. This is just a stereotype, however, as obviously doesn’t apply to everyone.

Here’s a cool love fact: "Love is so powerful that in laboratory tests, it reduces pain by half," says Dr. Jarred Younger, Ph.D., a neuroscientist and associate professor at the University of Alabama, Birmingham who has conducted brain scans on men and women when they're in love. "It does so by sending messages down to the spinal cord to block the pain messages before they reach the brain."

As part of his research on the subject, Younger also found that a new romantic relationship may change a man’s brain chemistry in a way that makes it easier for him to stop using addictive substances, like cigarettes. So if a dude suddenly ditches his smoking habit once he starts dating you, he very well may be falling in love.

When they’re truly in love, it can be tough for many heterosexual males to “see” other folks in the dating pool, Younger says. This is yet another effect of good ol’ oxytocin, which has been found to enhance the brain’s reward system when a man looks at his partner’s face. As their brain bathes in feel-good chemicals, they’ll feel certain their partner is more attractive and desirable than anyone else.

Let’s say you just started dating a man. If you somehow had access to a brain scan and were able to take a peek inside their head, Younger says you'd actually be able to tell whether or not they’re going to stay in love with you long-term.

“Brain scans at the beginning of the relationship can predict who will still be in a strong relationship 40 months later," he says. That isn’t to say, however, that it will be the same type of love experienced in the early days.

"Over time, the brain chemistry in men may change as the relationship shifts from intensely passionate to more familiar, comfortable, and intimate,” Younger says. “However, some men and women remain intensely, passionately in love even 20 years later. Those individuals still show activation of the reward areas of the brain."

Diving back into the psychology of love, let’s talk about how some men feel in the process, again based on society’s expectations.

Some may react by putting up an “emotional armor” in order to protect themselves from getting their feelings hurt. This is a direct response to a fear of vulnerability, clinical psychologist Dr. Josh Klapow tells Bustle, and it’s often interpreted by others as disinterest.

That's not to say men always put their guard up. Despite stereotypical notions about men's inability to express emotions, Klapow says plenty of guys are able to embrace their vulnerability — and are plenty comfortable showing it.

Again with the gender roles, a man in love is more likely to look for ways to provide for the person he’s falling for, Porter says. This is when he might take on extra hours at work, often to the detriment of his relationship. “I do believe hard work can be an expression of love from men,” Porter says. “What is needed in these situations is some balance between work and home.”

Another way a man might react, psychologically speaking, is by carving out more time in his day for the person he’s falling in love with. "When men are dating, but not yet in love, the relationship will fit into their life,” Klapow says. But once they’re in love, they will find ways to fit themselves into yours.

It could be argued that the change stands out more in men compared to women due to the way women are conditioned from a young age to put others first. “When in love, a man will begin thinking of your [his partner's] needs and wants before his," Hershenson says. "He’ll become willing to compromise and makes sure you [his partner] feel safe and supported."

It’s not necessarily that you’re only kind if you’re in love. But lots of people really do try harder to be nice once they're head-over-heels — men included. "They become acutely aware of their behavior and how it affects their partner," Klapow says, adding that this is when men will look for ways to be sweet. Think buying flowers or gifts.

This is the stage where he might try harder to impress with his appearance. "A man in love may pay attention to things he typically doesn’t pay attention to, like how he is speaking and his personal hygiene," Klapow says. Again, this is not always the case, but a fun thing to look for all the same.

For one last fun fact, you might notice that a man in love changes his language based on his feelings. So be on the lookout for terms such as “we” or “us,” Hershenson says, instead of “I” when he’s talking about future plans or making decisions. If you've ever done when falling in love, then you already know it means you’re pretty darn happy with someone — and are starting to see them as a part of your future.

At the beginning of any relationship, there are bound to be feelings of excitement and extreme attraction. This is amplified in men specifically, according to psychologist and relationship expert Dr. Justin D’Arienzo, Psy.D. “Men and their brains go through three stages in relationship formation,” he says. “Testosterone coursing through their system drives the initial romantic attraction. This is the lust phase — phase one — and it ensures that they will text and flirt with their partner.” This hormone rush might explain why some men may come on strong and hard when they first get involved with someone new.

Once a man gets past the initial phase of lust, which is driven by increased testosterone, the actual process of falling in love begins. When they meet someone they see a future with, new brain chemicals fixate them on their “target.”

“If it's a good match, romantic love or infatuation begins, which is driven by norepinephrine, dopamine, and serotonin,” says D’Arienzo. “These chemicals create the excitement, pleasure, increased energy, and obsessions toward the specific target setting the stage for pair bonding if there remains a suitable match.” Double-texting, frequently planned dates, and romantic gestures are common signs of this phase.

While there are logical reasons someone can decide that their partner is their forever person, men experience an increase in certain brain chemicals that help them make that decision.

Once a man has decided that his partner is “the one,” D’Arienzo explains that he enters into a phase of pair bonding. “This is where dopamine — the pleasure neurotransmitter — is replaced with more vasopressin and oxytocin, which secure the pair bond,” he says. “They produce that calm, warm feeling of security and desire to care for the other that may last a lifetime.”

As a man falls in love, his ability to think before he acts will start to wane a bit as the love chemicals take over. “The prefrontal cortex of the brain, which controls planning, decision making, and organization, goes offline,” says licensed psychologist Dr. David Tzall, Psy.D. At this point, men run more on emotion. “When we can't plan and use our rational part of the brain, we are likely to make more reactive and impulsive decisions based solely on our emotions and what feels good,” he explains. This might even materialize as not seeing their partner’s flaws, for instance.

Have you ever sat on the phone all night with a crush or gone on a date that ended up lasting into the wee hours of the night because things were going so well? According to psychology, this happens often when men begin to fall in love.

“The neurotransmitter norepinephrine increases, which can make us lose track of time,” says Tzall. When it’s released in conjunction with dopamine and oxytocin, he explains that a man will feel more connected — and the norepinephrine can make them talk on the phone or sit in the restaurant longer than they may realize. “This can have a powerful effect on both partners as the relationship can strengthen at a rapid pace when time between them is not an issue,” he says.