Here's Why You're Either A Birthday Person Or Birthday Hater

“It’s my birthday!” In the early 2010s, you couldn’t get through a season of Vanderpump Rules without hearing Stassi Schroeder repeat those words, usually on a beach in Cabo or at an upscale restaurant that, on any other day, would’ve been way out of her budget. Off-screen, there are two kinds of individuals: You have the birthday people, who fill the week with fancy dinners, late-night bar crawls, and boozy brunches. On the flip side, you have the ones who treat their birthday only as a date they write on forms at the doctor’s office.

There are countless factors that can impact our views on the day, either positively or negatively, from sibling birth order and the time of year that you were born to whether you’re an introvert or extrovert. For some, it can even serve as a painful reminder of the passage of time or make them feel like they’re falling behind. It’s not uncommon to have mixed feelings about getting older, but there’s no denying that the psychological landscape that separates birthday and non-birthday people is pretty vast.

How Birthday People Celebrate

If you enjoy going all-out to commemorate another trip around the sun, you can probably relate to Cassandra, 24. A self-proclaimed birthday person, for her 21st, she threw a four-day bash that consisted of a baseball game, a night at a bar, a nice dinner, and a themed party. “My birthday is Sept. 10, and I started planning in February,” Cassandra tells Bustle. This year, she’s planning to ring in 25 with six friends on a five-day trip to Mexico. The festivities don’t end there, though — because the trip doesn’t even fall on her actual birthday, which means she’ll have another round of plans for the big day.

Despite her extensive commitment to these celebrations, Cassandra didn’t always consider herself a birthday person. As the second youngest of six kids, she didn’t grow up with big parties every year. Not to mention, her date of birth was listed incorrectly in the school system growing up and as a result, her special day was shrouded in a lot of confusion when she was younger. It wasn’t until some of her older siblings had moved out and her mom gave her 16 gifts — one for every day leading up to her 16th birthday — that her view of the day began to change. “I think that was the catalyst for me being like, ‘OK, wait. I love my birthday now,’” Cassandra says.

Hayley, 33, on the other hand, has always been a birthday person. As a child, her mom would throw themed parties and bake cakes from scratch. Hayley has since carried that love for her big day into adulthood. Last year, she took a solo trip to France to see Arcade Fire on Sept. 26 (her DOB), and for her 30th, she went all-out with a multi-day celebration that included attending a performance of Hamilton, a few nice dinners with friends and family, and numerous bar and brewery gatherings.

“I wake up on my birthday, and I have all these texts coming in,” Hayley says. “You get to feel special for one day. I get to be the center of attention without having to demand it… I feel like I get to be the queen for a day.”

The Birthday Blues

Not everyone has the same relationship with their b-day. Olivia, 26, for example, has complicated feelings that date back to, well, the day she was born. Before she was adopted from Port-au-Prince, Haiti, at 6 months old, Olivia was randomly assigned a Feb. 13 birthday, a common practice in countries where doctors aren’t always present at birth.

Every year when the day rolls around, she finds herself wondering, “‘Is it actually my birthday? Was I born a month earlier?’” She also struggles with “birthday blues” and bouts of sadness, telling Bustle that turning another year older always makes her feel like she’s falling behind in life. “The majority of my friends are married, they're all pregnant or having kids,” Olivia says. “And I'm over here, it's like me and my dog.”

According to Leeor Gal, a licensed marriage and family therapist, it’s common to spend your birthday comparing yourself to others. These milestones often come with all sorts of expectations — about how to celebrate, who to do it with, what the age signifies, and more.

For Lila, 21, it’s not the aging that brings out the negative feelings in her – it’s the attention. As a shy child and the youngest of four kids, Lila never enjoyed having the focus completely on her. Born on June 17, Lila says that celebrating a birthday during the summer complicates things even further, because it’s typically the start of everyone’s summer vacation plans. “It's kind of the worst month to have a birthday,” she tells Bustle.

According to Gal, some people may develop their resentment for the day during childhood if the people in their lives failed to celebrate them the way they desired. Having parents who don’t put much emphasis on birthdays, for example, can leave kids yearning for the special day they never got to have. On the other hand, there could be children who don’t want a big celebration, but their parents go above and beyond regardless. Per Gal, if the child is “innately more introverted or doesn't want that type of attention,” they might back away from embracing their birthday entirely.

If you relate, there are ways to make your birthday work in your favor. For starters, Gal recommends treating it like any other day of the year. You can also use it as a day to decompress and pamper yourself, if that feels true to you. The goal is to align with your desires “rather than the needs and wants of everybody else around you,” says the expert. It’s your day, after all. Take a page out of Stassi’s book and live it exactly the way you want.

Source:

Leeor Gal, licensed marriage and family therapist, owner of The Therapy Gal, and TikTok creator