Is It OK To Back Out Of A Trip Last Minute?

There’s something about a great night out with friends that can quickly spiral out of control. One second you’re splitting a bottle of wine at happy hour, and the next your bestie is changing the group chat name to “Cancún 2024!!” Suddenly you’re signed up for a group trip.

Even if your trip was planned sans booze, that doesn’t mean conflicts won’t arise. If that happens, go ahead and pull out of those plans. You might be the public enemy No. 1 for a while, but it’ll be worth it in the long run.

Sure, you don’t want your cancellation to hurt any feelings, and you know your absence will result in a bigger burden than your friends signed up for. But if you’re in a tough spot financially, physically, or mentally, you’re probably not in a position to be traveling. (Plus, the wave of relief that’ll wash over you once you’ve removed it from your calendar will be nothing short of euphoric.)

Of course, calling out of a group getaway on short notice is easier said than done. But believe it or not, it is possible to do so in a way that doesn’t screw over your pals or ruin friendships for good. So if you’re looking for an excuse that’ll allow you to withdraw peacefully — and advice for breaking the news — keep reading.

The Math Ain’t Mathing

Life is filled with unexpected costs, from Airbnb service fees to pricey dinner reservations you’d rather skip. A group trip can quickly go from “surprisingly in-budget” to “I’ll never financially recover from this.” On top of that, unforeseen rent increases, emergency pet surgeries, or last-minute car repairs could leave you in a different financial situation than when you agreed to the trip.

If that happens, the most economically sound decision you can make is to call it quits, even if you’ve already paid for a portion of the trip.

Your Gut Is Telling You “No”

If you find yourself questioning your RSVP as the departure date nears, take that as a sign to bow out. Gut feelings are unshakable, and you won’t be able to enjoy a getaway if your nervous system is in fight-or-flight.

Lucy,* a college student in New York, once made plans to join a high-school friend on a trip to Kentucky. Though the trip mostly coincided with her spring break, she still would’ve had to miss a few days of school. Worried about the possibility of slipping grades and falling behind on homework, Lucy found herself regretting her initial agreement. “I just recall when I said yes, my gut told me I should have said no,” she tells Bustle.

Lucy trusted her intuition and pulled out one week before the trip. She felt terrible for the imposition, and hearing her friend “burst out in tears” over the phone wasn’t easy, but Lucy didn’t regret the decision — although it took a few months for them to mend fences. To avoid repeating the mistake, she recommends “really [thinking] about all the logistics, pricing, dates, and other priorities” before committing to a group trip.

Your Time Off Is Precious

Group trips require resources beyond finances. You’re also committing your social battery, privacy, and cherished PTO. According to Forbes, the average American gets only 11 paid days off a year.

Burnout is real, and with only so many vacation days, it’s important to consider how much you need to relax and unwind. A getaway where your schedule is packed with activities — some of which might’ve been booked without your input — might not be the type of escape you need.

The Sleeping Arrangements Aren’t Ideal

Maybe you agreed to the group getaway without realizing it meant splitting a room or bed — if Housewives have taught us anything, it’s that sharing space on a girls’ trip isn’t always a breeze. Not only will you have to accommodate your bunkmate’s sleep schedule, preferred room temperature, and sheet-hogging, but tensions could run high when you’re in such close quarters. The last thing you want is to return from your trip with one less friend.

Schedule Conflicts

Birthday dinners and housewarming parties don’t stop just because you’re out of town. And although it might be an unpopular opinion, prior engagements shouldn’t always take precedence.

Just ask Tyler* who was set to attend his friend’s bachelorette party but had to cancel last minute after discovering his band’s album release party was taking place the same weekend. “I would’ve liked to [play the show] and also be there for my friend, but one of [the commitments] required me doing a service, and the other one, the service would just be my presence,” he tells Bustle.

Of all the reasons to pull out of a trip, this might be the hardest sell. To help soften the blow, take a tip from Tyler: “Hold up [your] end of the bargain” and continue to pay for your portion of the trip.

How To Tell The Group Chat

So you’ve crunched the numbers, weighed the pros and cons, and decided it’s in your best interest to pull out of the trip. Now what?

According to etiquette expert Lisa Grotts, the best thing to do is be transparent and alert your party ASAP. “It’s cliché, but honesty is always the best policy,” she says. “Never keep your travel mates guessing. Be as up-front as possible so other plans can be made [in your absence].”

It’s probably not what your friends want to hear, but hopefully your candor will help smooth things over. Consider sitting them down and having an open conversation about how you came to your decision. If you can’t physically be together, group FaceTimes and individual phone calls work too.

Grotts suggests being sensitive to their reactions and the challenges that’ll likely arise as a result (financial or otherwise). You could always surprise your besties with a bottle of champagne at their hotel, or a note sending them good vibes for the trip.

And remember, real ones will understand — just remember to be gentle when breaking the news.

Source:

Lisa Grotts, certified etiquette professional

*Names have been changed