We’re always hearing that we could be having better sex, a better orgasm, or a better relationship. But how often do we hear the nitty-gritty of how we can actually better understand our deepest desires and most embarrassing questions? Bustle has enlisted Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist based in San Francisco, to help us out with the details. No gender, sexual orientation, or question is off limits, and all questions remain anonymous. Now, onto today’s topic: the best positions for using sex toys.
Q: I have a hard time orgasming during intercourse. I’ve learned through your articles that this is pretty normal, so I’m trying to think of other ways to help get me there. One thought I had was to bring some sex toys into the bedroom. I tried using my vibrator once, but I have a pretty big one and it felt like it was getting in the way. What are the best positions for using a vibrator with a partner?
A: You’re right — there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you for not being able to orgasm during intercourse. Most women can’t. Kudos to you for not getting hung up on that, and for brainstorming other ways to get the stimulation your body needs!
Using a vibrator is a great way to have more orgasms during partnered sex. It can take a little bit of effort to figure out the logistics of bringing a sex toy into the bedroom. You have to think about positions and body parts in a slightly new way. But don’t let this deter you. The rewards are well-worth the extra work! Here are five great positions for using a toy with a partner!
Missionary
Incorporating sex toys into your sex life doesn’t have to be complicated. One of the easiest positions for bringing in a sex toy is good ‘ol Missionary! Holding something against your clitoris can be a bit tricky when your bodies are pressed tightly together, so you’ll want a toy that can stay in place on its own. If you sleep with men, you can have your partner put on a vibrating cock ring, like the Lovelife Couples Ring from OhMiBod or the Mio by JeJoue. Or take a look at the EVA by Dame, which is a hands-free toy designed to sit on top of your clitoris.
Lovelife Share Vibrator, $59, Amazon
Mio Je Joue, $109, Amazon
Missionary is also compatible with strap-on usage, whether you’re sleeping with women, or going for double penetration. Slip a vibrating cock ring onto a dildo for that added stimulation you’re looking for.
Doggystyle
Doggystyle lends itself to a wide variety of toy sizes since there isn’t a lot of contact between your bodies. This is a great position for a larger toy, since it won’t “get in the way” like it might have in Missionary or other positions. Or you can look for something small that fits into your hand easily, like the LELO Lily. You can hold the vibrator against your clitoris with one hand, and use the other hand to help herself stay propped up. Or you can go down to one elbow, to make balancing a little easier. You can even have your partner reach around and use the toy on you.
Lelo Lily, $129, Amazon
If your partner is a guy who doesn’t tend to last long during intercourse, he can take breaks to stimulate you with a vibrator. I like the Ola by Minna Life because you can alternate between internal penetration and external clitoral stimulation, all while he gets a few minutes to cool down.
Ola by Minna Life, $149, Amazon
Woman On Top
Cowgirl is one of the most effective positions for female orgasm since the woman is in control. You can move your body in the way that feels best for you. Woman on top is also a great position for vibrator usage. If you’re using a vibrating cock ring, you can push your clitoris up against the vibrating portion with the exact right level of pressure that feels good for you. The flat base of the LELO Tor II works well for this purpose!
Lelo Tor II, $144, Amazon
Another one of my favorite tricks is to balance the Limon by Minna Life between your body and your partner’s body. The Limon is activated by squeezing, so you can use the pressure between your bodies to turn the vibrations on and off as you please.
Limon By Minna Life, $119, Amazon
If you flip around into Reverse Cowgirl, you’ll also have a little more space to use a vibrator. If you have a male partner, he may enjoy the residual vibrations on his balls!
Spread Eagle
Start in Missionary, then have your partner sit up, pulling your hips up into a low bridge position. They can crouch upright, or rest their butt on their calves. One of your legs should be on either side of your partner’s body, so you’ll be spread wide open! You can reach down a use a sex toy on your clitoris, or your partner can use one on you. Since your bodies are still pretty close together here, I’d recommend a smaller toy like the LELO Lily.
Tag-Team
You don’t need to be having intercourse to enjoy using a toy with a partner — one of the hottest moves to try is lying on your back and masturbating with a toy while your partner watches. You can use any size toy you like, and your partner will definitely enjoy the show! You can also have your partner join in on the fun by stimulating you with the toy or their fingers. You can use a vibrator on your clitoris while your partner uses a separate vibrator or dildo to penetrate you. Double the pleasure!
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Images: Caroline Wurtzel/Bustle
