We’re always hearing that we could be having better sex , a better orgasm, or a better relationship. But how often do we hear the nitty-gritty of how we can actually better understand our deepest desires and most embarrassing questions? Bustle has enlisted Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist based in San Francisco, to help us out with the details. No gender, sexual orientation, or question is off limits, and all questions remain anonymous. Now, onto this week’s topic: The best sex positions for well-endowed men — and the women who want to sleep with them.
Q: The new guy I’m dating is extremely well-endowed. You would think it would be awesome, but it’s actually not. He's so large that sex in my favorite positions is totally out of the question, especially when he starts thrusting hard or goes too deep. Can you give me some fresh ideas for other sex positions we can try?
A: Thanks for the question! Most men are so size-obsessed that they fail to realize that a large penis can be painful. Bigger is not always better!
First, here are some general tips for making sex with a well-endowed partner more comfortable:
- Go slow, especially at first. Your vaginal walls can stretch quite a bit, but they need time to relax and adjust. Don’t start intercourse until you feel very aroused.
- Use lots of lube. This will decrease pain and vaginal tearing.
- Don’t go all the way in. A well-endowed guy isn’t going to be able to bury himself up to the hilt. This can be a challenge, but it’s often a necessary precaution.
- Communicate. Don’t ever try to “tough it out” when you’re in pain. Let him know when it’s too much for you.
Every body (and every combination of bodies!) is different, but there are certain positions that tend to work better for larger guys.
1. Reverse Cowgirl
How to do it: Have your guy lie flat on his back. Facing his toes, straddle his waist with one of your legs on either side of his body. Use your hand to guide his penis into you. Then bend at the waist and rest your body weight on your palms.
Why it works: The bent over angle creates shallower penetration, and being on top puts you in control of the depth and pace. You can take it nice and slow, and he gets an incredible view!
Ways to play: Try going down to your forearms, which will create a different angle of penetration. You can also grind your hips in circles instead of moving up and down.
2. Modified Woman On Top
How to do it: The approach is the same as Reverse Cowgirl, but this time you’re facing his head instead of his feet. Lean your body forward, so that you’re resting on your forearms. Slowly stretch your legs out straight behind you.
Why it works: You’re in control of the penetration, angle, and movement, so you can find what feels comfortable. There’s not much thrusting involved here, so you’re not likely to feel any pain. You also get good clitoral stimulation from rubbing against his shaft or abdomen.
Ways to play: You can try opening or closing your thighs to change the penetration. You can also try staying on your knees and not extending your legs. Or you can adjust the top half of your body by fully laying on top of his chest or propping yourself up on your hands.
3. Standing Doggystyle
How to do it: Stand up and face the same direction as your man. Have him penetrate you from behind. You can put your hands up against the wall or a piece of furniture for leverage. This can be a tricky position to start out in, so use lube to get things going. You can also lift one of your legs for easier access.
Why it works: Unless you’re exactly the same height, he won’t be able to thrust into you too deeply, and you'll be able to touch your clit. You also have the ability to pull your body away from his if he’s starting to get too deep. It feels animalistic and raunchy, without the pain that tends to accompany doggystyle.
Ways to play: This is a really hot position to try out in different parts of your home. Try it in the shower! Or in the hallway right when you get home!
4. The Three-Legged Dog
How to do it: Stand up and face your man. Have him wrap the crook of his arm under your knee, and hold your leg up and off to the side. He should penetrate you from the front. Like with Standing Doggystyle, you may need to use some lube to get started.
Why it works: It’s always tricky to get super deep penetration when you’re standing, so he can thrust away without causing you pain.
Ways to play: Try wrapping your leg around his waist and squeezing him closer.
5. The Proposal
How to do it: Have him kneel with one knee on the ground, and the other foot on the ground (like he’s getting down on one knee to propose). You approach him on both of your knees, and ease him into you. If your bodies aren’t the right heights, you can stay flat on your feet and lower down onto him in a crouching position.
Why it works: You’re in control of penetration, and you get to figure out exactly how to position your bodies. It’s a somewhat complicated position, which means he won’t be able to thrust that exuberantly. Some of his shaft may even rub against your clitoris, giving you some extra stimulation!
Ways to play: You can try closing or widening the angle of your legs. Or you can prop one of your legs up too. Or you can perch on his bended knee.
6. Side By Side
How to do it: Lie down, facing each other. Wrap your top leg around his waist and have him enter you.
Why it works: He doesn’t have a ton of leverage, so he won’t be able to thrust very hard. The angle also prevents super deep penetration. You can control how deep he does by squeezing him in closer with your leg. This position is really sweet and intimate, and makes for great lazy Sunday afternoon sex.
Ways to play: Try angling your bodies closer or further from each other. You can also try keeping your leg straight, for a pretty different sensation.
7. The Crab Walk
How to do it: Have him sit, with his feet flat on the floor and his hands behind him, supporting his weight. Remember doing the crab walk in Junior High gym class? That’s what you’re doing here. Get in the same position, but facing him. Lift your pelvis, and slowly move your body towards his until you can lower down onto his penis.
Why it works: Your bodies are relatively far from each others’, so he won’t be able to penetrate you too deeply. You’re also more in control over the depth than he is, so you can back off if you feel any pain.
Ways to play: Get down onto your elbows for a new angle. Or tell him to stay still while you grind up against him and touch your clit.
Good luck, and have fun!
Want more of Bustle's Sex and Relationships coverage? Check out our new podcast, I Want It That Way, which delves into the difficult and downright dirty parts of a relationship, and find more on our Soundcloud page.
Images: Caroline Wurtzel/Bustle
