We’re always hearing that we could be having better sex, a better orgasm, or a better relationship. But how often do we hear the nitty-gritty of how we can actually better understand our deepest desires and most embarrassing questions? Bustle has enlisted Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist based in San Francisco, to help us out with the details. No gender, sexual orientation, or question is off limits, and all questions remain anonymous. Now, onto this week’s topic: 10 tips for giving the best hand job. Because even if you're already pretty great at it, there might be something more you can learn.
Q: I’m not ready to lose my virginity yet, so my boyfriend and I do “everything but.” I mostly give him blow jobs, but I was thinking it might be nice to throw in a hand job every now and then to switch things up. I never really felt that confident about my hand job technique though. It seems like it would be boring since it’s something he can do to himself. Any tips or advice for how to give a good one? I'd really like to feel more confident when it comes to giving my partner handjobs.
A: In my humble opinion, handjobs are vastly underrated! A lot of people tend to think they “grow out of” handjobs after junior high, but I think the handjob deserves a spot in any adult’s sexual repertoire.
Handjobs bring back fun memories for a lot of men! They can evoke nostalgia for your youthful days of sneaking in a quick one before any adults caught you. But handjobs are easy to bring into the modern era too. With just a few techniques, you can give your partner a sophisticated hand job that will leave him reeling.
1. Use Lube
One of the best ways to bring the hand job into the adult bedroom is to use lube. You want your hand to slide over the penis, not tug at it. Lube will make him feel more comfortable, and will give you a wider range of motion.
I like silicone lubes like Pjur the best because they last a long time and feel fantastic against the skin. Coconut oil works pretty well too, but doesn’t tend to feel as silky. In a pinch, you can use body lotion, but try to use something that’s not fragranced or made with a lot of chemicals.
Pjur Original Lubricant, $10, Amazon
2. Get Right To The Good Stuff
I'd argue that most women love being teased in the bedroom, so they tend to tease their male partners in return. Most of the men I’ve talked to have said that too much teasing and tickling in the crotch region feels uncomfortable. Spending lots of time kissing is great, but when you’re ready to give a hand job, my recommendation is to jump right into it. Wrap your hand around the shaft without wasting any time. Do a few languid up and down strokes to get him going.
3. Use More Pressure
A lot of women don’t realize just how sturdy the male penis is. They tend to treat it daintily, as if it might break off in their hands. It should come as no surprise that this makes for a pretty boring hand job! Instead, grip the penis firmly in your hand, and keep a tight hold as you move your fist up and down his shaft.
An easy way to get a sense of how much pressure you can use is to wrap your hand around your boyfriend’s penis and start gently increasing the pressure of your grip. Ask him to let you know when it starts to feel uncomfortable. You’ll probably be surprised by just how tightly you can squeeze.
4. Play With Different Positions
A good hand job requires good leverage. Laying side by side and trying to do the old reach-around isn’t going to cut it. Instead, try sitting cross-legged between his legs, while he lies flat on his back. Or have him drape his legs over the side of the bed, while you kneel on the floor between his feet.
5. Use Both Hands
Hand jobs are pretty versatile, especially when you get both hands involved. It might require a little extra dexterity on your part, but if you’ve got two hands, why not use ‘em?
Here are some specific strokes to try:
- Make an “O” with your thumb and pointer finger of one hand. Twist the “O” back and forth over the head of his penis. Make a fist with the other hand, and move up and down the remainder of his shaft.
- Place one fist over the other, and move both up and down simultaneously.
- Interlace your fingers and move your hands together.
6. Get The Balls Involved…
Another great way to utilize both hands is to stimulate his testicles. A lot of women don’t realize just how pleasurable this is for most men! You want to be much more delicate with his testicles than you are with his shaft, but even the lightest touch can create a lot of stimulation. Try cupping both balls in one of your hands, or lightly squeezing them together. You can gently tug down on one at a time, or both of them together. Another good trick is to ever-so-softly take the skin between his testicles in between your thumb and pointer finger.
7. … And the backdoor
A little anal action can take a hand job from good to earth-shattering. Put a little bit of lube on your finger, and gently press it against his anus. Since the anus can be taboo for a lot of men, it’s a good idea to ask him about this before trying it.
If he’s squeamish, you can focus your attention on his perineum — the skin between his balls and his anus. The perineum requires a little more pressure than the anus, so you can use the knuckle of your pointer or middle finger to massage the skin.
8. Learn From The Master
The best way for you to learn how to please him with your hand is to ask him to show you how he does it! He’s likely to have been masturbating for years, so he probably knows just what kind of stimulation he likes. Watching him masturbate can be an incredibly erotic experience in and of itself.
9. Remember: Consistency Is Key
Some women try to get too fancy with hand jobs, almost like they’re trying to show off every possible stroke that they can think of. A good hand job doesn’t require hand gymnastics. It’s fine to try out two or three different techniques, but most guys need consistency, especially as they’re nearing orgasm.
10. Have Fun!
One of the best qualities of a good lover is enthusiasm. If you’re on the receiving end of a hand job and you know your partner is enjoying what they’re doing, it makes the experience so much more pleasurable. Don’t forget to have fun!
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Images: Danilo Urbina/Flickr; Giphy
