In case you forgot between Season 1 and Season 2 of Southern Charm, Whitney's mom Patricia Altschul is one-of-a-kind. Her hilarious comments, ridiculously glam lifestyle (worthy of Lady Gaga, it would seem), and overall air of exclusivity instantly makes her one of my favorite cast members on the show. But part of the reason she's got such an air of over the top class is thanks to Patricia's butler and personal bartender, Michael. And let me just say, Michael is extremely intriguing. What is Michael's story? How did he and Patricia meet? Is he used just for the show, or Patricia really have a man ready to make her "medicine" at any given moment? I have so many questions for the man who carries his own martini fixings to a christening.
We don't know much about Michael's real life, other than he provides Ms. Patricia with her medicine (er, cocktails) everyday. And honestly, that's enough for me to love him. But because there isn't much information about Michael out there (there's a LinkedIn profile, but I don't know if I'm buying the "Mike" name), I figure it would be for the best to suggest what Michael's backstory could be. Also, I'd like to pitch a spin-off for Michael, because someone who spends that much time with Patricia needs their own show.
Here are my three admittedly out there theories as to what Michael's story could be:
Theory 1: He's Fleeing The Windy City
Born and raised in the south side of Chicago, young Michael always dreamed of living in the South after falling in love with Gone with the Wind. After college, Mike (he went by Mike in Chicago), ran away to South Carolina in hopes of becoming a social figure in the town. He returned to his birth name "Michael" and quickly took on an accent that was slightly indistinguishable, masking his proclivity to say stuff like "da bears."
After a few months, now-Michael realized his social life wasn't taking off the way he had hoped, so he starting taking odd jobs, here and there around town. One of them was a job as a bartender. One night in Charleston, an elegant woman entered the bar where Michael worked and asked for a martini. "One or two olives?" Michael asked before topping the wide-brimmed glass with his specialty martini.
The woman, Patricia Altschul, took one sip of the martini that Michael placed in front of her. "This is the best martini I've ever had," she says, between gulps, "You must make these for me every single day."
And that's how Michael met Patricia.
Theory 2: Like Matilda, Only Not
Born in the outskirts of Charleston society, Michael always adopted the most polite manner in life. He trained himself to speak with dignity and class, going to the library at a young age and reading books (he was basically the male version of Roald Dahl's Matilda, minus the magic powers). Growing up, he slowly started assimilating into the high-society folk of South Carolina, blending in extremely well.
He became one of the most well-spoken mystery men of Charleston, when he met Patricia, who took him completely under her wing and befriended him. Patricia asked Michael to move in with her in her beautiful home, as long as he promised to make his mean martini for her each day.
Theory 3: The Ex Soap Star
Mike, born in Minnesota, longed for fame for a long time. When he turned 18, he escaped to Los Angeles in hopes of pursuing a career in Hollywood. For years, he didn't get many big roles, he was an extra here and there, but finally hit it big in the '80s when he landed a recurring guest spot on All My Children. Unfortunately, the show killed his character off much quicker than he was expecting and found himself unemployed again.
Living with five other struggling actors in a two-bedroom apartment in Hollywood wasn't easy, so Mike started bartending on the side to make ends meet. His big break came later in life, when he started taking acting jobs for "reality shows," specifically Southern Charm. He was cast as "Michael" the butler for Patricia Altschul, and this was his big break. No one will take this from him, no one. Watch out Michael Caine, there's a new Michael in town (well, at least in Charleston).
Images: Screengrab/Bravo; Giphy (3)
