Jake Has The Worst Luck On 'Brooklyn Nine-Nine'

We all knew this day was coming. Brooklyn Nine-Nine 's Jake Peralta has been faced with the threat of suspension before, but on Sunday night's episode, it finally happened. Jake failed his drug test when traces of cocaine and methamphetamine were found in his urine, and so Captain Holt temporarily suspended him from the force.

Wait, what? There's no doubt that Jake is a bit of a prankster in the 99th Precinct, and he has a tendency to be insubordinate, but the dude is a police detective. And a good one at that. He would never do something illegal like this... right?

We can all breathe a sigh of relief because no, Jake did not actually take drugs or do anything that warranted a suspension from the force. The failed drug test was actually the cherry on top of a pretty bad week — OK, the worst week — that included his power going out, his hot water being turned off, his car running out of gas, and his clothes being stolen from the laundromat.

Now all of this just seemed like a streak of terrible luck at first, but cue the record scratch sound effect, because all of these awful occurrences just couldn't be a coincidence. Jake filled up his car with gas this week. Yeah, no one believed him either, but he had the gas station receipt, so it was true. This means that someone set out to sabotage Jake's drug test and basically ruin his life.

While Amy and Rosa looked for suspects that might want to take down Jake, he had to sit out of the investigation because of his suspension. Jake always gets the job done, but he's this weird combination of fierce police detective and slacker, so I was surprised that he was so eager to be involved in cracking the case. That's probably just because Jake wasn't allowed to be working. You rebel, Jake, you.

Jake finally got the hint, albeit begrudgingly, when Amy and Rosa told him to get lost. What a mistake that was on their part because two seconds later, Jake found the person who was trying to destroy him, or should I say that person found him. It was Geoffrey Hoytsman, the boss of Jake's ex Sophia, played by guest star Chris Parnell.

During Hoytsman's first appearance on Brooklyn Nine-Nine a few episodes back, Jake discovered that he was a cocaine addict. Jake arrested Hoytsman for cocaine possession, but he got off easy with just some community service. Or so Jake thought.

You see, Hoytsman really wanted to be done with that community service as quickly as possible, so he did a bunch of drugs to make him complete it more quickly, which got him into a whole new batch of trouble, causing him to lose his job, his wife, and his home. Because Hoytsman believed Jake destroyed his life, he wanted to destroy Jake's. So that pee filled with traces of drugs? Yeah, that was Hoytsman's.

Though Hoytsman is a total buffoon, this is like the closest Jake has ever been to real danger on Brooklyn Nine-Nine. I mean, Hoytsman tied him up, held him hostage, and told him that he would kill him if he didn't record a message confessing to taking drugs and a whole bunch of other offenses Hoytsman has committed over the years. Jake complied, but then quickly realized that Hoytsman tricked him because he was left with the choice of killing himself or having Hoytsman kill him in the end.

Luckily, things didn't get that serious. Jake's failed attempt to escape Hoytsman ice cream truck hideout gave us a new phrase called "turtling," when you can't get out of the chair you're tied to and your legs just kind of flail, like a turtle in a shell. Amy and Rosa soon found Jake, and rescued him from any harm.

I'd say this is the last we're going to hear from Hoytsman, but I kind of don't want it to be. I didn't like that his antics in this episode made me terrified for Jake's safety. There's no doubt about that. However, his straight-laced kookiness is always a highlight in any show he appears in. If the writers can figure out a way to bring Hoytsman back now that he's surely going to prison for a long, long time, please do.

Images: Eddy Chen/Fox; the-ninenine, chinuplittlepup/Tumblr; Giphy