Adam Levine Is Tying The Knot Today

We can’t pretend it isn’t happening anymore. It’s happening right now, in fact: Adam Levine is marrying Behati Prinsloo. The two have been dating since May 2012 and though they broke up briefly in March 2013, they ended up reconciling and getting engaged in July 2013. Now, they are off on some beach in Mexico preparing for their “happily ever after,” while we're here trying and accept that it never, ever could’ve been us. Unless of course, you too are a Victoria Secret model who hails from South Africa and slays it on the runway in your free time — then maybe you did.

Between his questionable decision to go blonde and being titled People magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive in 2013, we had plenty of Levine news to keep otherwise occupied. But now that the wedding is actually happening, we have to find a way to cope. Naturally, the most obvious way to deal with this painful news is to torture yourself with all of the bits and pieces that have been revealed about the nuptials, which are going down at Hotel El Ganzo in Los Cabos, Mexico. But, we've got a better way to do that: Why not go through the five stages of grief with songs by Levine's band, Maroon 5.

“Sunday Morning” the Denial Will Kick In

Unfortunately, it isn’t Sunday morning. It’s Saturday, and Levine is still very much exchanging vows with someone who isn’t me or you. But back in 2003, before his model fixation became evident, we had hope that someday he would come and rest his bones with us.

The tune helped launched the band into stardom, and once again his bandmates will be coming to his aid to help him get hitched. Keyboard player and childhood friend Jesse Carmichael will be Levine's best man, and guitarist James Valentine will play a solo acoustic guitar medley of Beatles music to welcome guest to the ceremony.

This Anger Is Making It “Harder to Breathe”

There’s no way we’re gonna give up. It isn’t over it. There is still time. Oh wait, this just in: Fleetwood Mac’s Stevie Nicks will perform at the wedding. No one gets Stevie Nicks to perform, and then doesn’t go through with it. No one. It’s unclear what Nicks will be singing at the ceremony, but it will undoubtedly be perfection. “Landslide” seems a bit somber – but it would certainly reflect our feelings right now.

Fun tidbit: Nicks will link up with Levine once again later this year when she serves as guest mentor for his group on The Voice.

Bargaining: What If We Get "Moves Like Jagger"?

Sorry ladies, newly acquired tongue skills aren’t going to sway the Maroon 5 front man at this point. During a recent interview with ABC News, guitarist Valentine revealed that Levine wasn’t even nervous about his impending nuptials.

I expected him to be more nervous. They’re very amped up. They’re very happy. It’s going to be really fun. They’re so much fun to be around together. I’m very happy for them.

Well that makes one of us. Okay, okay. Two of us. But I can’t attend the wedding on such short notice. Perhaps if we postponed….

Depression: “Misery,” Just… Misery

How did things get this far? Not even Levine thought he’d be tying the knot. Looking back on his commitment to never really committing, during an interview with Jay Leno, the singer said,

I still don’t necessarily think you have to get married unless you meet someone that makes you want to marry them. And then you marry them and it’s wonderful.

Awww. Okay, I tried to be mad, but on some level, that’s kind of sweet, no? Make it life lesson: Don’t go marrying anyone unless they are so great that they require marrying.

Acceptance: At Least “She Will Be Loved”

Sorry Blake.

Image: Rebloggy