This Is What A Crush Sounds Like

In my new book, Crush: A Novel, a happily married woman develops a massive crush on a friend and tries to figure out, mostly through ransacking the history of world literature, how to keep both men in her life without losing either one. I did the best I could to capture the feeling of romantic obsession in Crush, but music is objectively the best art form for the job. The inner dialogue of a mixtape — say, Journey’s earnestness plus Al Green’s warmth times Chappell Roan’s urgency, or Boyz II Men’s florid yearning combined with a direct plea of The Ramones’ “I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend” — pinpoints the overlapping feelings of infatuation in a way movies and television can only scratch at.

What follows are songs I listened to while writing the novel that, to me, illustrate the various phases in the lifespan of a crush, which itself inhabits an odd liminal space between love and friendship. The crush can be delightful, excruciating, or transformative — sometimes all in the same day — and it rarely fails to add to one’s playlists. Perhaps one unqualified good of romantic infatuation is that, when it ends, you’ll at least be left with a few songs to remember it by.

When You’re in That Early Phase of Uncertainty

“The Waiting” by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers

Yes, the waiting is the hardest part, and time takes on a new rhythm as “every day you see one more card.” This song also gets at how simultaneously delicious and brutal this stage of unknowing can be.

“Lost in Emotion” by Lisa Lisa & Cult Jam

Basically half of pop music is about trying to figure out if someone likes you. I like this version because it’s so bouncy while also hinting at real longing. You can “que sera, que sera” all day to pretend you don’t really care, but you really care.

When a Crush Makes You Feel Unstoppable

“Crush Story” by Too Much Joy

One thing I love about this song is that it says that crushes are better than love. Indeed, this stage when everything is still abstract and intoxicating has some advantages over actually getting together. As frontman Tim Quirk puts it: “Everything you’ve ever said is brilliant / Anything you wanna do is fine with me.”

“Another Girl, Another Planet” by The Only Ones

I used a couple of lyrics from this song in my book, so I contacted songwriter Peter Perrett to ask permission. He generously said yes, and when I asked if the song was about crushes or heroin (as most songs written in the 1970s are about heroin), he said: “The song is indeed about ‘crushes,’ using imagery analogous to my contemporaneous infatuation with heroin. The heroin flirtation, thankfully, only lasted 35 years. Compared to my ongoing 55 years of marriage. Perhaps demonstrating that interhuman relationships can (and should) be stronger and more enduring than the bond between man and substance.”

When the Crush Is Platonic, But Still Powerful

“Burn One With John Prine” by Kacey Musgraves

How adorable is this video, where Musgraves sings her song about John Prine with John Prine? She just likes him so much! Plenty of crushes are not really sexual or romantic but just so enthusiastic. She captures that feeling where your whole life boils down into this one thing you want to do with the person who’s captured your heart, and you’re somehow sure, even though you have no proof, that this person will completely understand you.

When You Become Totally Obsessed

“Perfume” by Old 97’s

“I Melt With You” by Modern English

“Breathless” by Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds

“I’m on Fire” by Bruce Springsteen

It can be a beautiful day outside. Other people can be around. But this person’s perfume is the only thing “jazzing up the atmosphere,” in the words of the Old 97’s. Also: You can’t breathe. Also: You just want to stop the world and melt with the person. Also: You are on fire.

When You’re Self-Justifying Whatever You Want to Do

There are times when you may want to psych yourself up to pursue this crush, and this is where music is particularly useful. At this stage, you might want to pick a specific reason to go for it.

“I Take My Chances” by Mary Chapin Carpenter

Because you are daring and free!

“Passionate Kisses” by Lucinda Williams

Because you deserve all the riches of the world!

“You Belong With Me” by Taylor Swift

Because no one understands the person like you do!

When You Find Yourself Thinking: Where Are You Going? I Want to Go Too!

“Any Place” by Joan Armatrading

“Hello Take Me Anywhere” by Night Shop

The world changes when you have a crush. Suddenly you want to be where the person is no matter where that may be: London, Paris, New York, Rome — even Death Valley! Whatever! These entries all double as good road trip songs. Which is convenient, because the next category is...

When You Can’t Stand the Tension One Second Longer

“I Drove all Night” by Cyndi Lauper

“Shut Up Kiss Me” by Angel Olsen

“Beside You” by Iggy Pop

“Into My Arms” by The Lemonheads

“Get Outta My Dreams, Get Into My Car” by Billy Ocean

“HOT TO GO!” by Chappell Roan

Keeping things in a nebulous zone is fine for a while, but at some point you feel called to get in front of the person physically, to hold them in your arms, kiss them, and tell them how you feel. You probably should have called first, sure! But the city is sticky, the night is cold and dark, and you’ve been dreaming long enough. Enough is enough; it’s time for them to get into your car already. Or, if you’ve had too much to drink, have someone else drive, like Chappell Roan does: “OK, it’s hot, I’ll call the cab!”

When You’re Like, Uh-Oh, This Might Actually Be a Problem

“Now I’m in It” by HAIM

By this point, you are past any control over the situation (or yourself). This is the stage at which you “can’t pretend that it makes sense.” It’s about to end, one way or the other, either because you are going to wind up with this person — or because it’s going to blow up in your face. Fortunately, there are songs for either scenario.

When a Crush Ends and You Don’t See Them Anymore…

“Best Thing I Never Had” by Beyoncé

….And you realize you dodged a bullet: “Thank God you blew it.” Crushes can make a person crazy. When you’re on the other side of it, you might shake your head and say, as Beyoncé does, “I must’ve been out of my mind.”

“I Don’t Want to Get Over You” by the Magnetic Fields

…And you’re not ready to let go. There are ways to get over a crush, tried-and-true methods — self-medication, sleep, distraction. But sometimes you don’t want to get over it. You want to dwell. I like both the original and the Mary Lou Lord cover.

“New Madrid” by Wilco

…And you’re wistful. I’ve read a theory somewhere that this song is about someone in a small town getting a crush on a seismologist or newscaster who came to the town to cover an earthquake, and that’s why the small-town person is hoping for another disaster — so the big-city person will come back and then they can take a walk to the fountain again.

When a Crush Ends Because It Becomes a Real Relationship

“I Like the Way This Is Going” by Eels

“Right Back to It” by Waxahatchee (featuring MJ Lenderman)

The Eels song is such a hopeful, still-crushed-out love song about how once you actually land your crush, every mundane part of your day becomes infused with magic. “Right Back to It” is from the dud-free recent album Tigers Blood (named for a flavor of snow cone). A crush turns into a relationship and still the raw, hopeful feelings of the crush keep coming back over and over again. This is the kind of relationship, Katie Crutchfield sings, that’s “like a song with no end.”

New York Times-bestselling author Ada Calhoun is the author of Crush: A Novel (out Feb. 25), which you can preorder here, and the books Also a Poet, Why We Can’t Sleep, and St. Marks Is Dead.