The 9 Best Sex Positions For Being Dominated

If you’re used to taking control during sex, it might be fun to switch things up on occasion and try out a few submissive positions, just to see how it feels. It’s exciting to play around with the power dynamic of dominance and submission — not to mention, there’s something so hot about lying back while your partner takes full control.

“Submission can allow freedom because in handing over control, you can stay focused on receiving and the stress of decision-making is gone,” Dr. Lori Beth Bisbey, a clinical psychologist and sex and intimacy coach, tells Bustle. “Often, the submissive person receives lots of attention from the dominant person. Likewise, dominance has its own joys from getting to direct all the action to taking care of a partner in new and interesting ways.”

If you’re used to more traditional dynamics, fully giving into submission can feel fresh and new — something that’s perfect for couples who are looking to spice things up. “Getting out of your ordinary roles brings mystery back to the relationship,” Bisbey says, “which adds to the excitement.”

Before diving right in and trying out dominant sex positions, however, there are a few things you’ll need to discuss. First, it’ll be important to come up with a safe word or signal, says sex therapist Vanessa Marin. Since you’ll be bending yourself into positions that incorporate vulnerability — including ones that might make it difficult to communicate — this word or signal will let your partner know when it’s time to ease up or stop.

You’ll also want to get detailed consent before proceeding, Bisbey says. Talk about what’s OK and what isn’t and make sure you and your partner agree. But once that’s said, feel free to go forth and enjoy. Below are nine expert-approved positions for being dominated that’ll be a great place to start.

1. Doggy Style

How To Do It: Get on your hands and knees, either on a bed, couch, or on the floor. Have your partner with a penis or strap-on penetrate you from behind. You can stay still and let your partner have full control of the movement. They can also hold onto your hips for leverage, or even pull your body back to meet theirs.

Why It’s Hot: “In this position, control rests with the dominant person to pace the action,” Bisbey says. “For the submissive, because your partner is behind you rather than face-to-face, the feeling is more impersonal, more primal.”

How To Up The Domination Factor: Put a pillow under your stomach to lift your butt higher for easier access. “Adding props like pillows can feel objectifying,” Bisbey says, “which increases the feeling of submission.”

2. Lowered Dog

How To Do It: From regular doggy style, lower yourself down onto your elbows. You can go face down into a pillow or turn your head to the side. This position works just as well with a strap-on or you can incorporate a toy for extra pleasure.

Why It’s Hot: You get all of the intensity of doggy style, Marin says, with the added illicit thrill of being literally face down, ass up.

How To Up The Domination Factor: Your partner can hold you down by pushing on the back of your head. They can also rest their weight on your shoulders or pull your hands back behind you, so that you feel completely under their control.

3. The V

How To Do It: Start off in missionary position. Have your partner sit back on their heels while you lift your legs up and place your heels on their shoulders. You can cross your legs, if that feels right, placing your left heel on their right shoulder and right heels on their left shoulder.

They should then lean forward, resting their weight on their hands. Your legs will get pushed back towards your head, and from there your partner can enter you with their penis or strap-on. If that feels like too much of a strain on your legs, you can take them off their shoulders and hold them up in the air.

Why It’s Hot: Since this position requires a lot of flexibility, it can be physically straining and vulnerable for you, especially since you’re at your partner's mercy to not bend you back too far. You’ll really feel pinned down and powerless.

How To Up The Domination Factor: Have your partner hold your hands above your head for even more intensity. Or, try bringing your legs into a cannonball position, Marin says, so your partner's body can move even closer to yours.

4. Doggy Blowjob

How To Do It: Doggy style doesn’t have to be limited to intercourse, Marin says. Get on your hands and knees and have your partner kneel in front of you. Then, proceed with oral sex.

Why It’s Hot: You’re on your hands and knees, which always feels subservient. You also don’t have much control, since you’re resting your weight on your hands and knees. They’ll get to control the pace.

How To Up The Domination Factor: Have your partner hold onto the back of your head. They can hold you in place or pull you against their genitals (just make sure to have some sort of safe symbol you can use to show them if it’s too intense).

5. Handcuffs

How To Do It: You’ll need a surface that’s waist-high for this position, like a table or a high bed. Stand up and drape the top half of your body over the surface. Have your partner enter you with their penis or strap-on from behind. They can grab your arms and hold them behind your back, like they're about to put handcuffs on you.

Why It’s Hot: You’re totally at your partner's mercy in this one, since they've got you pinned between their body and the table and have control over your arms. You also get that subservient feeling of being face down.

How To Up The Domination Factor: Any and all sex positions from behind are a great for anal play or spanking. You could also literally add a pair of handcuffs or have your hands tied in a rope or scarf, if you both talk about it beforehand.

“Any position where you are restrained increases feelings of submission,” Bisbey says. “If you are working with restraints or ties, please do research so that you can do it safely.”

6. Face-Down Doggy

How To Do It: For yet another variation of doggy style, start off in the classic position then lower down flat onto your stomach. Have your partner follow suit so that they're lying down on your back. They can also prop themselves up on their hands or elbows, or sit up a bit to change the angle.

Why It’s Fun: This position is fantastic for feeling truly enveloped. You’ll face down again and at their mercy. It’s also one that allows for extra-deep penetration.

How To Up The Domination Factor: Your partner can bite your neck, ears, or along your shoulders. They can scratch your back or pull your hair. Or they can hold your hands behind your back, pin them up above your head — the options are endless.

7. The Spanking

How To Do It: “The spanking position is similar to doggy style but the penetrating partner needs to be standing up,” Tatyana Dyachenko, B.Sc., a relationship expert and sex therapist with Peaches and Screams, tells Bustle. “The partner that is going to be penetrated gets on all fours and then lifts their legs up so their partner can grab hold of them. The penetrating partner then enters them from behind and uses their partner's legs to aid the thrusting.”

Why It’s Hot: “The partner on the bottom has to give up complete control to the standing partner in this position,” Dyachenko says.

How To Up The Domination Factor: Keep the submissive mindset to really play into the power dynamics. As Dyachenko says, “Some common roles include pet, property, little, and masochist. The aim of a [submissive partner] is to serve [the dominant partner] so you must ‘give up’ your own preferences and freedoms.”

8. Missionary

How To Do It: You’re probably already familiar with missionary — you lay on your back, your partner lays on top of you, in between your legs.

Why It’s Hot: Even sweet ol’ missionary can be down and dirty. Your partner's totally covering you with their body, they've got you pinned down, and they're in charge. This position is also great if your partner is wearing a strap-on or if you want to incorporate a toy for extra stimulation.

How To Up The Domination Factor: Missionary is wonderful because there are so many ways to make it more intense. Your partner can get right in your face and talk dirty to you. They can pin your hands above your head. They can bite your lips, ears, or nipples. They can gently place their hand over your throat (just make sure not to put any pressure on the front of your throat).

9. The Spreader

How To Do It: Lie on your back and get started in missionary. Have your partner sit up on their heels again. Put your legs in the air and have them grab onto one ankle with each hand. They should pull your legs away from each other as they enter you with a penis or strap-on.

Why It’s Hot: They're literally spreading you apart in this position. Your most intimate bits will be totally on display, which can be insanely hot.

How To Up The Domination Factor: Your partner can slow what they're doing and just stare at your body as they slide in and out of you. Being watched like this can make you feel really vulnerable.

Sources:

Vanessa Marin, sex therapist

Dr. Lori Beth Bisbey, clinical psychologist and sex and intimacy coach

Tatyana Dyachenko, B.Sc., relationship expert and sex therapist