If you've ever stubbed your toe and subsequently shot out a string of expletives, you undoubtedly understand the profound calming effect of swearing. Those of us who love to swear in general have been, well, swearing by curse words forever. And happily, the H*nest Meditation app is here to help amplify our zen by incorporating a slew of our favorite four-letter words. The app — which offers mindfulness via profanity-laced guided meditation at your choice of 2-, 5-, 10-, and 15-minute intervals — comes by way of Jason Headley, the genius behind the obscenely (see what I did there?) funny "F*ck That: An Honest Meditation." Suffice it to say, you're gonna effing love it.
As someone who loves swearing so much that I often forget when it is or isn't socially acceptable, the H*nest Meditation app is essentially my love language. Learning about "Rage Yoga" a few weeks ago got me super pumped, but I was let down when I discovered that classes aren't offered anywhere near me. I mean, I love meditating. I love swearing. It's not altogether surprising that I REALLY love meditation with swearing. If you're unfamiliar with Headley's video which the app is based on, go forth and watch now, my friends. The fact that it starts by instructing "let the horsesh*t of the external world fade from your awareness" makes me want to tell Headley he had me at hello.
But there is one caveat: The app is currently only available for iOS. Well, sh*t. I KNOW. Don't fret just yet, my pets. Headley does have plans to share the expletive-filled love with Android users.
Until that glorious time, though, at least we have the "F*ck That" vid to play on loop. I've already listened to it twice this morning, and it's quite possible that doing so saved the lives of several dillholes. Plus, Headley also has a book by the same name that will be available come April 12 through Amazon. But if you're currently trying to figure out a way to get through the work day without pulling an Office Space, here are a few choice quotes to keep you going ('cause this stuff is obviously NSFW).
1. "If you find your mind wandering to other thoughts, don't let it concern you. Just acknowledge that all that sh*t is f*cking b*llsh*t."
2. "Allow your breathing to discover its own natural, unhurried pace. If your thoughts drift to the three-ring sh*tshow of your life, bring your attention back to your breathing."
3. "With each breath, feel your body saying, 'F*ck that.'"
4. "Take a moment to appreciate the silence — those assholes can't piss all over a purity like this."
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