Kaitlyn Bristowe & Shawn Booth Are Trying Too Hard

Everyone knows The Bachelorette's Kaitlyn Bristowe and Shawn Booth are madly, hopelessly in love and that they're going to get married, have a lot of little kiddies, and live together forever. Only, maybe they haven't convinced every person on Earth because there is still quite a bit of gossip out there about their romance — including rumors that they can't agree on anything, from where they plan on living to whether they want to serve chicken or fish at their wedding. Rather than ignore the cruel, heartless press, which is what they should be doing, Bristowe and Booth seem intent on proving skeptics wrong by supplying the universe with a running record of their every kiss, fun excursion, and moment they've spent embracing one another's naked flesh.

To the untrained eye, it might seem like they're so in awe of each other and their everlasting love that there isn't a second of their day spent not touching. Any selfie or professional photograph that captures them together would then naturally have to show them in a state of rapture because they can't even eat a sandwich without reciting poetry to one another over hunks of bread.

Since they're only human and that's probably not the reality, I'm going to throw out another theory: They aren't secure enough in their relationship to exist outside of social media. They need the world to acknowledge and accept their union because they, themselves, aren't sure they're going to make it.

And, oh, I can get even darker: What if their many lovey-dovey photos are posted in the hopes that they will continue to spark interest in their relationship so that they can secure another reality TV deal or additional promotional opportunities?

Hey, they're just theories.

One thing is certain: Bristowe and Booth are attempting to prove their love. But in my opinion, they're trying way too hard.

1. They're Naked In Bed Together

Guys, everyone already thinks you have sex. Personally, I hope you have mind-blowing, we-just-started-dating-and-shouldn't-get-married-yet sex. Now I get to find out you drank alcohol last night. And that you sleep naked. Again, these are all things I imagined you do, but I never needed photographic evidence.

2. They're Clothed In Bed Together

I admit, this is a funny photo to post after the last one, but I can't help but wonder why these gorgeous people aren't getting dressed and going out for lunch or to register for China. They are tied to their cameras and to documenting their existence.

3. He Has Seen Her At "Her Worst"

I'm lying. The fact that Bristowe is wearing a white face mask that makes her look like a hot vampire instead of her ordinary hot self proves nothing about the strength of their relationship. Given the look on Booth's face, the message here is clear: Honey, I'll love you no matter how beautiful you look doing something that I should pretend makes you look bad. Oh, and minus 10 points for subtly promoting a product.

4. He Pretends To Give Her Gifts

I have no doubt the "FabFitFun" box is a box of awesome, but kindly put the brakes on using your love story to promote products. By all means, make a killing using your fame, but just straight-up say, "Hi, I'm Shawn Booth and I think this product rocks." As for his cute caption, I'd promise not to tell Kaitlyn, but I'm pretty sure they're all over each other's IG and Twitter pages, so oopsie.

5. They Nearly Start A Fire

Shawn: I just so happen to be shirtless and leafing through a men's magazine while sipping a fine red.

Kaitlyn: Let me just light one or no, make that FOUR candles to get us in the mood.

In reality, if you light four candles, each of which boasts a different fragrance, you will pass out from all the sandalwood, tuberose, and vanilla.

6. They Have His-And-Hers Coffee Mugs

These mugs are pretty effing cute, and I love me a couple who shares coffee in the morning, but that's not the issue here. Look closer: skin. If these two own two shirts between them, I'd consider it a miracle.

7. They Recreate Scenes From Dirty Dancing

Just stop it. Who does this without first drinking copious amounts of alcohol? Seriously, anyone? And what I mean by that is: Who can do this without falling on their faces?

In conclusion, I want Bristowe and Booth to succeed. I want them to have crazy, soulful sex and light thousands of candles in their hotel room and embrace each other's we-can-never-be-ugly sides. But it would be great if they could balance things out with a photo or two of them in mid-fight or rolling their eyes at each other while they sit with a wedding planner. That would be proof of love.