“Cobwebbing” Might Be The Secret To Getting Over A Breakup

Nothing can ruin a day quite like being reminded of your ex. It might happen when you stumble upon old photos on your phone or see their favorite T-shirt balled up in the back of your closet. Just like that, all the memories from your relationship come flooding back — and it can be quite spooky.

This is why a cleaning spree after a breakup is so important. Instead of hanging onto old pictures, gifts, or clothes that trigger memories, experts recommend deleting, donating, and ditching anything that might stir up big emotions. The practice even has a fun name: cobwebbing.

Cobwebbing, a term coined by the dating app Bumble, encourages you to clear out any reminders of your ex so you can fully and officially move on. “The imagery of dusting away webs is fitting because, just like cobwebs in a forgotten room, old relationships can leave an emotional residue,” says Sandra Kushnir, LMFT, a therapist and founder and CEO of Meridian Counseling.

If you’re struggling to move on from an ex or feel like their memory is haunting your every move, cobwebbing might be the next best step in your breakup journey. Below, a therapist explains the importance of this process, including when to do it.

What To Know About Cobwebbing

Going through a breakup is never easy. If you’re exiting a toxic relationship, you likely have a ton of baggage and emotions to process. If you were left unexpectedly by a long-term love, you might feel unimaginably sad and lost. But even if you and your partner broke up on good terms, it can still be tough to move on — and that’s where cobwebbing comes in. According to Kushnir, this process has three main benefits.

Emotional Closure

While it might not feel like a big deal to keep pictures or texts from your ex, these things have a way of hanging out in the background of your life — just like cobwebs — and it really could be what’s keeping you stuck in the past.

“These remnants can block new growth, [but] clearing them allows for a fresh start both mentally and emotionally,” says Kushnir. There’s nothing quite like tapping that delete button on a vacation photo to prove you’re so over it.

Space For Growth

By removing reminders — like your ex’s hoodie or a necklace they gave you as a gift — you’re saying you’re ready to start a fresh chapter. “Removing physical clutter can help you create emotional and mental space for new experiences, relationships, and self-discovery,” she says.

Gets Rid Of Triggers

If you’re having one of your first happy moments after a breakup, the last thing you’ll want is to accidentally see an old missed call from your ex on your phone. Similarly, if you’re working through stressful experiences in therapy, it won’t help to come home to an apartment full of memories and mementos.

That’s why you might also want to delete emails, throw out notes, hide or remove couple's photos on your social media, and even reorganize your space to feel fresh and new. Think of moving your bed to the other side of the room, buying new plates, sheets, or towels, or even getting a new perfume or haircut.

When To Dust Away Those Cobwebs

Sometimes a breakup will immediately inspire you to remove everything your ex ever touched. It often feels good to throw their stuff in the trash dramatically — or even cinematically burn a love letter. Other times, it’s much harder to let go of special items, especially if you’re heartbroken or still in the “we might get back together” stage. That’s why it’s OK to go at your own pace when cobwebbing. You could clean a few days after a breakup, a few weeks, or even a year after the split.

Is It OK To Hold Onto Some Memories?

In certain circumstances, Kushnir says you can keep a few things from an old relationship, like a picture of you and your high school sweetheart at prom, a Valentine’s Day card from your first boyfriend, or a book from an ex who is now your best friend. As long as it isn’t emotionally charged, it’s OK to keep.

Cobwebbing is reserved for items that make you feel sad or stressed, not the things you value from your past. In general, though, cobwebbing is one of the best — and often most overlooked — steps in moving on, according to Kushnir.

“It serves as a physical act of reclaiming your space and your emotional energy, often inspiring a sense of freedom and clarity,” she says. “This trend highlights the value of intentional self-care and boundary-setting after a breakup.”

Source:

Sandra Kushnir, LMFT, therapist, founder, CEO of Meridian Counseling