Pink Flags Could Be The Most Underrated Relationship Dealbreaker

Red flags are often easy to spot on a first date. For example, it’s a total red flag if your match shows up 30 minutes late, makes a rude remark to the server, trash-talks their ex, or stares at their phone instead of holding a conversation. Pink flags, on the other hand, aren’t always so glaringly obvious — but that doesn’t make them OK.

Unlike a red flag, which is a sign someone may be toxic or not worth your time, a pink flag is more like a sign to proceed with caution. “These are often warning signs that something isn't quite sitting right with you,” says licensed therapist Jillian Amodio, LMSW. Also sometimes referred to as yellow flags, pink flags might come in the form of a comment, habit, or vibe that feels weird and thus requires a closer look.

Creator @vvictoria.sou shared a few examples of pink flags on TikTok, where the topic has over 61 million posts. If your date has a few pink flags, they might excessively make negative comments, crack sarcastic jokes, or teasingly embarrass you in front of others. It might be tough to identify these moments as pink flags, especially if your date swears they’re only having fun, but it might not bode well for the future of your relationship.

Another pink flag, according to creator @raquelolsson, is if your date constantly comments on your appearance, if they take a while to text back, or if they expect you to read their mind instead of talking about their feelings. It could just be a misunderstanding or something they’ll brush off with an apology, but these issues could also turn into full-blown red flags. Here’s what to know.

How To Spot A Pink Flag

Pink flags are tough to see, and that’s because they’re not always super serious. Some pink flags may even seem positive at first, like when someone wants to spend all their time with you. “This may seem sweet but can hint at things like jealousy, control, possessiveness, or insecurity,” says Amodio.

Secrecy or vagueness can also be easily confused with a cool, aloof personality, but in reality, it often points to issues with vulnerability or commitment. Excessive gift-giving is another tricky one. “This seems nice on the surface, and sometimes it is genuine, but love and respect go deeper than tangible items, and sometimes this can be a sign of love bombing to come,” she says.

To make matters even more difficult, pink flags also aren’t universal. A pink flag for you might not be a pink flag for a friend, like when a date talks about their ex for an hour. You might immediately get the ick while your friend views it as a perfectly natural topic of conversation.

The best way to spot pink flags is by focusing on how they make you feel. Pink flags may be the lighter, less offensive version of red flags, but that doesn’t mean they won’t have an impact. They might instill a seed of doubt about your date’s commitment level or truthfulness. They might make you feel like you don’t have anything in common. And they might also have you wondering if you share the same values. Listen to those concerns.

What Happens If You Ignore Pink Flags?

When you ignore pink flags, Amodio says you risk wasting your time with someone who isn’t a good match or worse — ending up in a less-than-ideal relationship. If you go on a date with someone who’s perfectly kind and caring but lives like a slob, you have to consider how you’d feel if they were never willing or able to change.

“Pink flags are sometimes just a matter of personal preference where you have to weigh pros and cons and decide if it is something you can let go of or gently accept,” she says. But in other cases, pink flags can also turn into red flags.

Amodio compares pink flags to simmering coals that could be stoked to a red, hot ember at any moment, so you’ll want to make sure you’re 100% OK with them before going further in a relationship.

How To Deal With Pink Flags

If think you’ve spotted a pink flag in your relationship, the best thing you can do is address it head-on. “When we are able to have open and honest conversations about these warning signs, we can either work through them to develop relationships that are stronger, healthier, and more balanced — or we can gain the deeper insight we need to know that this isn't a situation we should pursue further,” says Amodio.

For example, if you share with your date that you don’t want to be the target of their jokes, then they should be willing to apologize and stop. If that pink flag is more of a red flag, they may belittle you or continue to push your boundaries, and they won’t change in the future. Cue the red flags flying.

If the pink flag is seemingly benign but also a total turnoff, that’s OK too. A habit, comment, or personality trait doesn’t have to be completely egregious for you to lose interest in someone, break up, or say no to a second date. The best thing you can do in these situations? “Be honest with yourself,” says Amodio.

Think about what’s bothering you about this pink flag and why. If you can talk about it, compromise, and sort it out, you might become stronger as a couple. If not, it doesn’t matter what color the flag is. It’s more than OK to go.

Source:

Jillian Amodio, LMSW, licensed therapist