The Surprising Reasons You're Dreaming About Sex

As Dr. Clare Johnson, lucid dream researcher and author of Llewellyn's Complete Book of Lucid Dreaming, and Dream Therapy, tells Bustle, "Dreams provide us with an excellent arena for expressing ourselves and our unconscious desires. A sexual dream may be a metaphor for new energy we feel rising in some area of our life, such as an urge to change jobs, embark on a voyage, or simply take up a new hobby."

A perfect example of such a change that would induce sex dreams is marriage. Because marriage is such a commitment and such a huge change in someone's life, it's processed in more than a few ways and one such way, for some, are sex dreams.

Although sex dreams aren't necessarily about sex, Dr. Johnson points out that a lack of sex in one's waking life could lead to sexual dreams. The reason for this is to "satisfy physical impulses." In other words, your brain knows when your body needs a sexual release.

In some cases, sex dreams may be due to your imagination. "A person may have a sexual dream due to their blossoming creativity, or their desire to expand into a new area in their life," says Dr. Johnson.

It's no secret that sex and creativity are linked. So it shouldn't be totally surprising that a sex dream might be inspired by new creativity or even the urge to be more creative.

Well, of course! While any dream expert will attest to the fact that sex dreams don't always equate to sex, if you're attracted to someone in your waking life, they're bound to sneak into your dreams at some point. And, if you're lucky, into a sex dream to boot.

"Just as people have erotic fantasies about a particular person (or type of person)," says Dr. Johnson, "so we may have sexual dreams in response to a person to whom we feel attracted."

Wondering why you keep having sex dreams about the same person? "When we dream of sex with a particular person, this doesn't necessarily mean we have a crush on them," says Dr. Johnson. "When we unwrap the dream and explore our associations to it, we may find that the person in our dream has certain qualities we would love to have, such as confidence or a sense of adventure. Sexual dreams can point us towards ourselves and what we need at this point in our lives."

Basically, if you keep having sex dreams about the same person, whether it’s your best friend, co-worker, or boss it doesn't mean you want to have sex with them necessarily. It might just mean that you think there's something amazing about them.

There are some dreams that can be caused by an insecurity in some part of your life. For example, according to Lauri Quinn Loewenberg, a professional dream analyst and author of the book Dream On It: Unlock Your Dreams, Change Your Life, if you’re having a sex dream where your partner is cheating on you, this may mean that you’re feeling insecure in your relationship. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you have a sixth sense and your partner is cheating, but it may be your brain’s way of telling you that you need to initiate a conversation.

Alternatively, if you’re dreaming that you’re not performing well in the bedroom, it can point to insecurities in another part of your life. "If a man dreams about having erectile dysfunction, it may reflect that he is feeling weak or powerless in another area of his life at the time of the dream... not necessarily a literal reflection of his sexual performance," Dr. Nancy Irwin, PsyD, CHt, a licensed clinical psychologist, previously told Bustle.

Dreams involving doing the dirty with someone else can actually point towards feelings of self-love or self-acceptance. For example, if you’re having a gay sex dream, even though you identify as straight, this may “represent a union with aspects of yourself. It is symbolic of self-love, self-acceptance, and compassion” according to the “definitive” dream interpretation site Dream Moods.

And of course, if in your dream you’re putting the moves on yourself, that may mean you’re on the ultimate journey to loving yourself. It “represents self-acceptance, as well as self-love. You need to accept and love who you are, even your flaws and shortcomings.”

Because sex dreams can be caused by something that may have nothing to do with sex, just go with it and enjoy them. And, if you're lucky, you might experience an orgasm too — yes, orgasms while sleeping happen and they are wonderful.