TikTok's “10 Date Rule" Could Help You Find The One

The world of dating is full of extremes. On the one hand, you might fall in love on your first date and immediately start spending all of your time together. On the other, a single ick could turn you off — and just like that, you’ll vow never to see each other again.

TikTok’s “10 date rule” aims to solve this problem by suggesting you try to have a few more meet-ups before making any swift decisions. “It refers to the idea that in order to figure out if you really like someone and want to commit to dating them, you should go on 10 dates with them first,” says Katie Dissanayake, a dating and relationship expert and founder and CEO of the anti-ghosting app After.

Here’s the rationale: When you first meet someone you may have on “honeymoon goggles” that cloud your judgment, she tells Bustle, and it might make you commit too soon — often before you can see red (or pink) flags. This might happen if they’re super hot, if they are particularly suave, or if you have a winner of a first date.

The 10 date rule helps you distinguish compatibility from infatuation, she says, as it also helps you slow down and get to know each other before making any rash decisions. This is perfect for people who tend to rush into relationships too quickly, but it isn’t the only benefit. Here’s what to know about the 10 date rule.

Seriously, Go On 10 Dates

If you’re someone who tends to go on a new first date every week, then it might sound like overkill to go on 10 whole dates with just one person. And yet, if you’re truly looking for a solid match or a loving long-term partner, then 10 really might be the magic number.

For starters, the 10 date rule helps stop you from jumping into relationships too quickly. “This approach can help you pace yourself and evaluate what you genuinely like about someone,” says Dissanayake. Going on a fourth, fifth, or 10th date allows you time to test your compatibility before you get too attached, which is a pitfall that can quickly lead to a sticky situationship.

This rule also allows you to spot red flags that might make a long-lasting relationship impossible. By the 10th date, you should feel more confident about who your date is as a person and whether or not you’d make a solid match.

“On the flip side, if you tend to overanalyze or stress about defining the relationship too soon, this structure might ease that anxiety by allowing a natural connection to develop before you feel the pressure to label it,” says Dissanayake. This is also helpful if you have a hard time committing, even when you really want to.

The 10 date rule reminds you that there’s no need to decide if you like someone on the first date. If you get the ick easily, this tactic could even help you push through your urge to give up too soon as it allows you time to to give someone a second chance.

Does Everyone Deserve 10 Dates?

The short answer is no, not everyone deserves 10 chances. The 10 date rule doesn’t apply to bad first dates or toxic matches you can tell are wrong from the jump. If you go out with someone who’s mean to the server or who belittles your career, then you can part ways and never look back. There’s no need to force yourself to go on more dates just to “see if things change.”

“Like every other dating rule, it comes down to your own preferences, habits, and needs — and it’s always going to be a case-by-case situation,” says Dissanayake. You’ll know someone is worth the 10 date rule if you have great chemistry but aren’t quite sure you align in other ways.

The same is true if your date is great on paper but you don’t feel an initial spark. It provides enough time for you to get more comfortable around each other, which is when your true personalities will start to shine. For people who fall in love with someone’s personality before feeling attracted, this is truly ideal.

“Taking it one date at a time will keep you from spiraling.”

“Taking it one date at a time will keep you from spiraling, projecting too much onto the other person, or turning dating into a big audition for The Love Of Your Life,” she says. And if this dating rule doesn’t work for you? That’s OK, too.

“Instead of counting dates, ask yourself: Was that fun? Did I feel respected, excited, happy? Do I want to see them again? Dating rules should provide structure and fresh perspectives — not limitations,” she says.

You can also bail out at any time if you learn something unsavory, you aren’t having fun, or you feel yourself losing interest. This is a fun guideline to follow if you’re serious about finding The One as it allows you to truly get to know someone better, but it isn’t set in stone.

Setting Up 10 Dates

Another important point? These 10 dates don’t have to all be fancy dinners or expensive trips to the bar. You could do a cute first date at a cafe, a second at a nice restaurant, a third at a museum, and for the fourth a walk through the park or a trip to the farmer’s market.

“To get a well-rounded sense of their personality, try mixing it up,” says Dissanayake. “Seeing them in different settings can reveal new sides of their character and how they handle different experiences.” The idea is to get to know each other better. And who knows? You might just fall in love.

Source:

Katie Dissanayake, dating and relationships expert, founder and CEO of the anti-ghosting dating app After