How To Make Small Talk When You Haven’t Seen Anyone In A Year

Levy recommends leaning into that awkwardness you’re feeling. He suggests saying, “‘Hey, I have not been around another human being in a year. So I'm feeling incredibly awkward and don't know how to behave right now.’” People tend to respond to something like this by saying ‘Oh my god, me too!’ he says.

To start a conversation, experts say, don’t immediately dive into a long story; ask questions. You can go for the general approach — ‘So, what have you been up to?’ — or something more specific — ‘What’s the one episode of TV that’s got you through quarantine?’ That immediately engages the other person and gives them a guide to bouncing something back.

Compliments are the heavy hitters of casual conversation. They’re also a good avenue to a longer chat: asking somebody where they got their earrings, or a cool tattoo, makes them feel valued and also gives them an easy response.

The Atlantic says that post-vaccine chat is the new trend in small talk. Lean into it; after all, it’s an experience you’ll all have in common. What did you do to solve your side effects? Was somebody in your vaccine line really impolite? Bond over the wonders of modern medicine.

Levy suggests finding out if you have a shared activity. He’s observed that people bond quickly over shared experiences, so he invented a Get To Know You Bingo game where participants figure out their common points — whether they’ve broken the same bones, have the same number of kids, even want the same exotic animal as a pet.

If they did something during quarantine that helped you, or you just felt that their Instagram posts were pure fire, tell them and thank them. Gratitude is a good way to enter into a conversation.

One of the best strategies for small talk is to ask for advice, Akash Karia, author of Small Talk Hacks, told VICE in March 2021. “I’ve been looking for XYZ — do you have any suggestions?” is a compliment in a category of its own, because it shows that you respect their judgement and want their input.

Hit two birds with one stone. ‘What’s your best tip on figuring out small talk these days?’ is a neat way to combine two things: asking for advice and acknowledging that Social Time Is Mega Difficult Right Now.

Everybody’s got ‘em — whether it’s finally going to Paris once the COVID pandemic eases, or just seeing their newborn niece for the first time. This risks running into sad territory, so be prepared if people start telling you about the things they’ve missed.

If you don’t know your conversation partner at all, talk about things in your shared space, Gillian Sandstrom, a senior lecturer in psychology at the University of Essex, advised the Washington Post. See a dog? A puzzle? Hikers? Draw attention to them.

Finding it hard to draw on anything useful to connect with someone? Levy suggests using something called “the pratfall effect.”

“People who are gentle, bumbling fools — that is actually what makes them appealing,” he says. “When you drop papers or spill coffee, you’re rated as more likable.” Self-deprecate about your silliest moment — did you walk into a pole at the vaccination clinic? — and you’ll seem charming and open.

Levy says a really good way to start conversations uses something called “the Ikea effect”. “We disproportionately care about our Ikea furniture because we had to assemble it, so we need to find shared activities that require joint effort.” If you’re playing a game on the same team, preparing a meal, or doing any kind of joint activity that involves working together, you can bond rapidly.

Everybody has gone through a tough 12 months, experts tell Bustle, so it’s good to keep things really light on your first social encounter. ‘What’s a thing that’s making you really happy lately?’ is a good start. Have your own answer ready, even if it’s just ‘looking at art restoration videos online’.

If you don’t know what to do at a party, do what your mother always told you: find somebody doing something, and offer to help. It’s an activity you can share together, plus you can chat about what you’re doing as a natural introduction to conversation.

If you’re really running dry and worry about standing there gaping, have a list handy of things you’d like to chat about. Maybe you’ve got really into old movies, or want to know about which podcast you should listen to, or are collecting old family recipes. There’s no shame in prepping before social time to make sure you feel comfortable.