Yes, Your Partner Could Be Hurting Your Mental Health

“If your mental health isn’t in the right place, it doesn’t mean you need to break out of your relationship, but you should get help,” says therapist MoAndra Johnson, who specializes in relationship conflict. If you are experiencing depression, consult a professional, she says.

It’s possible that your partner is contributing to your depression, as people in unhealthy relationships are more likely to show symptoms of depression, according to a 2014 study in the Journal of Family Psychology. And at their worst, toxic or abusive relationships can lead to suicide ideation, according to a 2016 study in the Journal of Affective Disorders.

A 2001 review in Psychological Bulletin found that relationships have "direct influences on cardiovascular, endocrine, immune, neurosensory, and other physiological mechanisms." There's a real connection between mental and physical health, adds Parker, so an unhealthy relationship can cause headaches, insomnia, or muscle pain just as easily as it can cause anxiety or depression. Listen to your body and take care of it mentally and physically.

As long as you can communicate your mental-health struggles with your partner, a period of difficulty doesn't have to signal the relationship’s end. “They could be doing something that’s genuinely not intentional,” Johnson says. “Let them know what you believe is hurting your mental health, and pay attention to their response. It will show if they’re supportive or not.”

It could feel uncomfortable, but you owe it to your partner to try to talk about it, Ryan adds. “In a relationship that’s solid, you can show up and present the good, the bad, the ugly, and work through those things together,” she says. If you’re unable to do this, it could signal irreparable damage, or if you advocate for yourself and get a negative response, you have your answer: Your relationship is likely taking a toll on your mental well-being.

Do you experience a sense of relief when your partner has left and you’re on your own? A feeling of relief could indicate that your partner is causing you stress, says Parker, especially if it's accompanied by "a sense of weight and physical tension in the partner's presence."

“If you’re focused on how they perceive you and how attractive you are to them, and less on your needs and whether you’re actualizing them, that is a big red flag,” Ryan says. “You’re letting something happen to you rather than taking control of what you deserve.”

According to Parker, this could be a sign that your partner is responsible for your decreased self-esteem, whether in a subtle way, like ignoring or gaslighting you, or more overt, like insulting you.

"If a partner isn't having a positive impact on your emotional well-being, your mind will be more likely to show you the exit door," Parker says. In some abusive relationships, people may like they can't leave for emotional, physical, or financial reasons. But if you’re fantasizing about leaving your partner, trust that instinct.

"Although many stressors in life can undermine emotional health, the possible role of relationships should not be dismissed," Parker says. "If a romantic relationship is having a negative impact on your psychological well-being, it’s vital to turn attention to that." Take an honest look at the roots of your mental-health problems. If your partner is the source of most of them, the relationship is likely doing more harm than good.