For Oloni, Masturbation Is Meditation

It should comes as no surprise that Oloni’s wellness routine is centred exclusively on pleasure. “Masturbating is my form of meditation, my form of stress relief,” the UK’s reigning online sex and relationship guru tells me in her characteristically candid manner. “You know how some people have stress balls? I have stress toys. At the moment, I’m really into suction sex toys in particular,” she adds. “Anything could be happening – like I have anxiety, or even cramps, and I’ll masturbate to feel better.”

The sex and relationship educator and Twitter star is nothing if not open and honest. She is the living, breathing embodiment of her mission, which is all about empowering women to explore and express their “sensual, sexy selves.” Her debut book, The Big O: An Empowering Guide To Loving, Dating & F**king, is a natural next step. “I created the book because I wanted women to read it and realise that there’s nothing wrong with talking and educating yourself about sex. There’s so much about sex that we shy away from when we should be able to talk about it boldly.”

Talking and communication are key themes. “There's so much important communication that needs to take place during and even before intimacy. You need to be able to ask them when the last time they got tested without worrying you’re going to scare them off, or have conversations about contraception.” Ultimately, she rightly points out, communication makes sex “safer, enjoyable, and fun!”

Over Zoom, Oloni spilled the tea with me on her workout goals, her bedtime routine, and love of journaling. In her own famous works, “ladies, shall we have some fun?”

What’s your morning routine like?

I’ll be honest, I grab my phone and see what’s happening. I always feel like everything always happens when I’m asleep, so I need to check that the world isn’t burning! I brush my teeth, and then I sort through my emails so I’m back on the internet. I don’t always have breakfast either.

If you’ve posted a juicy twitter thread I can totally see why you would check Twitter first thing.

I need to make sure I haven't gone viral for the wrong reasons! I try to snap out of it, but I’m so used to it.

How do you unwind after a hectic day?

I’m a huge foodie, I need my food and a good show on Netflix. Also a cheeky spa trip with my sister, even though you’re not supposed to take your phones inside these places. And dinners, going to really cute restaurants.

What’s something you always put in a salad?

My salads are very basic, I mostly eat caesar salads. As long as there’s breadcrumbs in my caesar salad, I’m good!

Baths or saunas?

I can barely sit in a sauna. Usually,, I’m just in and out. I do prefer my baths!

What’s a wellness habit you want to start doing?

Everyone is getting into Pilates right now, but I don’t think I want to try it. Not because everyone’s doing it and I’m trying to be a rebel, but I really want to find the right exercise for me. I really want to try spinning next.

If you love being in a dark room, with music blaring, and someone shouting at you to keep going you will love it.

Yes, I need someone to bully me! And the cardio. People really underestimate walking but I really like it. My boyfriend does like 25,000 steps a day, these days I don't even hit 5,000 sometimes, so I really need to get back into it.

What do you need to have a good night’s sleep?

My number one tip, of course, is to masturbate! I know it will knock me straight out and it’s just the best. Also this might be bad, but I love to put on the radio or a TV show in the background, I just need to hear a voice sometimes, not sure if that’s normal... But I like a little bit of chatter as I nod off.

What’s the best wellness advice you’ve ever received?

I’ve always kept a journal, to be honest, but really detailing my mind's state and my goals has been so helpful. It is a way of checking in with myself and reflecting on how I’m feeling. Since 2018, I’ve been writing a letter to my future self, too. I start by congratulating myself on things that haven’t even happened yet, and talk about how the year has been and where I want to be. Then I read it a year later to see how far I’ve come.