Astrology Won't Fix Your Love Life

Before Jennifer Brody meets anyone for a date, she asks for their sun sign, just so she knows what she’s getting into. If the date goes well, she then requests the time and place of their birth, information she needs to do their full astrological chart, which provides insights into their communication style and values, among other things. And if it progresses even further, she’ll ask them to get on Co-Star, an app that compares charts and gives daily updates — as a backup, really, since she’s already checking their horoscope every day via her favorite astrologer, Susan Miller, anyway.

Brody, 45 and living in Joshua Tree, got divorced during the pandemic, and is part of the roaring chorus of people for whom, in a post-dating app world, finding love has felt harder than ever. There’s too many options, singles agree, and no clear path to romantic success. That’s where astrology comes in. “You're just kind of looking for a guiding compass,” Brody says.

Miller, founder of Astrology Zone, confirms it: These days, all clients want to talk about is dating. They’re feeling the effects of a chaotic world and are looking for their other half to help them through it. Astrologers are used to questions about love, but this notable influx is putting them in a unique position, because when asked about how much stock people should be putting in astrology when it comes to their dating life, Nadine Jane, astrologer and author of Magic Days, has a surprising answer: “Literally zero.”

While dating apps are black and white — swipe left, swipe right — astrology is not that simple. And yet, 31% of Americans aged 16 to 34 won’t date someone with an incompatible star sign, according to a survey published last month by academic platform eduBirdie.

“I found myself at first fixated on compatibility,” Amanda, a 31-year-old from New Jersey who regularly sees an astrologer, says of sifting through potential matches. “Astrology was one of those ways for me to make these sweeping generalizations about who you think you would be suited for.”

Jane discourages people from narrowing down their romantic prospects based on perceived cosmic red flags. “I've met clients where two charts could not be more tense, but they have the sickest, coolest relationship with each other that is so transcendent,” she says.

Are You Using Astrology Properly?

The relationship between dating and astrology is not unprecedented. The practice has been a part of different cultures since at least the 2nd millennium B.C.E., particularly in India, where it plays a large role in matchmaking: Someone’s Vedic sign is often included in their biodata, the documents that feature other physical and biographical information for the purpose of arranging marriages. But after Western astrology saw a resurgence in the 1960s, even the uninitiated are now at least somewhat aware of their sun sign. The enthusiasts, in turn, are welcoming it into their love lives — and sometimes regretting the results.

How do I flirt with a Capricorn? Should I date a Scorpio? How do I know if a Libra is sincerely interested in me? These are some of the questions being asked of today’s astrologers who, for the most part, don’t have those answers. “I think that is a really unconstructive way to use astrology,” Jane says. “There is just no such thing as, ‘This is the lock and key into what a person is going to be compatible with.’”

Part of this misunderstanding of astrology comes from a misunderstanding of love.

Amanda went to see her astrologer during an “interesting patch” at the beginning of her last relationship. “And she was like, ‘You know, I don't think this is gonna be the one.’” The astrologer gave them five years. They broke up after one. “It got into my head,” Amanda says. “And it gave me this weird time marker that I didn't want.”

The astrologers I spoke to are usually reluctant to give that kind of concrete diagnosis. “I've definitely done a few readings for people where they've brought charts and I'm like, ‘Stay away. This person is not good for you,’” says Natha Perkins, founder of Electra Astrology. “But also, I usually find that there's a lot to work on. If you guys can work on this element of your communication, then you can really improve the whole system.”

Part of this misunderstanding of astrology comes from a misunderstanding of love, the all-or-nothing thinking that two people are either compatible or they’re not. The truth is, astrologers say, there are infinite possibilities in between. The practice is a guidebook, not a textbook.

“I’ve seen some of the most compatible relationships end up falling apart because it was just too easy and they got lazy,” Kyle Thomas, resident astrologer at People and Good Morning America, echoes. “I’ve also seen people who are technically less compatible go the long haul because they were willing to consistently do the work of building the relationship as a team.”

Despite the nuance of astrology, its reputation can be unforgiving. One in eight young people has been broken up with due to their interest in the practice. This is part of the reason Brody likes to make her passion for astrology clear right off the bat. If her prospective partner reacts poorly, as they sometimes do, then she knows it is never going to work.

One man, who wishes to remain anonymous, says he dated an “astrology girl” in college, and “felt it was complete nonsense but went along with it anyways.” One time, she and her friend buried a piece of paper with his name on it in the sand, and then were unable to retrieve it. To her, he says, this meant he wasn’t the one, and they broke up shortly after. Now 37, he remains skeptical: “Dating an adult my age who was heavy into astrology, I’d be very worried about their cognitive abilities.”

The Stars Aren’t Totally Blind

When used thoughtfully, astrology’s basic tools — sun signs, rising signs, natal charts, transit charts — can demystify key aspects about someone’s temperament and communication style, and they are what Brody, a Leo, likes to turn to now that she’s in a relationship with a Capricorn. “If we're having challenges, but there are certain planetary influences going on, it can help me better navigate and understand.” It’s not their fault as a couple, she’ll remind herself, it’s the stars. “The only sign more stubborn than me is a Capricorn,” she says, laughing.

While some people still rely on misunderstandings of astrological compatibility, Jane says her most-asked love question is actually about the bigger picture. It’s the question people ask after another week of bad dates, another disappointing crop of dating app profiles, or another failed night trying to make conversation at a bar: Am I ever going to meet someone?

She can’t tell you exactly when you’re going to meet someone, but she can show you what to look out for when you do.

It’s a question Namrata asks her astrologer all the time — not for herself, but for her daughter, Isha. “I'm incredulous mainly because in the past they've said these things like, ‘Oh, Isha will marry very late, like at 27,’” Isha, who lives in Brooklyn, says on a joint phone call. “I'm nearly 29 now.”

But Namrata is not deterred. “I believe in astrology more than even science,” she says.

“She's an engineer,” Isha interjects with an implied eye roll.

Looking back, Amanda realized she had been using astrology “in the wrong way.” She latched onto her astrologer’s five-year prediction rather than the actual advice — to be more present with what was happening in real time. She now recognizes astrology isn’t so much a tool for understanding other people. It’s about understanding herself, and allows her to “frame things that are hard in a greater context of an energetic exchange.”

To use it any other way is a fool’s errand, though Jane still does her best to shepherd clients through romantic storms. She can’t tell you exactly when you’re going to meet someone, but she can show you what to look out for when you do. “Love, I think, is one of those cosmic, fated, inexplicable things that there's just no recipe for, unfortunately,” she says. “Maybe one day we'll advance enough to do it, but I just think love transcends the geometry of what astrology is.” In other words, the stars can only get your relationships so far. The rest is up to you.