Is My Intense Skin Care Routine Ruining My Sex Life?

When Christi goes to bed, she’s barely recognizable. Some nights, she wears bright pink undereye patches, a baby blue brow mask across her forehead, patches for her smile lines above and below her mouth, a chin strap Velcro’d to the crown of her head, and a silk bonnet protecting her hair. As for her husband on these nights?

“I’m high maintenance. He knows if it’s a night I’m doing [skin and hair care] to stay on his side of the bed,” she says. The chance of them having sex that night is zero.

Over the past few years, skin care has become more of a ceremonious endeavor for many thanks, in part, to TikTok. On the platform, people have multi-step processes, and creators proudly show off their intricate routines.

Trends like glazed doughnut skin (routines that focus on a moisturized, glow-y complexion) and the “morning shed” (which comes from the idea that “the uglier you go to sleep, the prettier you wake up”) persist on TikTok and beyond, so it’s no shock that skin care is one of the highest priorities for beauty girlies.

But does a serious commitment to skin care come at a cost to their sex lives? For women who take their nighttime routine seriously, their partners have had to learn when they can — and can’t — have face-to-face contact.

The Unsexy Side Of Skin Care

“When you go to bed… does your boyfriend KNOW he’s not getting lucky?” reads one comment with more than 4,000 likes on a morning shed tutorial. “Every time I watch one of these videos that’s all I can think [about],” someone else replied.

While semi-intrusive, it’s a fair curiosity. With the complexity of these viral routines, it seems an effective combination of serums, moisturizers, and masks would have to take priority over physical touch. Plus, when you add sticky products and obstructive additions like forehead masks or jaw straps, the mood might be killed before it starts.

“If I do my skin care, we’re not touching for the night,” says Morgan, 24, who has been with her boyfriend for four years. “I just know that one wrong move, and it’s game over.”

Some experts see her point. Esthetician Renée Rouleau, who has worked with Sabrina Carpenter and Demi Lovato, says there is merit to the idea that getting intimate after you’ve done your beauty regimen can decrease its effectiveness.

“All blemishes are related to bacteria being trapped in pores,” she says. “You’ll want to prevent any unnecessary bacteria transfer from hands to your face.” Extra sweat or contact with sheets that aren’t freshly washed should also be avoided, she advises.

While maintaining such hypervigilant boundaries might seem to suck the romance out of bedtime (please, not after the Rhode lip treatment!), many women have figured out how to keep their skin and sex lives in balance.

The Skin Care Convo Is The New DTR

Kayla, 30, wasn’t shy about her passion for skin care in the early stages of her relationship with her boyfriend. “After our first sleepover, I started bringing all my products over,” she says. “I was not going to let [my routine] waver just because I’d be spending three or four nights at his place.”

Now, nearly a year later, he’s hopped on the bandwagon with her. Over the summer, she made him do a sheet mask on a flight home to target his sunburn. “He is such a golden retriever, so he was definitely on board,” she says.

“If I am really trying to stabilize my skin since it’s been freaking out or I’m just having one of those months where my skin is going rogue,” she says, sex is off the table. “He doesn’t love that part.” But it doesn’t take any serious toll on their physical connection, she says. “Skin care to me is self-care, and nothing is too extra to the right person.”

The modern version of getting a dresser drawer at someone’s place is getting a skin care shelf in the medicine cabinet. The relationship deal has been sealed once you start bringing over different bottles and balms to use before bed — or buying a second set of everything. Forget about letting them see you without makeup on. Now, it’s about letting them see what happens after the makeup comes off.

Clear Skin & Clear Boundaries

Morgan was discreet about her skin care obsession at the beginning of her relationship. In college, she’d keep a makeup wipe in her going-out bag in case she ended up at his place. After graduation, they dated long distance, so he’d always show up fresh-faced for their visits to look extra nice. But it wasn’t until they moved in together about a year ago that she set clear boundaries that keep her skin clear, too.

After explaining that she has ultra-sensitive skin (she’s been on Accutane twice), she asked her boyfriend to stay clean-shaven as much as possible for the sake of her face. While working remotely, she says he let his stubble grow in more often than usual, which was a no-go for her. Scruff means hugs are off-limits, too. “Even if it’s just on my neck or my chest, it’s not good.”

A few gentle reminders later and it’s become second nature to him. Now he makes sure to shave for their romantic date nights or when she gets back from a trip, and he stays clean-cut on the regular so they can kiss without concern.

The slightest self-care game can impact even simple displays of affection. Amit, 26, says her boyfriend hates how lip products feel. “If he sees that I even have Vaseline on, he’ll give me the skimpiest kiss ever.” She has told him to get over it, and sometimes he’ll put his own preferences aside.

When before-bed habits become more complicated, the hot and heavy energy can fizzle. Christi says her husband isn’t even in the mood by the time she finishes her sometimes 20-step routine. “When I have that jaw strap on, at that point, he’s like, ‘I don’t even want to do anything [intimate].’ He just kind of knows.” While it may interfere with their physical intimacy at times, her husband doesn’t mind.

Staying Skin-Care-Obsessed & Spicy

But there are ways to keep your relationship spicy and your skin radiant — diligence, for one. “Regardless of what time [we hook up], I will get up [and refresh my face again]. I might not be putting on my face mask and the jaw strap, but if I am being intimate, I’m going to do my skin care after,” Kayla says. “I don’t mind doing it at 1, 2, 3 in the morning.”

It’s a good idea to have an abbreviated version of your regimen if you and your partner get close after freshening up for bed. Amit keeps a quick fix on her nightstand for afterward. “If he does [initiate sex], I will use hydrochlorous [acid] spray right away,” she says. “That way, I feel like I’m killing any germs that maybe his hands or the sheets might have given me.” She’s convinced him it really works; sometimes, she says, he asks for a spritz too.

“My boyfriend is like, ‘You look like you’re out of a scene of a scary movie.’”

Expert Rouleau says you can still keep things hot and heavy in the bedroom after caring for your face in the bathroom. That is, as long as your other half takes the right precautions, like washing their hands and face before intimacy. “You can maintain your skin’s complexion and keep physical touch in play,” she says.

Perhaps, though, while multiple masks and a series of serums might impact sex every once in a while, many skin care lovers say that being able to prioritize yourself — even and especially if you look silly while doing it — is the most intimate thing of all.

Kayla says her nighttime essentials lessen the sexy vibe but give her and her partner a good laugh before bed. “When I do the full morning shed with the face mask and the jaw strap, my boyfriend is like, ‘You look like you’re out of a scene of a scary movie.’”

Christi’s husband has shown her skin care trends he’s seen pop up on his own FYP. Amit’s boyfriend was inspired to moisturize daily in the winter. Morgan is on the hunt for the perfect beginner skin care kit to get her boyfriend for Christmas.

While physical connection might be off-limits with complex skin routines, emotional closeness comes with ease. Supple skin and a thriving relationship? Now that’s sexy.