If You Could Meet Your Younger Self For Coffee, What Would You Say?

If you need a good cry, look no further than the “getting coffee with your younger self” trend on TikTok. It’s one of the sweetest ways to reflect on your life and appreciate how far you’ve come, and it might even help heal your inner child.

This trend, which started with a poem written by Jenna Cecelia, the author of Deep In My Feels, encourages you to imagine what it would be like to get coffee with a younger version of you. The idea is to picture yourself in a cafe across from 30-year-old you, 25-year-old you, or even 18-year-old you. What would she order to drink? What is she worried about? What are her hopes and dreams? You can then compare those memories to where you are now and see how much has changed.

In a video posted on Feb. 8, creator @jackiecamardo shared what it was like to meet her younger self for coffee. “She showed up ten minutes early, too anxious to be late. I showed up right on time. She ordered black coffee. I ordered a vanilla cappuccino. She wore leggings and a hoodie. I wore a denim button down and trench coat. She says her sisters are her best friends in the world. I smile, because mine are, too. She says she wants to go into medicine to help people. I say I have my doctorate in nursing. She says she loves to draw but knows it’s not a realistic career. I say my art helped pay for school, and now I get to do both. She says she dreams about leaving the counry. I say I have been to over 30. I hope we meet again for coffee soon.”

Cue the waterworks, right? Here, a therapist breaks down why this trend is so healing.

Imagine Talking To Your Younger Self

The great thing about this trend is that it reminds you how hard it is to be young. Maybe you were flailing and failing or worried about the future. Maybe you had big dreams or things that really got on your nerves. And it allows you to look back on it all.

In another TikTok, creator @donatsuyang said her younger self had just gotten into a fight with her mom while her current self actually just moved closer to home, and it reflected how much her mother-daughter relationship had changed. Her younger self also couldn’t wait to grow up, while her current self has since gained the wisdom that you should cherish each stage of life.

Other people talked about how their past selves viewed dating and relationships, like creator @accordingtoren who said, “I told her I was happily single for the first time in my life and she didn’t believe me because being a girlfriend was her favorite thing ever.” She then went on to tell her younger self about the amazing friend group she would find, and how it didn’t ultimately matter where she went to college because she landed her dream job anyway. Her current self also admitted that she still doesn’t have all the answers — and probably never will.

Others assured their past selves that they would get out of bad relationships, find amazing partners, or heal their poor body image, while others offered their younger self comfort because they knew how tough life was back then. While not everyone achieved their dreams, improved their anxiety, or landed a great job, they were still able to offer peace, perspective, and comfort to the younger versions of themselves.

Why This Trend Is So Healing

According to Alice Tew, a psychotherapist and supervisor at Alice Tew Psychotherapy, this trend is hitting a nerve because it allows you to mentally reconnect with a past version of yourself who was once insecure or struggling, likely because they didn’t have direction, knowledge, or support.

By “meeting yourself for coffee,” it gives you a chance to reflect on what’s changed, including the big problems that once felt so overwhelming but are now resolved. “With such busy lives we rarely take the time to notice how much we’ve grown,” Tew tells Bustle. “So there’s sadness and also gratitude for the growth.”

If you catch yourself crying while watching this trend, it could be because you’re realizing how much you’ve been through, how tough life used to be, or how little you knew about the future. It could also be a sign of relief or just plain, old grief for what you’ve been through.

“Connecting with younger versions of yourself can be incredibly healing,” says Tew. “With this new perspective, you’re better placed to offer self-compassion and recognize that you would benefit from a kind and nurturing relationship with your current self, too. This stops the self-criticism/shame cycle that keeps a lot of us stuck.”

How To Have Coffee With Your Younger Self

To have coffee with your younger self, you can create an image with text on it like this TikTok trend, or you could write in a journal or meditate on what it would be like. Walk yourself through the encounter. Does she arrive late or early? What would the old version of you drink and what does it say about her? What would she be so proud or surprised to hear? What worries are consuming her? What would you tell her if you could send a message?

“It could bring up a lot of different feelings,” says Hannah Yang, Psy.D., a licensed psychologist and founder of Balanced Awakening. “Potentially regret, pride, sadness, and more. Whenever we ‘poke the bear’ of our unconscious, a lot of different emotions could arise. But no matter what, it’s good to cleanse and release what comes up.”

This process can also help you reflect on the problems, traumas, or thought patterns that might still be with you. “By making them conscious, they can be processed and in doing so will not have as much of an unconscious impact on your current behavior and feelings,” Yang says.

According to Tew, it’s also possible you’ll realize that you aren’t quite where you want to be in life. “This trend highlights both growth and what may still need to change — this is a lifelong thing,” she says. “There is no finish line, which is particularly important for perfectionists to be aware of. No matter where you are in your journey, not only do you deserve self-compassion, but it’s that kindness and intention that will get you where you want to be.”

Sources:

Alice Tew, psychotherapist, supervisor at Alice Tew Psychotherapy

Hannah Yang, Psy.D., licensed psychologist, founder of Balanced Awakening