Hear Me Out: I’m Pretty Sure I Manifested My Boyfriend

Before my 30th birthday, I swiped my way through one less-than-idyllic situationship after another. But then I met Jamie Dalton, an aura photographer, at the Center of New Age when celebrating my golden birthday in Sedona, Arizona, who told me what kind of energy I was giving off to attract these scrubs — and how I could attract true love. Six months later, I manifested my boyfriend.

If you’re not familiar, aura photography is where interpreters use biofeedback sensors to read the energy radiating from your hands through your meridian points. The energy is linked to a corresponding color through an algorithm in the camera, and these colors are interpreted by a reader to uncover things like your spiritual gifts, personality traits, blockages, and life path. Well, within seconds of my Polaroid-style portrait starting to develop, Dalton dropped some hard truths. First, she could tell I am an empath, which could cause relationships to be extra hard for me. (Yes.) A blue hue at the bottom right of my photo also told her that I recently went through a traumatic event with an ex-partner — also true.

The consensus? According to Dalton, I hadn’t been intentional about who I was attracting (oops), and so I was subconsciously accepting the behavior — and therefore attracting jerks (double oops). “If your core belief is that men cannot be trusted, you are bound to attract disloyal or untrustworthy partners to support your core belief,” Dalton explained. Fortunately, my aura wasn’t all doom and gloom. She could see that I had a “generosity of life and spirit” and explained that 2020 was my “year of power.” In hindsight, she was absolutely right: I just needed some direction on how to harness it.

In order to reset what I was attracting, I had to first get rid of the negative energy Mr. Wrong left behind. She suggested I get a Himalayan salt lamp, some selenite crystals, and some sage to cleanse my space. After that, I was to dedicate one day a week to manifesting my spiritual partner. To do this, Dalton prescribed that I write down seven to 10 ideal qualities in a S.O. — basically, a journaling exercise that puts the idea “like attracts like” into motion.

TBH, it was nice to daydream about the life I wanted as opposed to bitching with other single friends about how there are no decent guys in New York. I felt positive, creative, attractive. Then something weird happened: I got into the habit of whispering aloud before I would fall asleep, “I love you and I don’t even know you.” I have to admit I was having a little WTF-are-you-doing moment, but I figured this was between me and the universe. At the very least, I went to bed with a smile on my face after saying these affirmations. (Quite unlike my typical habit of overthinking DMs I send on dating apps.)

I hadn’t been intentional about who I was attracting (oops), and so I was subconsciously accepting the behavior — and therefore attracting jerks (double oops)

While manifestation may seem out there, your brain is actually hardwired to do it, according to neuroscientist Dr. Tara Swart. “There are three mechanisms involved: selective filtering, selective attention, and value tagging,” she tells Bustle. “The brain filters out excess data and pays attention to what is important for our survival — or, more importantly for manifestation, what we prime it to notice and grasp.” When I write down the qualities I’m looking for in a partner, my spidey senses go off the moment I meet someone who is having cold feet about a video chat. The brain also tags items based on both logical importance and emotional affinity, so by writing, thinking, and speaking aloud my intentions, I am raising awareness of patterns that are important. In other words: I am strengthening the filters in my brain to not engage with those that do not serve me (read: f*ck boys).

After just two months of doing this practice, I found my confidence building. I was extremely clear about who I was, what I deserved, and what I wanted. I even met up with Mr. Wrong who wanted to apologize to me and I told him squarely in the face, “You don’t deserve me.” It was incredible. I felt ready to try Hinge in the quest for the person I put on that dream partner list. Immediately, I was drawn to Dan, a kind-looking man who seemed to love his German Shepherd just as much as I loved my rescue. I also saw he completed a Tough Mudder Race (definitely driven!). Under the prompt about dealbreakers, he mentioned “dog lovers only” because his German Shepherd was going to come first. This spoke directly to my animal-loving heart.

I am strengthening the filters in my brain to not engage with those that do not serve me (read: f*ck boys).

We started dating, and he was the first guy that I could truly be open with and show all parts of me: the silly side, the sensitive side, the unsure side, the boss-lady side. I remember talking to all my married friends about how easy it was to be around him, and they all said the same thing: “That’s how it should be.” There were no games — it was just built off of mutual understanding and kindness.

Days before we exchanged our first I love yous, I had done a virtual meditation and new moon ritual in his bedroom. After the session, I reenacted what I learned by saging Dan and placing crystals thoughtfully on his body as I read affirmations. He kind of giggled and said it was nice. It was at that moment that it clicked for me: He had an open mind. This guy was totally meant for me.