7 Signs Your Breakup Was The Right Choice

As much as you wanted the relationship to work, you did all you could. This isn't giving up. It's admitting that things are not meant to be. "You tried and tried again to create a shift in the relationship dynamics. No matter what effort you applied, the end result remained the same,” says Susan Winter, a New York relationship expert. “You were left with a suboptimal relationship."

In this situation, don’t be hard on yourself. Throwing in the towel could actually be an act of self care. Researchers recommend journaling as a way to process the end of a relationship, a method that’s been found to increase positive emotions.

Contrary to Hollywood’s messaging, you shouldn’t give yourself up for love. Healthy long-term relationships require both people to boost each other, while also continuing to grow as individuals. "Maybe you lost a part of your identity," says Anita A. Chlipala, a Chicago-based marriage and family therapist. Every relationship requires meeting in the middle, she says, but when we give up too much of ourselves — our identity, what we stand for, or our beliefs — that's a problem.

"If someone you are dating or involved in a long-term relationship with has betrayed you in a way that you cannot get past — cheating, lying, addiction — then it is time to end the relationship for your own emotional health," says relationship writer Lori Bizzoco. "Remember, ending a relationship with someone is a personal decision, and only you know what is healthy or unhealthy for you."

"Healthy, positive communication is as essential to a relationship as clean air is to our bodies," says Carla Marie Manly, a psychologist and psychotherapist. "In cases where toxic communication has made things go awry, couples can work on healthy communication skills through couples therapy [and then] make a daily practice of using the skills learned."

If you or your partner weren’t able to communicate well, that’s a relationship red flag. How are you supposed to spend the majority of your time with someone you can’t even openly talk to? In fact, a 2007 study at the University of Illinois studied couples’ communication patterns. They found that sometimes the meaning someone was conveying came secondary to the benefits of simply practicing communication. “​​Beyond the content of the messages exchanged, emotional connection occurs during the bid and response of communication,” the study concluded. Just the action of talking in a meaningful way builds a bond, and things simply cannot continue without it.

Although every relationship requires compromise, there's only so much compromise someone can give before realizing they're depleting themselves in the process. As the saying goes, "You shouldn't have to set yourself on fire to keep others warm." "[If], in the relationship, you would have done anything to make your partner happy and make the relationship work, including conceding on things that are important to you, [that's a sign],” Chlipala says.

Having an inflexible partner can occasionally be a good thing, but not always. "Sometimes we have a partner who's willing, but not able to change," Winter says. "Other times we have a partner who's able, but unwilling to change. Either way, you're stuck with an unworkable situation, whether it [has to do with] anger issues, substance issues, or emotional issues."

And remember, relationships are a two-way street with two players. In fact, a 2017 study at the University of Auckland found that “cooperative communication involving affection and validation can be harmful when serious problems need to changed.”

People stay in relationships for many reasons. One in particular is a red flag: "Fear of being alone and not finding anyone else is valid, but not a reason to stay in a relationship,” Chlipala says. Look, we all know singledom can have its tough moments, and loneliness is on the rise in the United States. But don’t settle for anything less than a fulfilling, equal partnership.