Once or twice a year you might find yourself re-downloading your go-to dating apps with a hint of hope, a pinch of promise, and a dash of exasperation. This can happen after you’ve gone on a few too many failed coffee dates, or when all of your previous matches have run their course. It’s only natural to want to get back out there and see who you can find for fun first dates, sexy situationships — and maybe even long-term love.
As you reopen Hinge or Bumble, it’s not uncommon to feel a wave of excitement as you scroll through a few interesting prospects, like the cute artist who lives a mile away, the grad student who shares all of your interests, or the rugged traveler who seems like they might be down for a good time. But then, inevitably, your eyes land on your dating app arch nemesis, and you instantly hear a discordant “dun dun dun...” echoing through your head.
A dating app arch nemesis is the person who’s been lurking amongst your potential matches for literal years. You see them so often that, over time, you start to develop a sort of dysfunctional relationship. You immediately recognize their profile picture — it’s the same one they’ve had since 2021 — and you also can’t help but wonder why they’ve never given you a chance.
Would they rather be single than swipe right? Are they a bot? Are they ignoring you on purpose? Just like that, you bristle with annoyance and at the idea of dating apps in general.
What Is A Dating App Arch Nemesis?
On TikTok, people have been talking about the dating app arch nemesis and it’s so relatable. On March 31, creator @megruocco posted a video about her experience with one, saying, “For the past three to four years I’ve had a dating app arch nemesis. This is someone who I’ve matched with and rematched with several times. I want to say upwards of ten times.”
She went on to say that she eventually gave this person her number, as a way to move things to the next level, but he never texted her. Finally, it got to a point where they agreed to go on a date, but only after she had given him an ultimatum saying he had to meet up or else she’d un-match with him once and for all.
In her comments, one person said, “It’s either gonna be the best date of your life or bad enough that you’ll need to move states” while another said, “I love my dating app arch nemesis. The ‘will they or won’t they’ vibe is so fun.”
“My dating app arch nemesis was so disappointing in person,” another admitted, while someone else said, “There’s a 30 Rock episode about this. You’ve found your Wesley.”
In her video, Ruocco guessed that there was about an 85% chance this man would ghost her, but in a follow-up video she shared that they eventually went on a date — and she noted it was just OK. She even fessed up and said she felt sad that their back-and-forth saga had come to a close.
It does seem like nemeses can take many forms, but it almost always ends in disappointment. There’s the person who matches with you but never agrees to a date, the nemesis who finally agrees to meet up but doesn’t live up to the fantasy in your head, the person you see on Hinge a hundred times over five years and never match with, and the enemies to lovers trope, which is the rarest of them all.
Do We All Have A Dating App Arch Nemesis?
Ruocco’s video went viral with nearly 450,000 views, and proves she definitely isn’t the only one with a story about a dating app arch nemesis.
"Last year, my friend went on a few dates with a guy that I'd previously seen on Hinge,” says Theresa*, 30, a teacher in New York City. “I originally swiped left because I didn't find him that attractive, and he's popped up for me a few times since.”
Theresa says her nemesis has since updated his photos to refresh his profile. “It looks like he had fun on his backpacking trip through southeast Asia,” she tells Bustle. “I'm still not interested, especially because my friend didn't have rave reviews for him, but it's just kind of funny to see him circling around and around."
Then there’s Marianne*, 33, who says she often sees the same faces over and over again. “Sometimes I’ve relented and matched just to see what Hinge is all about,” she tells Bustle. “100% of the time the conversation goes nowhere and I feel justified in having not matched with them. It’s good to remember that I am definitely smarter than Hinge when it comes to figuring out the kind of people I like.”
Gemma*, 34, also has a dating app arch nemesis, and she says she can’t believe that they’ve never once changed their profile photo in all the years they’ve been circling each other in the apps. “Like, update your pics,” she tells Bustle. “You’ve been on here forever!”
If you have a dating app arch nemesis, it makes you wonder what on earth they’re looking for and if they’ll ever find it. Maybe you’ll one day have that enemies-to-lovers story arc where you finally swipe right, meet up, fall in love, then simultaneously delete the apps together — perhaps on your wedding day.
*Names have been changed.
