In A Rut? TikTokers Say To Make Dinner Plans For 90 Days From Now

When something bad happens to you, like a breakup or a job loss, it makes sense to meet up with your closest friends at the nearest restaurant for support. It feels good to connect and vent between bites of comfort food, but according to TikTok, you should also schedule another dinner three months in the future.

This practice has been dubbed the “90 day dinner,” and according to creator @queer_quarterback, it might just be the antidote to sadness. In their video posted on Nov. 18, @queer_quarterback shared the details of this tradition, which began in their friend group, and racked up over a million views.

The idea, she says, is to call for a “90 day dinner” with your pals whenever you’re in a rut. If someone initiates the plan, the friends will go through their calendars, pick a date, and set it in stone. Then, when the day arrives three months later, they use it as a check-in to see how their perspectives have shifted over the past few months. (Hint: Usually things are way better than they ever could have imagined.)

In the comments section, one person wrote, “This made me cry. I love this idea,” while someone else said, “[I love that it] gives you something to look forward to. And if nothing has changed in 90 days, you still get to hug your friends.”

Keep reading below for more info about the benefits of the 90 day dinner trend, including why it’s therapist-approved.

Why Wait 90 Days?

When you’re going through something horrible, or you find yourself in a dark place, it truly can feel like you’ll never, ever be happy again. Emotions are high, and you might worry that you’ll be sad or stuck forever, but that’s why the 90 day dinner makes all the difference.

According to @queer_quarterback, the first benefit of the 90 day dinner is that it gives you something to look forward to. When you’re lost in life, it feels hopeful to have a special get-together on the horizon — though you can definitely see your friends in the interim, too.

Three months is often just enough time to see some change in perspective. When you sit down with your friends, you can catch up, note what has shifted, and share how you feel now, even if it’s just that you’re slightly less sad.

Having that moment to check in and reassess what happened to you can be incredibly healing and validating, says Karla Alvarez, AMFT, APCC, a primary therapist and program director at Alter Behavioral Health, who fully supports the idea. “At the 90 day dinner, it is important to discuss what has changed in your perspective throughout that time,” she tells Bustle, as this will solidify how far you’ve come.

The Benefits Of The 90 Day Dinner

As @queer_quarterback says in the original video, you probably won’t feel completely healed from the breakup, or whatever else prompted you to call for a 90 day dinner, but something small will likely have shifted.

Chances are your mood will be better, and you’ll see things from a new angle that didn’t seem possible three months earlier. You might also have more information now that has changed how you feel, or you might have other things going right in your life that put the bad stuff on the back burner.

By the time the 90 day dinner date rolls around, and your mind is no longer in an intensely emotional state, you can start to process and see everything from this fresh POV, says Alvarez. “This challenge also allows you to find support with your small groups,” she says. It will feel good to know that someone knows what you’re going through.

A looming 90 day dinner might even inspire you to make a few changes since you’ll want to report something positive to your besties, though it’s also OK to show up just as sad and stuck as ever. In that case, you can use the meal to get real with your friends, maybe even letting them know how you might need support, and that can be incredibly cathartic, too.

Planning Your 90 Day Dinner

The next time you’re in a rut, text your friends and announce that you need to schedule a 90- ay dinner. Choose a restaurant, make a reservation, and treat it like the important upcoming meeting that it is. If you’d like, someone can even take notes as a way to actively listen and keep track of your progress.

According to the original post on TikTok, you can schedule a 90 day dinner with a group of friends, your mom, a cousin, one friend, or even a long-distance BFF. For the latter, she recommends calling them on FaceTime and chatting as you both heat up the same frozen Trader Joe’s meal. Eating the same food will help you feel close and united.

If you don’t have a solid friend group or anyone to turn to, the concept of the 90 day dinner still stands. Under @queer_quarterback’s video, one person commented, “I feel like even scheduling a 90-day dinner with yourself and getting the notif [would be helpful]. Like oh! It’s time to check in on myself and get my fav meal and reflect.”

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Karla Alvarez, AMFT, APCC, clinical marriage and family therapist, program director at Alter Behavioral Health