Life
Google Just Exposed All The Stuff We’re Googling At The Last Minute For Valentine’s Day
I don’t know about you, but I am endlessly fascinated by the weird things people Google — particularly around specific times of year. They reveal so much about us, and yet at the same time, they also reveal so little. What each state Googles on Valentine’s Day, however? Well, most of those searches are as transparent as can be — or at least, they are according to a map showing that search data put together by Satellite Internet. Humans might be fickle creatures, but at least we’re also comfortingly predictable sometimes.
As far as the methodology goes, Satellite Internet made good use of data from Google Trends, according to their blog post about the creation of the map. They started off by checking Google Trends for what people were searching the most on Valentine’s Day over the past five years — so, assuming that means we’re not including 2019 in the mix (since, uh, Valentine’s Day hasn’t happened yet this year), we’re looking at data from the 2014 Valentine’s Day season through 2018’s. Anyway, after assembling this list, Satellite Internet separated out the terms that were popular during all five years, added related searches to this new list, and then ran everything through Google Trends again to see which states accounted for the highest search volume of each term.
Interestingly, the results tend to fall under a few broad categories — a trend which demonstrates that a lot of the time, we’re all thinking about the same things no matter where we are, even if the specific terms vary by state. What’s your state most interested in? Check it out here:
1Food and Recipes
Perhaps unsurprisingly, tons of states ask the oracle of the internet about food — specifically either where to eat on Valentine's Day, or what to cook for it. Virginia, for example, wants to know what fondue restaurant The Melting Pot is up to on Feb. 14., while the state of Oregon spent their search time looking for cheese fondue recipes. Similarly, New Mexico and Ohio are apparently planning on taking their dates to Red Lobster on Valentine’s Day, while Montana and Alaska want to know how to cook lobster tail or just what a good lobster recipe might be, respectively. For those who prefer a turf over surf, South Dakota and Maryland searched for Outback menu, Iowa and Indiana for Texas Roadhouse, and Georgia for Longhorn Steakhouse — but in Alabama, searches for filet mignon recipe reveal a desire to make the steak at home.
Michigan, meanwhile, wants to know where to get a heart-shaped pizza. Hawaii wants some info on “seafood near me.” In North Carolina, Golden Corral prices are the name of the game. And Kentucky just wants to know about what Valentine’s Day deals are available this year.
2Sweets And Treats
Honestly, there are enough searches about dessert to warrant a separate category. In Washington state, folks want to know where their nearest chocolate shops are, while New Hampshire is curious about Lindt chocolate. Colorado is into Russell Stover; Vermont is looking into Ben & Jerry’s (naturally); and a lot of folks want to order from Edible Arrangements: Connecticut, New York, and Pennsylvania all searched for the fruit-filled bouquet company. Looks like someone’s in for a tasty Valentine’s Day.
3Hooters
Also, Illinois and Louisiana are apparently going to their friendly neighborhood Hooters locations this year. I mean… sure. Just, y’know, be nice to your servers. They're at work, after all, and waiting tables is not easy. Especially on holidays.
4Valentines
Cards are big in a lot of places, of course, though the angle varies from state to state. Minnesota wants to know how to send Hallmark eCards, for example; similarly, North Dakota is interested in free eCards, while Nebraska just wants to know where to find free Valentine’s cards. Massachusetts and Wisconsin, though, have upped the ante a bit: Their searches are for dirty Valentines, specifically.
Also, uh, West Virginia is searching for Trump Valentines. Are you OK, West Virginia?
5Quotes And Poetry
Whether you’re planning on writing them in your card, in an actual letter, or as a social media caption (hi there, Instagram), words of wisdom and pieces of poetry loom large at this time of year. Missouri, Oklahoma, and South Carolina all keep things broad, searching simply for poetry; others, however, get a little more specific with their queries: Mississippi is on the prowl for quotes about love, while New Jersey is intent on digging up some Valentine’s Day quotes. Texas, interestingly, somehow manages to combine both Massachusetts’ and Wisconsin’s interests with the great poetry search: It seems that Texans are into dirty Valentine’s poems.
6Dating Apps And Sites
Personally, I probably would not want to be on a dating app or site on Valentine’s Day (too much pressure!) — but then again, I always found dating itself to be enormously stressful and not much fun, so maybe that’s just me. Three states, at least, think Feb. 14 is a great time to look for a date: Wyoming is swiping right on Tinder; Idaho is giving Bumble a shot; and Delaware is logging onto eHarmony.
7Personal Grooming
Perhaps unsurprisingly, grooming-related searches see a bit of a spike on Valentine’s Day in some areas. Nevada wants to know where to get a good Brazilian blowout, while Utah is curious about where to go for Brazilian waxing. Arkansas, meanwhile, is brushing up on their Valentine’s Day makeup skills.
8Alternative Celebrations
Not into Valentine’s Day? Neither is California or Florida; they’re looking up info about Friendship Day. Rhode Island would rather be celebrating Steak & BJ Day. And Maine just wants to watch The Bachelor. You’re in good company, is what I’m saying.
9Health Concerns
I mean, to be fair, your health matters regardless as to what day it is, right? What’s more, the specific health-related searches that kick up on Valentine’s Day tend to be thematically relevant: Kansas wants to know if broken heart syndrome is a real thing (it is) — and both Arizona and Tennessee are looking into venereal disease.
Not going to lie: I’m curious about how old the median ages are in Arizona and Tennessee, largely because “venereal disease” hasn’t been the preferred term for STIs for a few decades. Either way, though, here’s your reminder to use protection, get tested regularly, and be safe while you’re having fun.
To check out the full map, head here. Search wisely and search well, my friends.
