A breakup is one of the most heart-wrenching, albeit natural, experiences in the process of our life. During the aftermath of a breakup, we are left feeling deep pain and a sense of loss. While they can be incredibly painful, breakups are an opportunity for self-reflection, spiritual author and guide Heather Kristian Strang tells Bustle. “The key to self-compassion after a breakup is to allow yourself to spend time being quiet so that you can tune into all of the gifts that you gained from that relationship,” she says. “So often, we will immediately launch into self-blame or blaming the other — but what will really bring us peace and harmony is taking time to truly reflect on all that we've learned from the relationship and how we've grown. And then we must take these reflections into the new chapter of our life.”

I experience all of my emotions and relationships very intensely, and for me, a breakup is devastating. I spend an unhealthy amount of time analyzing every moment I shared with my partner and every single mistake I could have made. I stay in bed and wallow in my own self-pity and my mind is overcome with negative self-talk dictating to me that the breakup was entirely my fault. I now understand that a breakup is a natural experience that shapes us and molds us into the person who we are meant to become. When we are in the midst of a breakup, no matter how messy or painful it is, we should adapt a mindset of positivity. We should view our breakup as momentum for spiritual and intellectual growth.

By being honest with ourselves, we can understand how we can heal and cope in our future relationships. Here are 13 people's biggest breakup regrets.