I have long wondered what I would look like as a Polly Pocket, Lego, Play-Mobil, or Barbie doll. Toys don't really get nuance, and I have brownish/blondish/reddish hair, so would I get yellow curls, or brown ones, or would I have Crayola hair like Raggedy Anne? This has thus far remained a mystery, but it appears I might soon get a chance to find out, thanks to Firebox's "Brick Yourself" Key Ring, which transforms your likeness into a mini figurine. LEGO Movie sequel, here. I. come.
Indeed, for the very fair price of $28.19, you can obtain a personalized mini LEGO-esque (though not officially LEGO, since that's a trademarked brand) version of yourself through the U.K.-based online retailer. Upload a photo of your likeness, or of a friend's you'd like to gift this to, or an enemy on whom you'd like to practice Voodoo, to Firebox's website, and share some identifying details so Firebox can put you in the appropriate outfit. (Some examples on their website: "Molly normally wears blue jeans and a pink t-shirt. She has red hair and thick rimmed glasses," or "Steve is a bit of punk with shaggy brown hair and thick stubble, he wears a leather jacket and a backwards baseball cap," or "Rebecca has been wearing the same leggings since Tuesday and is not sure when she last washed her hair." (JK that last one is me.) (But it is pretty true.)
Brick Yourself, $28, Firebox
Firebox can't include any branded logos on the figurine's clothing, so if you're a big Manchester United fan, your mini-me will have to find a fictional team to support. It is unclear whether Firebox can somehow paint in more ephemeral parts of your essence, like how you always hit sleep on your alarm at least two times too many and have an inexplicable fear of asparagus, but at the very least, you can imprint those qualities on your figurine in your mind.
It takes about two weeks to manufacture the little guy, and then another four days to ship to you, but once it's made, they'll attach a little keyring to it so you can keep your toy version with you always. Firebox points out it's also a good thing to distribute among your housemates, so you'll never take one another's keys, which is a common mishap in my abode.
But there is some very tragic news: they don't ship to the United States, WHY GOD. The good news is, there are still a bunch of retailers in the States, including LEGO itself, that'll manufacture personalized toys for you. Some Etsy vendors will sell little mini-LEGOs for weddings and other events for instance. Then, there's this extremely harrowing Etsy vendor, which will stick a 3-D printout of your head atop a LEGO, for nightmares. Minifigs.me is a UK site that'll customize mini-figurines for you, but they do appear to ship to the U.S. And if you happen to live near or visit a LEGO store, they have "Build a Mini" towers where you can customize your own little creature as you wish.
So, the world is full of possibilities ripe for miniaturizing, but know that no toy version of you can truly capture your likeness and personality, for you are a unique living and breathing thing, and they are just a toy. At least, that's the case before your mini-figurines gain sentience and slowly start to steal bits and pieces of your life, until they've transformed your home into a plastic-ized version of Single White Female and have usurped all your friends and party invites. But, listen, you've still got some time until then.
