What's the secret to a satisfying sex life in a long-term relationship? As much as we may like to think that amazing sex and chemistry are things that just magically happen — and then last forever — keeping the spark alive in the bedroom in a long-term relationship can actually take some real work.
"A couple's physical intimacy does not stay constant during the course of their relationship," Rhonda Milrad, LCSW, ABS certified clinical sexologist and relationship therapist, and founder of online relationship community Relationup, tells Bustle. "In fact, it decreases once the 'honeymoon phase' is over and the relationship becomes familiar and comfortable, and then proceeds to wax and wane. Although this may not sound sexy or glamorous, it is the natural course of relationships. Maintaining physical intimacy takes work and won’t just occur organically. If couples neglect actively working on their intimate life, it will peter out altogether."
Maintaining physical intimacy with a partner is all about seeing each from a new perspective or experiencing something new together, bringing that novelty back into the relationship. So here are seven sex positions, from The Splitter to The Bridge, that will help you and your long-term partner discover each other all over again.
1Spooning
How To Do It: Get into the classic cuddling position, then reach one arm over your partner to stimulate them manually. You can get a toy involved or just stick with hand play.
Why It's Great: This is an unusual position, so you'll get a new feel for your partner. And, as a bonus, it's a position that many women masturbate in, so might get some insight into how they touch themselves. It's also an intimate position, perfect for some whispering and feeling really connected.
2X Marks The Spot
How To Do It: Lay on the edge of the bed while your partner stands over you, crossing your legs and leaning them against their chest. Help guide them inside you, playing around with different intensities by crossing your legs tighter or looser.
Why It's Great: This is the perfect way to rediscover your partner because it's a totally unique position, in terms of the views you have of each other and the sensation it provides. The novelty of it might just have you seeing each other through new eyes.
3Sideways Straddle
How To Do It: While your partner lays on their back, face away from them and straddle one leg, drawing it up toward you. Then, slowly, lower yourself onto them and grind.
Why It's Great: Another totally unique position, this one lets you take charge while you see each other from a new point of view.
4The Bridge
How To Do It: Start in missionary, but as your partner sits back onto their heels and lifts up, push through your feet and thrust your hips into the air. If it's hard to maintain, they can place their knees or hands under you to help hold you up.
Why It's Great: It's a position that takes a little work, so you'll have to stay connected and tuned into each other's movements. Plus, it's an unusual position with plenty of opportunity for clit play.
5The Double Dip
How To Do It: Think of it as doggy style, but with a twist — the twist being an extra partner, lying underneath and taking it all in.
Why It's Great: Sometimes, trying something totally out there is necessary in order to reignite the flame. This is a great beginner's threesome position, because it's easy to get into and there aren't limbs flying everywhere. Of course, feel free to take turns.
6On Top Variation
How To Do It: Straddle your partner while they lean against the wall or on back of the bed. Then have them slowly bring their knees up, helping support you and move you closer together.
Why It's Great: It's an intimate, slower, and deeper take on a cowgirl. Plus, you get a face-to-face view of each other and a slightly different angle, great for reconnecting.
7The Splitter
How To Do It: While in missionary, have your partner lean back while you lift one leg up and rest it on their chest. You may need to reposition a little bit or try some lube to help guide them inside of you.
Why It's Great: An easy way to mix up missionary, this is a fun position with a lot of eye contact and connection, so you'll be really vibing with your partner.
Sometimes, a simple twist to your sex life can help you and your partner see each other in a new way — and help both of you reconnect. Don't be afraid to mix things up, because putting in the extra effort can really pay off.
