Life
8 Things Jennifer Lawrence Wants You To Put On Your Amazon Wedding Registry
For those of us who will never attend an A-list wedding, perhaps we can still experience some of the extravagance second-hand, through the comfort and convenience of the internet. In partnership with Amazon, Jennifer Lawrence has released a wedding registry guide, giving soon-to-be-married couples her take on what they should add to their lists. The guide is the exact combination of “standard wedding registry” and “oh my god what even is that” you would expect from someone worth over $120 million.
When you visit Jennifer Lawrence’s wedding registry guide on Amazon, you are met with a pastel-ombre header featuring a glamour shot of the actress as well as her autograph, the latter of which should become standard practice for any and all gift registries from here on out. “Jennifer Lawrence, actress and philanthropist, is getting married!” the header reads. “Discover her essential wedding registry picks on Amazon.”
“Planning a wedding is so exciting, but it can be overwhelming,” a quote from Lawrence says. She would know as, earlier this year, she got engaged earlier to Cooke Maroney, who is the director of the NYC art gallery Gladstone 64. “For anyone else needing a little inspiration,” Lawrence’s quote continues, “I thought it would be fun to collaborate with Amazon to share a few of my favorite registry wish-list items. It’s so easy, and you can find everything you need all in one place.” Yes, getting married and throwing a wedding is extremely easy when you have lots of money and brand partnerships.
The list includes some things you would expect: various stemware, a fondue set (something I’m convinced just shows up automatically on your wedding registry whether you want it or not), a cheeseboard. Of course, not all of the items are typical of your run-of-the-mill registry.
Here is a handful of some of the more buck wild items on the list.
1A Dansk Wooden Salad Bowl ($70)
I love nothing more than to see what celebrities, valued at literal millions of dollars, think us common folk can afford. It’s all very, “it’s one banana, what could it cost…$10?”
2This Copper Fire Pit ($229)
Lovely. Gorgeous. Would pressure my distant relatives into buying in honor of my nuptials, making them question why they even RSVP-ed “yes” in the first place.
3This Five-Piece Set of Flatware ($169)
Lawrence selected the setting of two forks, two spoons, and one knife that comes in “ice oro,” a tasteful gold color. However, if you really want your wedding guests to vengefully scroll through your registry, I suggest selecting the set in multicolor ($208) which is a holographic rainbow hue. I mean, why not? You’re already asking people to spend over $30 on each individual utensil. Might as well go for the most bonkers option.
4These Champagne Glasses ($80)
It is a very nice set of four glasses but, again, you’re paying about $20 per extremely delicate glass. Given my aptitude for breaking a glass if I so much as look at it, this makes my palms sweat.
5Airpods ($144)
One recent study claims that 17% of people have sex with their Airpods in. (Their ears, you pervs.) Think of this gift as a way to spice things up in the bedroom.
6A Weighted Blanket ($249)
The nearly $3 million budget of Meghan Markle and Prince Harry’s wedding included a $127,000 US section solely for trumpets. Not music, just trumpets. Perhaps you can justify this nearly $250 dollar blanket by being like, "I mean, we had to cut corners on the trumpets so..."
7A String of Backyard Patio Lights ($17)
The surprising affordability of these is ... suspicious in the context of multi-hundred dollar blankets and fancy spoons. Is the wire actually made of black licorice?
8A Robot Mop ($449)
Lawrence’s registry also comes in partnership Amazon Conservation which, per a quote from Lawrence, “unites science, innovation, and community to protect the Amazon rainforest, which greatly needs our help right now.” She adds, “I am happy to make a donation to the Amazon Conservation as part of this collaboration.” Somewhat related, here’s a fancy smart Roomba that costs as much as, like, a monthly car payment.
Here’s to wedding bliss making your relatives buy things in the name of love.
