Wait, So Is The Giant Chicken Real?

Loch Ness. Bigfoot. Giant chicken. One of these things actually exists, and it's not the one you want. A video recently surfaced online of the biggest poultry meat you've ever seen, leaving viewers asking one crucial question: Is this giant chicken real? We're all going to have nightmares tonight, because yes, it's real. And it's legitimately a behemoth of a chicken. It appears to be roughly the weight of a horse. Except it's a chicken.

Upon seeing this video, my first thought was that this poor chicken was jacked up on steroids and hormones in preparation to be slaughtered. It could easily feed the Brady bunch for a week, at least. But my suspicions were incorrect. It's actually a breed called the Brahma chicken, and they were once the most in-demand meat in our country, sometimes reaching over 18 pounds. If you think this sounds like the plot line of a 1950s claymation sci-fi/horror movie, you would be correct.

In the chicken's big video debut, it exist its coop, looking relatively normal at first. But you soon realize its massive size, and you instantly know you'd never want to cross this beast in a dark alley. I can't do it justice. Just look for yourself.

If old MacDonald had a farm, I'm guessing all the other animals jumped ship after they met this chicken.

Then again, my fear of the Brahma chicken might be slightly misguided and irrational. According to My Pet Chicken, they're "gentle giants" and make great pets because they're quiet, tame, and great huggers. (I'd like to speak to the person who got close enough to hug one.) The Livestock Conservancy agrees, stating that Brahma chickens are calm and docile.

It looks like we really don't need to fear the "King of all poultry," as the Brahma chicken might be colossal but is a total softy on the inside. I'll just take their word for it.