Life
If You And Your Partner Have These 7 Habits Before Bed, They’re “The One”
If you want to know whether or not your partner is "The One," your bedtime habits as a couple can clue you in. According to experts, successful long-term couples have similar habits before going to bed. "When you are going to bed, you are in your most vulnerable space," Rori Sassoon, Relationship Expert and CEO of VIP elite matchmaking service Platinum Poire, tells Bustle. Although you may not realize it, the simple and sweet things you do with your partner before bed can help strengthen your relationship, whether you live together, or are just spending the night together.
Life can get super demanding sometimes. We all have commitments to work, family, friends, our health, and our relationship. Sometimes, those commitments outside of your relationship can have a way of putting your relationship on the backburner. "This can lead to couples going to bed at different times," relationship therapist, Tavi Hancock Hawn, LCSW-C, tells Bustle. "Before you know it, days have gone by without a meaningful conversation, without real connection and yes, without sex. This can take a real toll on a relationship."
That's why it's important for couples to intentionally build new bedtime routines and rituals, especially if they live together and are often neglecting each other before bed. "When a couple spends the time right before bed just catching up, cuddling or touching in some way, it can make a huge difference," Hawn says. "This ends the day with emotional, spiritual, and maybe even some physical connection. I know that's how I want to enter dreamland at night."
How can you tell if your bedtime habits are strengthening your relationship? According to experts, if you and your partner do the following things before bed, they just might be "The One."
1You Don't Feel Distance Between You Two Right Before Bed
"Never go to bed angry," is a typical relationship cliché you've probably heard over and over again. But as Sassoon says, it's definitely one to follow. If that's something you and your partner consciously do, they might be "The One."
"Finding a way to come to a compromise lets your partner know you love them," she says. "Closeness at night can make the difference in your relationship and will have you both waking up on the right side of the bed in the morning."
2You Keep Tech To A Minimum
You don't need science to tell you that phone snubbing ("phubbing") — or ignoring someone in favor of being on your phone — won't do your relationship any good. So if you and your partner make it a point to keep phones, computers, and the TV off right before bed, they might be "The One." "Television and other forms of technology is a distraction where you could be using your time to talk, connect authentically, or be intimate," Sasson says. "Keeping your bedroom as a space for intimacy and relaxation is important." And this goes for whether you share a living space full time, or spend nights together occasionally.
3You Kiss Each Other And Actually Say "Goodnight"
If you're with "The One," kissing each other before going to sleep should be part of your nightly routine. It's just as important to say goodnight as well.
"Saying, 'I love you' and wishing your partner a good replenishing sleep is underrated," Sassoon says. "Verbal communication is a good way to strengthen your relationship." Sassoon says to not be afraid to switch it up every now and then. Thinking of new ways to verbally communicate your love and gratitude for them can keep it fresh.
4You Snuggle Up To Each Other
"Snuggling is crucial for couples to physically support one another," divorce attorney and relationship expert, Vikki Ziegler tells Bustle. So if you and your partner like to snuggle, they might be "The One."
According to Ziegler, physical touch is one of the many things that can lack in a relationship. "To keep the connection, couples should hug, touch, snuggle and, of course, be physically intimate as much as possible," she says.
5You Don't Have Difficult Relationship Talks Right Before Bed
Successful couples know to not have relationship talks right before bed, licensed psychotherapist, Michele M. Paiva, tells Bustle. As she says, relationship talks rarely work before going to sleep, "as they are often just accusations and hurt laced with caring." Instead, bedtime should be a time for acceptance and love. Not conflict.
"Don't assume that because your partner is in bed that they are cornered," she says. "They will feel cornered and put emotional walls up, and that's not going to help the relationship at all." If your partner is "The One," you're more likely to resolve conflicts during the day, and save bedtime as your time to wind down and connect.
6You Actually Go To Bed Together
It may seem obvious, but it's still important to point out. If you're partner is "The One," they'll make a point to be in bed with you when it's time to sleep. Couples who can go to bed together and don't might experience a breakdown in connection, and possibly even trust, Paiva says. Of course, if you and your partner have different schedules, this may not be a possibility, and that's completely OK. But if you are both home at the same time, make an effort to have the same bedtime. According to Paiva, if partners continue to go to bed without each other for long enough, they may start noticing that they get "used" to not being in bed together. As a result, a couple may also get "used" to this disconnection being the norm.
7You Make Eye Contact While You Talk
If you and your partner make it a point to maintain eye contact when you're chatting right before you sleep, they might be the one for you. That's because close eye contact when slowing down your day and going to bed is great for bonding. "It's often ignored once the infatuation wears off, but it can be such an intimacy booster," Paiva says. "You'll get farther with eye connect, as it is so intimate and beautiful."
As you can see, your bedtime ritual as a couple doesn't have to be complicated. Couples who've found "The One" in each other know strengthening your bond can be as easy as a goodnight kiss.
