As someone who reviews sex toys quite often, I've seen pretty much every kind of vibrator there is: clitoral suction cups, emoji vibrators, you name it. But Fin, a new vibrator by Dame Products, has an ability I haven't seen before: it attaches to your hand like a big finger. It's the very first toy that Kickstarter allowed on its platform, so I figured there must be something special about it. Dame Products' first sex toy Eva, which was on Indiegogo, became the most highly-funded sex toy in the history of online crowdfunding. And Dame Products' founders do indeed have a noble goal with Fin: to change the fact that men report getting more pleasure out of sex than women.
While I have no complaints about my sex life, I am among the majority of women who don't orgasm from intercourse alone. I don't view this as a problem, since there are plenty of other ways to make sure we're both satisfied, but I've still been curious to experience it. I've asked women who can do it to teach me their ways, but it seems to come down to basic physiology: I need clitoral stimulation. While my partner has tried to provide me with this during sex, it gets pretty complicated with so much other stuff going on. I wondered if the right toy could be the thing to change that.
Dame Products Fin Vibrator, $76, Amazon
The first thing that struck me about Fin was how unobtrusive it is. It rests between two of your fingers, and you can pretty much use your hand as you normally would, with extra vibration power. The first time I took it for a spin was by myself, and I actually used it over my underwear because it was so powerful. On the lowest setting, it was quiet enough to use in my parents' house, which I was very grateful for during the holidays.
Then came the moment of truth: I put it in my partner's hands. First, he used it to enhance digital sex. Then, once I was warmed up, we started having sex while he continued using it. Not only did I come during sex — I did at the same time as him. That was a mathematical stroke of good luck for us both, but as we kept using it, I consistently came before him. Why had I never considered this painfully simple strategy before?
Don't fall into the trap of thinking it's hard for you to orgasm because you rely on a vibrator.
While this wasn't the first time we'd used a sex toy together, I'd been hesitant to use one during sex for a few reasons. First, I didn't want to make him feel like he wasn't enough. Second, I was scared of giving the impression that I was just trying to get off rather than being in the moment. A past partner of mine had responded when I brought out a sex toy, "I want us to connect with each other, not a machine," which made me feel guilty about putting my pleasure above the "connection." Third, part of me felt like this wasn't the "natural" way to have sex, and that if my body didn't respond to "natural" things, that was my problem.
But these fears were all in my head. Every time I suggested bringing out my toy, my partner didn't care one way or the other. Using a toy isn't antithetical to connecting, and who cares if it's natural or not? Toilets aren't natural, and we like them. Condoms aren't natural, and we use them during sex. I say, use a toy every single time if that makes it better. Don't fall into the trap of thinking it's hard for you to orgasm because you rely on a vibrator. If it's easy with a toy, it's easy enough.
When we hear that "most women can't orgasm from intercourse alone" statistic, we get way too intimidated by "can't orgasm during intercourse" when the operative word is really "alone." Intercourse plus a handy finger apparatus, it turns out, is totally doable.
