We have this idea that sex begins with an erection and ends with ejaculation, and therefore, we assume that the way to prolong sex is to prolong erections. So, when you read advice for delaying orgasm, it's usually geared toward those with penises. But there are plenty of reasons those with vaginas might want to explore such techniques as well.
Contrary to popular wisdom, not all vaginas can last forever and ever during sex. "The neurology of our pleasure parts is, for some of us, so responsive that it can get a little over-amped," Good Vibrations staff sexologist Carol Queen tells Bustle. "It's pretty common for the clitoris to get so sensitive after orgasm that you don't want it to be touched; this happens with the anus, too, and it's quite possible for the G-spot to get a workout and not want any more pressure."
If you're looking to have a quickie, these limitations likely won't pose a problem. But if you want to pull off a sex marathon, delaying orgasm may be necessary for you to last as long as you intend. Here are some methods that will help you maintain total control over how long you last in bed.
1Get In Touch With Your Body
Orgasm control is one of many things that can be improved by greater mindfulness in bed. "For people of any genital configuration, the most important part is probably to be enough in touch with your own body and its responses that you can recognize the signs and sensations of impending orgasm," says Queen. "If you can do this, and orgasm doesn't just sneak up and overwhelm you (which, admittedly, is nice!), it can be possible to slow it down."
Maybe, for example, your legs start shaking or your vagina starts contracting soon before you orgasm. This is easiest to start noticing during masturbation. Then, if you see these signs with a partner, you know to slow down.
2Take Your Foot Off The Pedal — Or Step On The Brakes
When you feel yourself about to orgasm, you might want to decrease the intensity of the stimulation, or you may want to stop it entirely. "For some people this will make it harder to get back into it, but for others, it will allow play to go on longer and re-set the sexual response cycle," says Queen. Practice to find out what works for you.
3Think Outside The Genitals
If you choose to stop genital stimulation, there are plenty of other things you can do to have fun in the meantime. "Let your body contact your partner's for a bit, but without movement or direct pressure, while you get into a more sensual space," Queen says. "Then, gradually ramp it up back into sexiness — making out, writhing together, whatever feels hottest. This might also be a good time to put some direct attention on your partner, switching the direct focus away from your own body."
4Try Edging
Edging is a technique where you come close to orgasm, then stop, then start, then stop again, repeating this as many times as you can without going over. Many find that it intensifies their orgasms. And if you're trying to prolong sexual activity, it can make for a climactic grand finale.
5Don't Try To Control Your Thoughts
There are all these jokes about people thinking about baseball or an unattractive person in order to not come. Talk about being taken out of the moment. You don't have to delay your orgasm by thinking about something that turns you off, says Queen. "You're always being encouraged to think about non-sexy stuff to interrupt this process, which is, well, non-sexy, so I really favor learning your body better."
6If You Do Orgasm, That Doesn't Have To Be The End
Some people find it physically uncomfortable to continue after orgasm, but this may change if you broaden your definition of intimacy to include activities that don't involve the genitals, like kissing and pleasing your partner, says Queen. After a bit of that, you may get so turned on that you're ready for more. Or, you may find that these activities are satisfying in of themselves.
Remember, "sex" can have many definitions, and as long as you're having fun and everything's consensual, you're doing it right.
