Lots of women have trouble orgasming — and a lot of women can orgasm just fine but take a damn long time to do it. Now, taking a while is nothing to be embarrassed about — you should take all the time you need and know that there's nothing wrong with you if it takes a while to get off — and it's partly down to the way that we're built. According to Amy Levine, sex coach and founder of Ignite Your Pleasure, it can take women around 20 minutes to reach peak arousal. "For men, on average, it's rather fast — touch, a thought, something visual can do the trick," she tells Bustle. Of course it is.
But if you want to finish faster, whether it's to sync up with a partner or because you've got things to do and people to see, there are plenty of ways to do it. Part of it depends on whether you're wanting to come faster during sex or if you're just trying to up your masturbation game. No matter what you're looking for, there are options — techniques, products, and general ways to explore. It's important that you play around with different tips and find what works for you. Then, the next time you want to have an orgasm really quickly, but you're worried it's going to make you late for work (just me?!) you'll be in a great position to fire one out in a hurry.
Here are the different techniques you can use, because there are so many ways to approach it.
1Try Plenty Of Foreplay
If your problem is that you're taking a long time to orgasm during penetration — which isn't a problem, by the way, you should take all the damn time you need — but you can speed things along by spending more time on foreplay. It not only gets you aroused — it can improve your connection too.
“Sex play can be just as gratifying as the rest of sex, in fact it can increase anticipation and spontaneity so that arousal and orgasm are improved, while the bonding hormone oxytocin gets released through extended touch,” Dr. Kat Van Kirk, a licensed marriage and sex therapist and author of the book The Married Sex Solution: A Realistic Guide to Saving Your Sex Life, tells Bustle. “Oxytocin increases your sense of connection and overall wellness.”
2Go For Blended Stimulation
One is good, two is better. Seriously though, most women need that clit stimulation, but the intensity of combining it with G-spot stimulation can really get things moving. "The G-spot is located two inches inside the vagina, on the topside of the vaginal wall, and has a spongy texture,” sex therapist and sexologist, Stefani Threadgill, tells Bustle. “To find the G-spot, insert two fingers, palm-up, with a ‘come-here’ motion, and press up against the front wall of the vagina. The G-spot responds to direct pressure.”
Want to try it during sex? Try shallow thrusting or women on top positions to get the G-spot, then you or your partner can give you clit a hand.
3Use Lube
Lube just makes everything better. “Lube revolutionizes sex lives and opens up a world of erotic possibilities,” Astroglide's Resident Sexologist, Dr. Jess, tells Bustle. And you can go for one with a warming or tingly sensation for extra stimulation. It's not just if you need it — lube is totally fun as an addition to any sex or masturbation experience.
4Be Clear About What You Need
This is especially important with a partner — but it's true when you're on your own, as well. "If you know exactly how to turn your partner on and they know the same for you then it’s makes reaching orgasm together much easier," psychotherapist and certified sex therapist, Kristie Overstreet tells Bustle. So don't be ashamed to go for exactly the technique that makes you come — or giving your partner very specific directions to get you there.
5Watch Porn
Sometimes, you just need some mental stimulation. Now, I'm not saying porn has intellectually challenging plot lines — obviously. But for some, orgasms have a lot to do with your mind and where your head is at. Porn offers another form of stimulation and, because you're busy watching it, it can be easy to shake off anxieties and stresses that can keep you from orgasming.
6Learn About Your Body
Want to really get a handle on how to orgasm in hurry? Learn about your body. Every woman is different, and factors like the size and position of a our clitoris can have a large impact on how we orgasm. “Research has found that women who have a clitoris that sits closer to their vaginal opening have a greater chance of achieving orgasm than women who have a larger distance between these two body parts,” Holistic Sexologist and Sexuality Educator, Lisa Hochberger, tells Bustle. “The ‘rule of thumb’ states that women with an ideal distance of about one inch (or a thumb’s distance) between their vaginal opening and their clitoris will have a better chance of achieving this form of orgasm.”
But everyone is different and there's no wrong way to be built. I've got a tilted cervix and it's no big deal — I figured out how to work with it. Just utilize techniques that work for your specific anatomy.
7Try A Toy
Vibrators work. For a lot of my friends, they were the first way that they experienced an orgasm — or the only way they still can. "Vibrators kind of level the playing field for women in the bedroom," Claire Cavanah co-founder of sex toy company Babeland, tells Bustle. "A lot of women really need the consistent stimulation on their clitoris to have same experience as men have." Adding one in always speeds up the process for me.
8Try The Coital Alignment Technique
One of the best positions for orgasm — it's all down to your partner's pubic bone hitting you just right. If you have to orgasm in a hurry, this is a great position.
9Try A New Technique
You may be trying the masturbation technique that works best for you— and there are a lot of techniques out there. Treat yourself to a look at OMGYes, a female pleasure site where you can practice techniques like "hinting" and "rhythm" on touchable videos. Then, practice them on yourself — you might find your own secret to a super-fast orgasm.
If you have trouble orgasming as quickly as you'd like to be, know that you're not alone. Invest some time in finding the right toy, technique, or more about your body and you'll be speeding things up in no time.
