'Drag Race' Spoofed Goop With A Bunch Of Hilariously Useless Wellness Products

The world may be collapsing, but the wellness industry is thriving — and RuPaul isn't one to overlook a good business opportunity. During Drag Race's April 17 episode, he silenced the timer inside the solid gold goose egg he stores "in between me down there" to keep his "biorhythms in sync with the stock market" and tasked his Season 12 queens with a Goop-inspired challenge. The objective? To channel their inner Gwyneth Paltrows and create "ridiculously extravagant and totally unnecessary" products for his drag queen lifestyle brand "droop."

So, the queens brainstormed ideas then filmed infomercials to sell their new products en masse. Here are the hilariously useless concepts they came up with.

Jackie Cox Created a Wig For Your "Cave of Wonder"

Dubbed Magic Carpet Merkins, which were originally worn by "the ladies of the night," Jackie's hairy creation is inspired by her Persian roots.

Widow Von'Du, Jan, and Gigi Goode Made All-in-One Sprays

Because who doesn't love a good multipurpose moment? Widow's "Throaté" is a throat-coating spray that can also be used as setting spray and mace. Gigi Goode's "Goodnight B*tch" is a fragrance that doubles as a sleeping aid (hence the notes of horse tranquilizer), and Jan's "Sure, Jan" is basically magic in a bottle — in one spritz, it makes your life "Jantastic."

Sherry Pie & Crystal Methyd Leaned Into Their Brands

Sherry played on her drag name by selling an all natural Aura Pie that does absolutely nothing, but costs $350 per slice, while Crystal created the Magic Mullet as a nod to her trademark El Debarge-esque mullet. Ru will take 50.

Jaida Essence Hall Invented A New Drag Essential

Bedazzled with her own initials and made from the silk of rare tarantulas found in the Glamazonian rainforest, Jaida's Luxuratuck underwear can be yours for a modest price of $5,000.

Heidi Created A Challenge-Winning Moisturizer

You can't go wrong with a good moisturizer, especially when it's made from the tears of a drag queen. The judges were sold, and awarded Heidi the challenge win.

Paltrow would be proud, don't you think?