I'd like to formally invite everyone who ever told me it would be impractical to live in a chocolate house to suck it. In a power move that may have just canceled gingerbread houses forever, Cadbury released a Dairy Milk Christmas Cottage Kit this holiday season, which is essentially a tiny home you can build out of chocolate. Per the description, it comes complete with two Dairy Milk Bars, a Dairy Milk Winter Bar, and a Dairy Milk with Gingerbread bar, which somehow come together to form said tiny home, if you manage the Herculean feat of not taking them all straight to the face first.
The Christmas Cottage Kit is currently retailing for £16, or about $20, on the Cadbury Gift Directs website. The website claims it tries to accommodate international orders when possible, but didn't seem to be able to process my attempted order to the U.S. — that said, if you get in direct touch on the website, it stands to reason you might be able to get one shipped. And you might have extra incentive to do just that, since one of the bars in the kit — the Dairy Milk with Gingerbread bar — is a new offering from Cadbury for this year. Per the description, it's Dairy Milk chocolate with gingerbread bits stuffed inside, which basically sounds like an open invitation from the universe fly too close to the sun by putting it in a s'more.
In case making a whole house out of chocolate as a grown adult feels like a hair too much like it has Witch In Hansel & Gretel Energy, you can always opt for a more traditional cookie option this year. Since I've appointed myself the art director of your edible house journey for this year, allow me to inform you that there is, in fact, an Oreo Holiday Cookie House on sale for a mere $10 at Big Lots. It comes with what appears to be an unholy amount of frosting, sheets of Oreo for constructing, and actual Oreo cookies for decorating, so it's basically what happens with you take Oreos to the infinitieth degree. Those looking for a more traditional gingerbread house option at a decent price point should keep their eyes peeled at Trader Joe's, since TJ's typically releases their own version sometime in November — and considering this year you can slather it indiscriminately with Cinnamon Bun Spread, it seems irresponsible not to buy one.
That said, however you choose to commit to architectural feats of dessert this holiday season, you really can't go wrong — just know if you are, in fact, making the Cadbury one, that I am going to show up at your house and eat it in the dead of night so fast that it will put Santa's bajillion cookies in a row eating spree to shame.
