9 Surprising Mistakes You May Be Making That Cause Your Partner Not To Open Up

Even if your intentions are pure, pushing someone too hard to open up about difficult topics sometimes can backfire. "If your partner is struggling with opening up, let [them] know you're happy to provide a little space, and you'll be there for them when they're ready," says Burton. "This may help convey a sense of safety."

It's understandable to want to relate to your partner, especially if something similar has happened to you. "But unfortunately, this may indicate to your partner that you'd rather talk about yourself than hear about them," says Burton. "Sitting quietly with your partner's feelings can sometimes be more helpful than saying, 'Me too!'"

Trying to distract your partner from their problems isn't always the best solution. "Although this may sometimes work, it can also feel dismissive to your partner's feelings," says Burton. "Rather than providing distracting entertainment, ask your partner if [they are] in the mood to be distracted. If not, ask if they know what they need instead."

It's normal to be curious, but you want your partner to lead the conversation. "A few gentle questions are sometimes totally welcome, but too many, and your act of caring becomes an interrogation," says Burton. "Another way to approach a partner who has a hard time opening up is by listening and responding with empathy, reflection, and love."

You want to take the relationship seriously, but you don't want to go overboard with how intensely you approach every conversation. "If every conversation becomes a 'Very Big Talk,' your partner may try to avoid connecting with you altogether," says Burton. "Make time for fun activities and conversations."

"If your [partner] shares a problem with you and you immediately try to fix it, you may cause them to shut down," relationship counselor Kac Young PhD, ND, DCH tells Bustle. "Instead, encourage them, and don’t map out the solution unless they ask for it. Approach everyone as if they are intelligent and capable beings and respect them enough to know that they have the right to express themselves and grow into their own remedy."

It might seem like no big deal to scroll Instagram while listening to your partner talk about their day, but if they don't feel like they're getting the attention they deserve, they might not bother filling you in on their life. " "For example, your partner might be excited to share news with you, but you check your phone while they are sharing," therapist Christene Lozano, MS LMFT tells Bustle. "When someone experiences that what they have to say doesn't matter, it makes sense for them to feel upset, hurt, angry, and not want to open up again."

"Sometimes, you might assume your partner will be forthcoming with what they are doing and how they are feeling," says Lozano. "However, they may not be inclined to open up because you haven't overtly expressed that you'd like to know how they are doing. It sounds simple enough, but a 'Hey, tell me about how you have been today?' can go far."

Some people like to tell their partner everything, even pieces of gossip they wouldn't share about their friends. But this habit of filling in your significant other on what everyone is up to might make them afraid of what you might say to others about them. "[If you gossip about other people's intimate details, your partner will learn not to trust you," therapist Melissa Divaris Thompson, LMFT tells Bustle.] This definitely isn't the case for everyone, but if you notice your partner isn't opening up, it may be something to consider.

It's not always easy getting a partner to open up, especially if they're used to dealing with their feelings on their own. But if you show them you're listening, without too much pressure, they may become more comfortable talking things out.